


Searlus and the Sailor

by mordelle



Category: Beauty and the Beast - All Media Types
Genre: Adaptation, Beauty and the Beast, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-01-14 20:30:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 57,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18483799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mordelle/pseuds/mordelle
Summary: A chimaera is what they called him. A monster. An abomination. Very few had laid eyes on the Prince. The courting festival was started by the Queen herself for she was afraid he’d live a lonely life without love. The King died young and the Queen Mother followed not long after. The young Beast-King dismissed all of his servants but the courting festival continued to be a tradition. Only one young woman had stayed longer than a night, but she too left the castle soon enough with only her pittance for trying and no memory of her time there. My life was already over when my husband died and Papa is such a frail man. I could not care for him or myself any longer. Beauty was all I had. It was either the brothel or try to woo the monstrous King Searlus. I chose the latter. It paid better. (AN: A slightly different retelling of the classic Beauty and the Beast fairytale from Belle's perspective.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what happened. I was writing my Harry Potter fic and then I watched some Beauty and the Beast material on Prime and then this happened. About 4k words into it so far. I just couldn't stop writing. 
> 
> The story is told from Belle's entries in her diary. I want to practice this kind of storytelling because I have an original novel that I think must be told in first person. 
> 
> Each chapter will be an entry. I have three entries so far and I'm planning to finish the fourth tonight. I don't know if there will be more entries after this because I'm running on a whim of inspiration. These elements have been in my head for years, with several versions and ways it could go so I have no real outline. I guess that's another reason I chose journal entries. Copout clause.
> 
> I do plan to make it fulfilling even though I don't have an outline. Please let me know what you think in the comments or DM. You can also send me a message on tumblr messages or anon asks. @mordellestories
> 
> NOTE: This does not follow a specific Beauty and the Beast film or anything. Just took some elements, like names and general classic situations. 
> 
> WARNING: I am rating this as mature right now even though there is no smut... yet. This beast does NOT turn into a beautiful prince. So, that said... do NOT give me hate, just leave now. Or leave when I warn you that things are gonna get a little taboo crazy. I don't even know if that will happen. Again, right now, there is none of that. Just a sprinkle of angst and a taboo conversation on a taboo subject matter. That really shouldn't be. ;)

 

 

 

Dear Diary,

 

Yesterday started off beautifully. Spring is here in earnest now and the flowers are in full bloom. The garden is just to die for, honestly. Searlus seems to love it there just as much as I do as he spends most of his afternoons amongst the roses and other flora and fauna. However, he is out of sorts. Again. It’s been six months since I arrived at the castle and every month is the same when it comes to his moods. I’ve discovered a pattern, you see, and it is quite an interesting one indeed.

It cannot be chance that his temper coincides with my own irritable moods during my moon time. Maybe I annoy him. He is a creature forged by magic, after all, so maybe he is empathetic? In either case, I feel guilty that I might be causing his distress. And his distress seems greater than my own if it could be believed. Yes, during this time, I’ve seen him wandering the grounds at unspeakable hours. His presence wakes me. The more time I spend here, the more in tune I am with him it appears. Not just him, but the castle, the grounds, the animals, and even the trees. Magic is such a curious thing. By the by, I’ve recently begun to study alchemy and other old magical crafts, but I’ll get to that later. In any case, I know he does not get much sleep, if at all, during this time. I’m sure that doesn’t help with his already quite brooding nature. If only he could accept himself as he is, he’d be happier for it. As would I.

It would be such a simple thing, to sit him down and explain that I never even saw a beast to begin with. I mean, he was shocking, I cannot lie about that. But he doesn’t understand that I did not have any glamorous fantasies about how my life would be here when I first came upon his doorstep. I knew what to expect. No, actually, I did not. I _thought_ I knew what to expect and quite honestly I expected worse!

The others who had offered themselves during the Courting Festival had all forgotten the King’s appearance or what transpired behind the gates as soon as they were released the next morning. With no details and sheer lack of information, you could imagine the rumours that sprouted and how rampant and disturbing they became over time. The whole village knew he was deformed in some way since his birth. It was no secret that an Alchemist was summoned to save the Prince’s life. The price was great, however, as the Alchemist would have had no other recourse but to exchange another’s life for the babes. I know this from recent studies in the subject. The story goes, that his mother willingly offered up her own life, but the King would not allow it. The prince was dying and no one else would or could sacrifice themselves. So, the Alchemist used their exotic pets in order to make quick work of saving the baby boy. Save him, he did. A chimaera is what they called him. A monster. An abomination. Very few had laid eyes on the Prince. The courting festival was started by the Queen herself for she was afraid he’d live a lonely life without love. The King died young and the Queen Mother followed not long after. He dismissed all of his servants but the courting festival continued to be a tradition.

Only one young woman had stayed longer than a night, but she too left the castle soon enough with only her pittance for trying and no memory of her time there. My life was already over when my husband died and Papa is such a frail man. I could not care for him or myself any longer. Beauty was all I had. It was either the brothel or try to woo the monstrous King Searlus. I chose the latter. It paid better.

Oh, but why am I dwelling on such sad memories now? For some time, I have felt renewed. I have hope once more and I have my dear Searlus to thank for that. He has been kind and patient with me. He is still rigid with his rules and that irks me to no end, but I have enjoyed my time here very much. It was rough going at first. He can be so frustrating but he says the same about me. The thought makes me smile now. Though he may look like a beast, he is so very obviously a man. Bullheaded. Not that he looks like a bull. Oh, sometimes I could just rip my hair out and yet… other times… No, I must not think about that. I need more time to sort my feelings. Gerard was my life and the guilt of letting another into my heart is sometimes too much to bear. The mourning period has only just ended, but a year is not enough. Not for me. Searlus helps me to forget my pain… my Gerard. Sometimes it is a wonderful relief and other times, especially during my moon time, I want to punish myself for being so unkind to his memory. Papa never remarried after mama died, maybe I am to have the same fate.

I care for Searlus, I do, I might even… No. I cannot let myself think on it. To name it is to make it real and I am not yet ready. He is no rush anyway! Why do I feel such urgency? Searlus is happy with just my company. My friendship. I’m not even completely sure he has romantic feelings for me. He sees to my every need, that is certain. I’m quite sure I could ask for anything - within the ridiculous rules of course - and he would grant it. I catch his lingering glances here and there but it could be that I am still as strange to him as he is to me.

Though recently, we’ve begun to touch. The first time, I had stayed his hand when he tried to offer me more wine at dinner. The poor soul dropped the bottle in a clumsy fit as its contents spilt all over me. I laughed aloud as we both tried to right it, making an even greater disorder when we knocked over his glass as well in the process. He was a stuttering mess and I couldn’t help my amusement at seeing him so disarmed. He thought I was laughing at him, however, and the merriment ended quickly. Idiot. But he is not an idiot. Far from it. So intelligent and I love our conversations. He has as curious a mind as I do. I found him later that evening brooding in the library. He apologized for the whole affair.

“Forgive me,” he said. Goodness, he was a sad sight. He was slumped over in his favourite chair by the fire, eyes cast down in shame and hands balled into fists. “If you wish to leave, I cannot fault you.”

“Searlus, honestly, you think I’d march out the door for something so trivial?” I retorted. “What kind of woman do you think I am?” I laughed good-heartedly but he dropped his head down further and furrowed his brow. I instantly remember how many others had abandoned him over the years. “I am not angry with you,” I said gently while I knelt before him and firmly placed my hand over his large, furry fist. He tensed and his eyes grew wide. “Does my touch bother you? Shall I remove--”

“No,” he interrupted hurriedly as if I was about to wrench my hand away. “I--I raised my voice.”

“You yelled,” I corrected.

He grimaced. “Yes, I yelled… at you earlier. I thought you’d be angry with me.”

He kept his eyes on our connected hands. I could read the pain in his eyes and I wondered whether it was the thought of me being angry or my touch that was causing him such misery? How long had it been since he’d felt the kind touch of another living soul? My heart broke for him.

“I am not angry, but never yell at me like that again,” I warned with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. “Or I’ll have to show you what a woman’s wrath really looks like. Be afraid, your Grace. Be very afraid.” I smiled at him and he smiled back as he carefully grazed the rough pad of his thumb over my wrist.

My blood runs warm just thinking of it. Since then, he pretends not to notice when I touch him. I can tell he enjoys it and finds it quite special. He becomes so shy and gets lost in whatever musings are transpiring in his quick mind. Adorable and so endearing. Damn him. My intention was only to stay a night, as the others had, and get my pittance. But his lonely soul spoke to my own and I stayed. No promises were made. I can leave whenever I like, but if I leave I cannot return and I would also lose all memory of being here. I cannot lose that. I’m allowed to receive letters but not send any in return. My father wants for nothing except his daughter by his side and he worries so much for me. I wish I could just write him to tell him that I am happy. Happy? Am I happy?

I’ll have to think about that later. I can sense him nearby. Wish me luck for I intend to voice my theory about his empathic abilities. I’ll admit, it will be quite embarrassing to mention my moon time to him but I can think of it as a test of his maturity level depending on his reaction. Men do not like speaking of such things and prefer to ignore anything they would deem unsavoury in a woman. But Searlus is different in so many ways. Let us see.

 

Love,

Belle


	2. Fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I not mention that I'd be tackling the taboo subject of Menstruation? ::maniacal laugh::
> 
> If you're offended. Grow up. 
> 
> If you found the next part funny? Score! Let me know!

Diary! 

 

I am  _ mortified _ . Absolutely and completely  _ humiliated _ ! What was I  _ thinking _ ? Oh, it was dreadful. Heaven knows I am not one to be embarrassed easily and I’ve taken lesser humiliation with my chin up and strong strides.  _ Kill _ me now. I should fling myself from the window. Bury me in a hole somewhere. Good lord. How will I ever face him again? I cannot. I will not! Oh, death, please visit me and take me by the hand before I have to see him again for dinner! No, I cannot go to down for dinner. I shall take it here in my room. Yes, that is best. Our arrangement be damned! 

To even think of writing how things transpired after my last entry-- it’s so hot. I’m sweating through my dress. Oh, my god. I’m drenched. Was I this sweaty in front of him as well? Add more to my chagrin why don’t you, Belle. Foolish woman that I am! One moment whilst I remove myself from this infernal, Iron Maiden that is this corset!  

That’s better. Though freeing myself from the frivolous and lacey confines that I so willingly wore for  _ his liege  _ has done little to quell my shame, I do feel better now that I can breathe properly and I believe I can put it all into words. I might burn these pages later. So, it went like this…

I went down for lunch and ate quite contentedly as I waited for the bastard Searlus to arrive. He’s been joining me for more meals than just our arranged dinners and I fully expected him to be there. I knew he was nearby and was disappointed that he did not meet me. So, after I finished my meal, I went to _him._ Every time I was sure I would catch up to him, I’d catch his cape disappearing around the corner. Was he avoiding me? Purposefully evading? A game, I thought so foolishly. I ran and finally found him ducking into the garden. I pretended to rush past but doubled back silently and searched for him. His goat-like horns were poking out from behind a bush and I stifled a victorious snigger. Carefully, I crept around and pounced on him! 

“By the Heaven’s, Belle!” He cried out in surprise as I tried unsuccessfully to tackle him to the ground. “You startled me!”

He tore my embrace from his person and stepped away from me as I giggled like a schoolgirl. I want to kill myself. Since when do I act like a  _ schoolgirl _ ? Giggling like an idiot, more like!

“Did I? But don’t you sense my presence as I do yours?” I questioned, still laughing like the stupid fool that I am.

He seemed uncomfortable. “You can sense me? That is new, is it not?” He turned away from me and went straight for the roses.

I realized he had not been playing a game as I had originally thought. This dampened my mood a bit but not as much as it would later, I should tell you! I was almost running in order to keep up with his long strides. Usually, he walked so leisurely in my presence and this was another warning I should have read, but did not, because I’m an idiot. Did I say that already?  

“Somewhat new. I feel like I could always tell when you were around but as time passes, my sixth sense has become more precise.” I beamed up at him, like a halfwit, and he didn’t even spare me a glance. 

“Interesting.” That was it. That was all he said. He stopped to smell his blooming flowers and I could see his panther-like face relax some. 

“Is something wrong?” I asked so innocently. Moron that I am.

“No.” He seemed frustrated by the roses and moved on to the Gardenias.

I followed and decided this was as good a time as any to mention his sour moods being connected to my monthly, womanly woes. So, I took a breath, steadied my nerves and just prattled on like a squawking Magpie.

“I’ve noticed a pattern in regard to your mood swings, Searlus,” I quipped. I gave him a chance to react and I was rewarded with a slightly offended expression. “Every month, for a week or sometimes a bit longer, you become more reclusive and your talent for brooding returns with a vengeance.”

If he wasn’t covered in fur, I would have seen him blanch. With an abrupt about-face, which made his cape billow right into my face, he continued his trudge through the garden. “I don’t know what you mean,” he practically growled at me with that grave, baritone voice of his. 

“Let me elaborate.”

“Please don’t.” He almost sounded like he was begging.

“You see,” I ignored him, “I think, and this  _ may _ be shocking to you, but I have noticed that it coincides with my--”

“Belle, please.”

“My Red Tide, as it were.” I was gratified when he was suddenly rooted in place and sighed heavily. I walked around and looked up to find him with his eyes shut tight. “You know what I speak of?”

“You insist?” He breathed, his warm, piney breath bathed my face as he visibly fought for patience.

I ignored him again, finding the situation too amusing. “My monthly visitor? My  _ crimson tide _ ? Yes?”

His eyes finally opened and he stared down at me with his best, bored expression. “Yes, Belle, I understand your meaning quite well, in fact.” Then he pushed past me before I could reply.

“I'm sorry,” I said without an ounce of apology, “does the subject make you uncomfortable?”

“Yes.”

His answer was so curt and resolute that my smile faded instantly. I felt a pang in my midsection. It was so hurtful. Then heat filled my eyes as my rage started to boil. How dare he make me feel inadequate for speaking of something that Mother Nature herself bestowed upon females. Stupid man. Stupid Beast. Stupid  _ me _ , it turns out. I was so insulted that I ran before him once again and blocked his path. 

“I thought you were more mature than this,” I spat with as much venom as I could muster. I will admit, maybe my emotions may have taken the helm.

He was instantly shocked and his eyes grew wide. He collected himself and I could see his defence brewing in his look, but I did not let him speak. I stepped closer, I wanted to be nose to nose with him but he is so tall! I barely reach his breast but  _ felt _ taller at that moment, I will say! 

“You think you’re so different from your fellow man, but this  _ proves _ just how much  _ man _ is still in there!” I poked and angry finger into his black, furry chest with almost every spiteful word. “You misogynistic brute!” 

He was clearly and truly offended now. “Is that so?” I could hear a rumbling in his chest. He growled in earnest.

“It is.”

He straightened up as if he wasn’t already towering over me and puffed out his chest. He pushed forward, forcing me to retreat. “I have treated you as an equal, regardless of your status, sex or gender, of  _ that _ I am sure! Ungrateful woman.”

“HA! There it is again!” I pointed a finger at his nose. “Using ‘woman’ as if it’s some derogatory word!”

Searlus rolled his eyes. “I did not.”

“Did too.”

He was getting angry and frankly so was I. “I did  _ not _ .”

“DID TOO!”

A vicious snarl escaped him. “WHY DO YOU CONTINUE TO  _ PESTER _ ME?!”

I must have dropped my guard completely because his face instantly fell and turned panicky. My hands shot to the pain in my gut. I whipped around and fled, hot tears beginning to build in my eyes.

“Belle, wait!” I heard him scream, concern etched in his voice. 

It didn’t matter how fast I could run, he caught up and grabbed my arm to stop me. It was the first time he had ever touched me. He had only ever waited for me to initiate any kind closeness or familiarity. Especially when it came to touching. So, of course, this was unexpected and when I gazed angrily at his large paw wrapped around my arm, he released me as if he’d touched a hot iron. 

“Please--” he began, but I would not let him finish. I didn’t care how wounded he looked, crouched before me in order to look into my eyes.

“I pester you, do I?” I interrupted.

“No, I--”

“That’s what you said.”

“I didn’t mean it. You know that I…” His mouth fell open but no other words came out. He seemed like he’d seen a ghost.

“You what?” I challenged.

“Well, I, uh, I c-care for you, of course. I enjoy your company, very much, you must know that.”

“And how am I supposed to know?” I shrugged my shoulder and frowned dramatically. 

“You want for nothing, do you not?” He defended. “And-and I grant you everything that you ask!”

“ _ Not. Everything.” _

He withered visibly and brought a paw to his face. “Please, let us not discuss  _ that _ again. I cannot let you--”

“Fine. Let us not discuss  _ that _ but let us discuss  _ this _ ! Why do you shun me? It was obvious you were trying to evade me and then you say I pester you--”

“I swear, you do not pester me--”

I raised my hand to shut him up and continued my rant. “I thought you were empathic. That you were feeling my distress during this awful time of the month, and that you would be willing to talk about it. I felt _ bad _ for you. Blamed myself for your sleepless nights and your misery. When I try to confront and offer you comfort, you shun me! Treat me lesser than because you can’t talk about something as natural as menstruation! If you think I would tie myself to such an immature lout now, think again!”

He shrunk into himself even more and seemed to have a war within. He raised both hands to his head and held it as if it were going to explode. I realized too late what I had just said. I implied I was willing to tie myself to him! As if I had ever entertained the idea that I would marry him, not that he’d asked. I suppose we are courting after all-- but nevermind that!

“Of course, you are not lesser than,” he thankfully interrupted the awkward moment, “and the topic of-of… well, blood or menstruation does not bother me. My mother was very adamant that I receive the highest education possible. I am well versed in biology, in fact. I’m even curious about how you personally experience it.”

This time, I rolled my eyes. I crossed my arms and tapped a foot with impatience but I let him continue.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “It’s just…” he rubbed a clawed paw through his dark mane and seemed very anxious and apologetic. Embarrassed even. “You smell,” he mumbled almost to himself.

It was like a blow to my head. “What?” I whispered, utterly stunned.

“I can…” he sighed heavily. “I can smell you.”

“Oh.” I had no idea what else to say. What could I have said? I was slowly spiralling into the abyss of monumental mortification of the likes no one on this earth has ever experienced! And suddenly it all made sense. His running from me and diving head first into flowers! I. Smell. “Oh.”

I vaguely remember excusing myself and no memory at all of how I came to my room. And there it is. There it is. Now, I’m going to bathe and scrub the pungent stench of menstrual blood from my person. Then I’m going to crawl into my bed and stay there until judgement day. That is all. Farewell.

 

An Utterly Foolish and Smelly Woman,

Belle


	3. He came to my room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Belle, huh? lol
> 
> So, I am currently writing chapter 4. I might post it tonight but I'm not sure. It's pretty late but I'm high on inspiration right now so who knows!

Oh, Diary,

 

He came to my room. When I first arrived here, Searlus promised me that I’d have my privacy and that I could keep my distance, the only exception being that I was to dine with him every evening. I broke that agreement tonight, so I cannot fault him for breaking his promise. It’s not like he broke down the door or anything like that. His knock was gentle, and his voice was comforting even though it brought fresh waves of embarrassment upon me.

“Belle, are you all right?” He asked. The rumbling of his voice could be heard clearly even through the thick, oak door.

I had no spine to answer him.

“I’m sorry.” He meant it but what could he possibly be sorry for? It wasn’t his fault that he had tried to spare my feelings and that I had insisted on pushing him to tell me the god-awful truth. “Please speak to me,” he entreated, “I cannot stand the thought that I might have caused you pain. It’s unbearable.”

The hurt was so acute in his voice that I couldn’t help but sit up and stare at my door. I wanted to say something but I couldn’t. For a torturous moment, I wondered if he’d leave. I wanted him to stay as much as I wanted him to leave me to my wallowing. Instead, I saw the doorknob begin to turn ever so slightly. I held my breath, not knowing what was to happen. I didn’t even know if I had locked myself within. The knob stopped short and was released. I let out the breath I had been holding. The door remained closed.

“Belle, if you don’t answer me, I’ll have to assume you are unwell and need assistance. I will come in. Locked door or no.”

“I’m fine!” I blurted out before I knew what I was saying. And thank goodness because what was I thinking? I was practically naked! “I-I was asleep.” It was all I could offer.

“I see. You missed dinner, would you like me to send up some supper for you?” Damn him why is he so kind.

“Yes, please,” I squeaked.

“After you’ve supped,” I could hear him sigh, “please join me for a nightcap. We must speak on… the matter that has caused a rift between us.”

I felt sick. I had to endure yet another conversation about my… smell? “No need really!”

  
“It’s important. I didn’t get a chance to explain what I meant by… what I said.”

What the hell was there left to explain? I frowned and shook my head knowing he could not see me. “Is that an order?”

There was silence except for a creak in the floor. Maybe he was praying for patience. “No,” he finally let out. Before I could thank him and send him on his way, he spoke again. “I will allow you to write a letter to your father if you join me and let me explain myself.” He did not sound happy at all.

My heart fell into my stomach, and I buried my face in my hands. “All right,” I murmured. His impeccable hearing caught what I said.

“Good. See you soon and--” he paused a moment. “No need for elegance. Dress as comfortably as you’d like. You never need to suffer those corsets on my behalf. Ever.”

I heard him saunter off and I was filled with fresh misery. He somehow knew I dressed up for him earlier. I suppose it was apparent, seeing is I had hardly ever done so before today. He’s more perceptive than I thought. Maybe he hated my dress. Or how I looked in it. Wonderful. Since when do I doubt myself? My body? Well, since he told me I smell, I suppose. That could really shatter anyone’s self-esteem, I should say.

Nevermind, I will bathe… again. I wonder if I should even dilute the perfumes. Just dump all the bottles in the bath and soak in it. That won’t do. Obviously. All I can do is wash away my current shame and hope we don’t talk for too long… or have the urge to sneeze.

 

Still waiting for death,

Belle


	4. A Nightcap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I can still write more. The story is sorta unravelling on its own as I continue and I still feel a sense of excitement to write, so I'm just gonna ride the wave. Why not? I'm sick again anyway! All sick with yet another cold.

Dear Diary,

It grew quite late last night and quite frankly, I had no idea what to write after my nightcap with Searlus. It was an enlightening conversation, to be sure. However, it was a lot to process. I told him I’d spend most of today in my room, not only in light of our conversation but because I need time to myself. I need to write out what happened and how I feel about it. It would be wrong of me to do otherwise. He even excused me from tonight's dinner and mentioned he would be staying in his wing of the castle, just in case I decide to venture out for fresh air. I am thankful to him. More than he will ever know. Let me write about the previous evening as it transpired.  
After my third bath of the day, a douse of perfume, and stuffing as many rags between my legs as I could, I decided on wearing a simple tunic and sturdy trousers. Very similar to the ones I wore back at sea with Papa. I also decided on a cloak. It helped me feel less vulnerable, and if I were to see even a small sign that Searlus could smell me, I could at least wrap an extra layer around myself. With my hair tied behind me and my thigh high boots, I looked quite the strapping lady. But I am no lady. Never was one.

I braced myself at my own door and finally had enough courage to leave my room. The whole time berated myself. I am Belle Bonnet! Widow and former First Mate of the fearsome Captain Gerard Bonnet! Nevermind that I was only named First Mate because my father fell ill and Gerard had to take over. I earned my spot whether my husband was biased or not. The crew respected me! It was also only a short month’s trip, but again, not relevant. My hands have as many callouses as any brave man I’ve ever met. I’ve worked in farms, a library, I’ve been a governess, I’m well travelled for a woman of my status. You understand my point, I’m sure. Still, Searlus was disarming. It wasn’t his fault. His appearance alone could disarm the most formidable people on this wretched earth. I was never terrified of him, however. I most certainly respected his size, horns, teeth and claws though. But I wasn’t scared. Not of his appearance. As I’ve alluded in previous entries, he’s disarming in other ways now. I care for him. I care about what he thinks of me. I don’t want to care, but I do, and I cannot lie to myself over that fact. Damn him.

Before long, I walked into the vast library. There he was, by the fire, his adorable spectacles on, reading. Or at least pretending to because his nostrils flared and I knew, just knew, that he smelled me. Damn it all. I wrapped the cloak around me and refused to take another step toward him. He finally lifted his gaze and gave me a small smile, which I returned with an awkward smirk and glance to the fireplace.

“Please come and sit with me,” he requested so gentleman-like.

“I’m fine right here, thank you,” I replied politely but resolutely.

I could see him shake his head and remove his glasses in my periphery. He adjusted in his seat and cleared his throat.

“I’m going to be frank with you, Belle. I know you value candour. It is true that I have reserved some of my bluntness in your presence because, well, we’re still getting to know each other. But here it is…”

I sent my gaze to my boots and waited for him to continue.

“I can smell you just as well if you stand there all night or decide to sit by me.”

“Fuck it all to hell,” I muttered under my breath, knowing full well he could catch my barely audible, unladylike, sailors prose.  
He stood and began to walk toward me. “Indeed,” he said, a wicked smile hidden in his tone. “And it doesn’t matter if you try to mask it with every perfume within these walls or bathe several times in a day.” He edged closer, and it took everything in me to stay rooted in place and not run for the hills. “Or wrap a cloak around you.” He bent down and murmured right in my ear. “I could smell you behind a closed door and twenty paces away.”

His deep voice sent shivers down my back. I quickly walked past him and sat in my usual seat by the fire. Cloak still wrapped around me as tightly as prey in a python’s deadly embrace. He had the nerve to chuckle. I snapped my head in his direction and fumed as he sat in his sizeable winged chair.

“Laughing at me now, are you? Will this be your new sport? Sniffing me out like a hound and pointing and laughing?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “You’re always laughing at my expense. Now I have the upper hand, finally.” I’ve never seen him so smug.

“I’m leaving.” I made to stand, but his paw landed on my thigh, stopping me. Before I could look, he removed his hand and gazed at me earnestly.

He seemed so sad, and I could tell by the way his eyes shifted, he was very uncomfortable. “I’m trying to make light of a very serious conversation I must have with you. And… I’m afraid, Belle.”

This surprised me, and I was feeling cold though the fire had fresh logs. “Afraid? Afraid of what?” For a creature of his size and majesty to be frightened, it must be dreadful. I was growing fearful of just thinking about it.

“I’m afraid you will no longer see me the same way you do now. However that may be.”

I immediately forgot my plight and sprung forward, reaching for his hand. His bare palm was leathery and thick but warm to the touch. I knelt before him and peered into his human-like, emerald eyes. “You are my dearest friend, and you need never be afraid of telling me anything. I promise I shall not judge you.”

“You should not promise me that,” he replied morosely and tried to pull his hand out of mine.

Without realising it and moved with passion, I let go of his hand and held his face instead. His eyes grew wide. “I should, and I do. I promise that whatever you say tonight will not make me hate you or think less of you.”

His pupils grew so large that they nearly obscured the beautiful green of his irises completely. His inhale was sharp, and his mouth fell open slightly, exposing his sharp canines. He looked more beast than human to me at that moment, but I was fascinated by the change in him and stood still. He sniffed again, shut his eyes tight, turned his face toward the flames, and pulled my hands away from him. My plight returned, and I remembered why he wanted to speak to me in the first place. My stench.

“God, Searlus,” I whined as I collapsed into my chair once more. “Can’t you just pretend that my foul odour this time of the month is non-existent? For my sake? It’s so embarrassing.”

“Heaven help me,” he said with a loud exhale. “I do not shun you because you smell foul, Belle.”

I wanted to die. He'd basically confirmed I smelled foul. “What is it then?” I asked to change the subject and save whatever dignity I had left.

“I shun you because you smell… good.” He groaned and brought a fist to his forehead.

I’m sure I appeared as confused as he did wretched. “What now?”

He looked pained, but he explained himself anyway. “I have heightened senses, as you know. Your essence is alluring, and especially so during your moon time. May I go drown myself in the lake now?”

I took in his appearance once more, maybe it was to give my mind time to understand what I had just heard, or to gauge how truthful he was being at the moment. He looked so haggard, so tired. His mane was in a bit of disarray, he was slouching, which was highly unusual for him, and I could see he missed a button in his silk shirt. More than anything he looked vulnerable. As vulnerable as I had felt earlier. He was ashamed.

I tried my best to hide my features as my mind started to catch up with the facts. My essence was _alluring_ to him. The scent of my womanhood was _enticing_. That somehow made sense all of a sudden. He was part… well, whatever creatures were used to save his life. An animal. It became clear to me that I too was an animal. Not like his unusual pedigree but not far from it either. After all, he was born human. Like any female mammal, I released pheromones. If a normal man could sense a woman’s fertility approaching, what did that mean for Searlus with his heightened senses? It must be overwhelmingly... _arousing._

“I see,” I said quite neutrally, though I could feel my blood rise into my cheeks and ears. “Quite warm in here, isn’t it?”

“Gods, yes,” he exclaimed with relief.

“Mind if we chat on the balcony?”

“I welcome it with every ounce of my being.” He stood quickly and stepped aside for me to lead the way.

Once on the veranda, I breathed steadily to calm my quickening heart. He was right, this was a serious matter, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for this conversation. I decided not to jump to conclusions. Lust was one thing, and love was another. I glanced his way in time to see him fidgeting with the hem of his cloak.

“Searlus?” He barely looked at me. “It’s a natural thing.”

“Yes,” he whispered but did not look comforted.

I swallowed hard. “I know, you have lacked company for many years. Save for the yearly festival.”

There was a brief silence before he answered. “Yes.”

“Have you ever… been with another? Intimately?”

A more extended silence at that time. “Outside of my own fantasies?” He laughed mirthlessly. “What man or woman would have the likes of me in their bed? Though some have fancied they’d be able to stomach it or even enjoy it, they quickly become reluctant when the opportunity arises.” He sounded so mean. So disgusted.

It soured my stomach to hear the spite in his voice, referring to himself as if he was some slimy maggot not worthy of a loving or sensual touch.

“Don’t speak like that.” I reprimanded him. “I forbid it.”

He was visibly taken aback and challenged me with a look. I knew what he wished to say, but he dared not say it. Instead, he pondered silently before addressing me again. “Earlier today, you said…”

“I know what I said or may have implied, but I’m not ready to talk about it, please don’t press me on the matter.”

Though it was dark, I could see his crushed expression. How could I let him feel rejected after he had been so open with me?

I bit my lip before amending my words. “I was angry, earlier and shouldn’t have said it but not because I find you abhorrent, which I don’t. I shouldn’t have implied that I’d thought of marrying you because that is a grave matter that should not be taken lightly. I know that I came to you during the courting ceremony. That we are in fact, courting--”

“I don’t want you to feel obl--”

“I married for love once. You know this. It was important to me and my father to marry for love. I don’t want to say more, save for one thing, Searlus.” I strode toward him with purpose and wrapped my arms around him. He turned rigid in my embrace. The first hug we have ever shared. “You are worthy of love. Don’t ever believe otherwise.” Then I felt his arms gingerly wrap around me. His hold was light as if he was afraid of crushing me.

The rest of the evening was a blur, I’m afraid. I don’t know how long we stayed like that. When I released him, I felt off balance, and my breath was short. My heart was racing, and my mind was foggy. I know we agreed to retire and talk again soon. He assured me that I had all the time in the world to digest the tumultuous day we shared. That he too needed some time to ponder on certain things. I think we laughed over forgetting to drink our tea and then I came back here. I didn’t know I could sleep, the emotions had run so high, so quickly, that when I laid in my bed, I immediately blacked out.

I’m tired just remembering it all. I think I’ll rest a bit more, then take a walk later. Maybe tomorrow, I shall write my letter to my father.

  
Belle

 


	5. The Iron Rod

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can definitely see this going in a sexy direction now for sure. And I'm terrified. XD
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy this next chapter. Feedback is welcome and if there is anything you'd like to see happen with these two, romance-wise or anything, drop it in the comments!

Dear Diary,

 

It has been two days since my last entry. I did skip dinner that night, but I sent a note as not to worry poor Searlus. I told him that I was quite tired and that I still needed time. He sent a note back, sweet man, saying that he understood and that he hoped to see me the next evening. 

Last night, I went down for our arranged meal as usual, but it was awkward. We barely spoke to one another. I suppose too much time thinking about the idea that he finds me alluring did more damage than I thought.

I couldn't stop thinking about it. That was the point of having some space, wasn't it? To think about it. My mind constantly ran away with me. One moment, I'm completely fine with the idea that his body is responding to my scent - flattered even- the next, I'm overwhelmed with imagery that would make anyone blush. How could I not think of those things? He desires me, physically at least. It's obvious he does not  _ want _ to desire me. He has kept silent on the matter until I probed him. The look he gave me while I held his face in my hands is burned into my mind, and it plays over and over again until I feel like I will go insane. I didn't know it then, but that look was of pure lust. Animalistic and primal desire. He willed it away that night, and I don't know whether to feel relieved or hurt about it. What is it about me, I wonder, that gives him enough reason not to pursue me in that way? Then I think about what he said on the veranda and how he didn't think anyone would want him in their bed, that others could not "stomach it" when the opportunity arose. 

That just leads to more questions and curious musings. Such as, what does he look like without his human clothes? What does  _ it _ look like? Made up of what seems to be human, goat, cat and who knows what else, well, there are too many options to choose from in my lewd mind. I've seen cats mate, I've seen goats mate, and I cannot lie that I shudder at the thought. However, his overall look is humanoid. Maybe his genitalia is more human than anything else. I pray to any god that will hear me that it is. Goodness, what is the matter with me?  Why am I thinking about this again? And writing my wicked thoughts down, no less! Surely, I will have to burn this book.

Anyhow, dinner was awkward, as I mentioned. I had another thing on my mind and was cautious about how to approach him with it. The letter I wrote to my father. 

Searlus noticed I had barely touched my meal. "Are you not hungry this evening?" 

"I guess not. I do have a lot on my mind." I said apologetically.

He nodded somberly but gave me a slight smile. "Yes, I do too. So that you know, I am not averse to speaking on the matter. Maybe it will help clear the air." He shrugged and casually sipped at his wine. I could tell he was trying not to look at my reaction. 

I couldn't help the nervous chuckle that escaped me. "We probably should talk more on that subject, but there is something else." I pulled out my letter from my trouser pocket.

I could hear him gulp loudly as I placed it on the table. "Ah, yes. You've written your letter to your father already?" He shifted in his seat nervously.

"Yes, and I know you didn't ask, but I imagined you would want to know what it says." I pushed the letter toward him. I always sat at the head of the table, and he two seats away, but his long arm reached it easily.

"You didn't have to, but..." He didn't finish his sentence as he lifted the letter and pulled out his reading spectacles from his pocket. He read it silently, a few times by the look of it, then handed it back to me. "Thank you for letting me read it," he said as he choked down emotion. "I am glad you are happy here and that you consider me... your friend."

I nodded and put away the letter. "He worries so much. I didn't think you'd like me mentioning you at all, but he at least needs to know that we are getting along well."

Searlus pushed his plate away and stood. "Hopefully, this puts you both at ease. I know you worry about his wellbeing too." He stood at my side and offered me his hand. "Shall we continue with Petrarch tonight?"

I looked at his waiting palm with slight surprise before I willingly and purposefully took it. When I stood, we were so close, and I could feel heat emanating off of him. His fur was standing slightly on end. I looked up at him and smiled. "That would be lovely, but should I not retire to spare your  _ overwhelmed _ senses?" I jabbed with mild drama.

He chuckled and placed my hand on his arm. "I'm glad you can joke about this." His face showed mild concern briefly. "I wasn't sure how you'd feel after having time to ponder on it alone."

My eyes widened briefly at the thought of my more vivid ponderings. "Well, as I said before, it's natural."

He nodded again but said nothing. When we reached the library, I was shocked to find that our reading chairs were nowhere to be found and in their place was a loveseat. I was confused, and when I gazed on my companion, I found his look mirrored my own. Then his nostrils flared, and his eyes grew fierce. He let out a roar that made me and the poor seat jump. The small sofa scurried away, the closet opened, and our chairs came scrambling out to their usual place. I would have laughed, but Searlus was so angry. I squeezed his arm gently to break him from his temper. He snapped his rage-filled eyes to me, and I could feel my body erupt in goosebumps. He must have noticed because he flinched and looked away. He led me to my seat and took his own. 

When Searlus looked to the flames, he took a deep breath, but I noticed his hands clenched. I should have waited patiently but, I'm me. So. "Are you all right?"

A grunt was his only response.

"Are you going to read tonight or should I?" I asked gently.

"Whatever you wish," he replied as he looked at the ceiling.  

I watched him struggle with himself for a few moments. For some reason, he could not recover from his annoyance. I realised why. "I make it difficult for you, don't I? During this time."

It was clear he was weighing what to say when he closed his eyes and gripped the armrests of his chair. "It's not your fault."

I shook my head in denial. "I now know why you become so reclusive. I told you I noticed a pattern. I know it gets worse before it gets better. I will barely see you in the coming week." I checked to see his reaction. It unnerved me a bit to see him watching me with a hooded gaze. "Is that why you sit two seats away at dinner? So when the more difficult days come, it is easier for you?"

"Partly," he rumbled.

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep my hurt from showing. "I should be the one to stay away. This is your home."

"Do you wish to stay away?" His question seemed like a challenge.

I furrowed my brow because I was unsure of where that question would lead. "Well, my presence obviously agitates you to a point where you feel the need to keep your distance."

"And you realise why?" He questioned seriously.

I grew hot almost instantly. My cheeks were ablaze. "Well, yes."

He scoffed slightly. "Maybe you should say it aloud, and with your usual bluntness so we're both on the same page."

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. "Are you implying that I am naive or ignorant to ways of nature, your Grace?"

"Concerning my nature? Absolutely." He condescended. 

I was completely insulted. "Is that so? Do you really believe you are so different from any other man I've encountered? How narcissistic," I hissed. I could hear him begin to growl, but it only egged me on. "I was hardly a maiden when I married my husband." His left eye twitched, and I became haughtier. "Does that shock you?" I asked with sarcasm dripping from my voice. "Or were you so naive as to think I did not know my way around the male and female body before my wedding night?" His jaw grew slack before he clenched it shut once more. I was proud, but still, I almost faltered before my next words. "You evade me because my scent arouses you. You lust for my body. You want me in your bed. And as I approach fertility, the more you want to fu--"

"ENOUGH!" He shouted as he shot to standing.

I stood too and yelled right back. "Well, you wanted me to be clear, did you not? Be on the same page, yes? Are we not?!"

With a rabid sounding snarl, he turned on his heel and fled for the balcony. When he was out of sight, I collapsed in my chair and stifled a cry. At this rate, I would lose my friend. Sex. What an annoyance. It didn't have to be. I was very free in my youth. I am the daughter of a sailor, you know. But then I married, and for two happy years, Gerrard was my only bed companion. I’m not sure I can say the same for him while he was out at sea, but while he was home, he was mine. I was his. We wanted no one else.

I had a mind to chase after Searlus and even thought to retire to my room, but I stayed. Had he not wanted to see me again, he would have left entirely. Instead, he went out for air. So, I waited. I tried to read, but my efforts were fruitless. Finally, I felt him enter the library again. 

“You’re still here,” he noted aloud but without anger.

I kept as still as possible as I gazed at him. “Did you want me to leave?”

He shook his head as he sauntered toward me as if he might frighten me away. “You know the truth, and yet you do not fear me.” He reached the edge of the fireplace and stopped there.

“I have never feared you.”

“Maybe you should,” he replied with a hint of warning.

“Oh? Are you saying the rumours are to be believed? That you have raped and defiled all who walk through your gates?”

His eyes widened in fear, and he tripped over his own words. “What?! No! Is that-is that what they say? I have never, never, harmed or-or-or raped anyone!”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Then what have I to fear from you? Hm?”

His shoulders slumped, and he ran his claws through his mane as he sighed. “No one has stayed as long as you have. It is true that you have treated me like a normal man. You don’t seem to see me as I view myself. Or the way others do, apparently,” he shuddered. “And the way you speak of… carnal pleasures, how I deserve love, and… how you... seek my touch…” It was growing more difficult for him to speak and I began to blush once more. “Well, it confuses me.”

I felt my heart ache for him. I wanted to make things right. “In what way?”

His face contorted as he fought for words. “You would make it seem that it would be an easy thing for you to-to allow yourself… allow me… well,” he growled with frustration, “that it would be a natural thing to lay with me.” He finally blurted out quickly. He seemed to regret his words instantly because he whined and brought a fist to his mouth.

He looked so innocent at that moment that I couldn’t help a giggle. He sent a glare in my direction, and that only made me laugh all the more.

I stood up and went to embrace him, but he held up a hand to stop me. I complied but kept my smile. “Oh, Searlus, all creatures of this earth have the capacity to--”

“I do not speak of other creatures, Belle. And I do not speak of capability. Obviously, I am capable.” He straightened up and crossed his arms over himself. “Very capable.”

I waggled my eyebrows in jest and grinned mischievously. “I’m sure you are.”

He scoffed and smothered his own amused smirk. “You would not find this so humorous if I invited you to my bed, I’m sure.”

“Well, the thought certainly does not frighten me,” I replied simply.

His jaw dropped in earnest, and he looked at me as if I was beginning to sprout horns. “You’re mad,” he whispered. Then he narrowed his eyes. “Or a good liar.”

“I’m an awful liar.” I bit my lip to keep my smile from widening while I stepped closer to him. I suddenly felt brave. “I have to admit, you know I have a curious mind, and I cannot help but wonder…” I let my eyes trail over his form until they landed on his belt. 

His fur puffed out in a way I had never seen before. “Do not test me,” he rumbled warningly. “Although I have never harmed anyone I’ve courted, as I mentioned, no one has stayed long. Or long enough for things to go awry.” 

“I have questions.” I stood a mere few inches away. “Hypothetically…”

“I'd rather not play this game.”

I ignored him. “Hypothetically, if I wished to lay with you--”

“You would not.”

“But if I did--”

Abruptly, he snatched an iron poker and lifted it to my eye level. “Hypothetically, if this iron rod was forcefully swung at your legs, do you think your bones would survive the blow?”

I placed my hands on my hips. “Are you threatening me with violence?!”

“Answer the question.” He demanded.

I tilted my head and inspected the poker. “No. My leg would surely break."

Before I could finish my sentence, he held the rod horizontally in both hands and bent it as if were pliable bread dough without so much as a grunt. I gasped audibly.

He let the thing clatter to the floor and sidestepped me. I continued to stare at the iron pretzel while he paused beside me, arms nearly touching. “If your frail, human bones stand no chance against that poker,” he murmured, “what are your chances at surviving even one night in my bed?”

He strode out of the library, but I could not let the evening end that way. I couldn’t let him think he’d be able to frighten me. And even though he was quite far from me, I knew he’d be able to hear when I shouted...

“Are you implying you have an iron rod between your legs?!” I smirked victoriously because my sixth sense knew he stopped dead in his tracks and I could have sworn I saw a warm glow emanate from him in my mind's eye before he entered the West Wing. 

Hopefully, my jest was enough to salvage the evening. I will try not to broach the subject again anytime soon for I know things will only get more difficult for him. I shall wait and keep as much distance as I can for now, but I also want to study his behaviour more than ever. Perhaps my own heightened senses can help me with that.

 

Goodnight for now,

Belle

  
  



	6. A Sad Pair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter this time. I thought I'd experiment and start off with some letters between Belle and her father and a letter from Searlus with everything he wants to say but doesn't.   
> You'll see that I've scratched out his true feelings but Belle does not see that, only the readers do! That's you!
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments. It really makes my day to read them!
> 
> WARNING: Talk of past trauma ahead.

  
_Dearest Daughter,_

_You have no idea how happy I was to receive your letter. Although I have been assured by the King’s Royal Council that you are well, it is difficult to take their word for it, especially since they can’t recall ever seeing you with their own eyes. Seeing your god-awful handwriting put my heart at ease and broke it at the same time. A father will always worry. Now that I know you are safe, and - I almost can’t believe it - happy, I may just have a full nights rest._

_You’re the talk of the village, you know? Six months and counting. It’s hard to believe. Everyone has read your letter by the way. I didn’t want any more horrid rumours sprouting about what may or may not be happening in the castle._

_You say the King is your friend, eh? You even call him by his given name. I’ll admit it’s a bit strange to hear, but you are beautiful, clever, and my daughter. I’m sure you’re handling yourself as you always do. The King has provided for us more than I could have ever imagined. I refuse to leave our little house, but I did restore it to its former glory. I wish you could see it._

_Belle, are you truly happy? You'll have to write more in your next letter. The castle and the magic, it all sounds so glamorous. I never dreamed a glittery, royal life would suit you. I always thought the sea would claim your heart. I suppose the prospect of becoming Queen sounds more alluring. Just don’t forget who you are. If you’re not happy, and you only say those words to spare your poor father, I implore you to come home. The King has never punished anyone for breaking their courtship. We have enough now to live the rest of our lives comfortably, and you would have a proper dowry. You need not marry him. You need not stay a widow either. You need not suffer for me any longer. That’s all I’ll say on the matter. You’re as stubborn as your mother was._

_I think I feel well enough to make a trip to the city soon and maybe even the castle. Do you think you could petition your new friend to allow a poor old man to see his only child? I do not see the harm in it, as I will probably not remember our meeting once I pass the gates. Write to me again soon._

_Love,_

_Papa_

_Maurice Dubois_

 

* * *

 

 

_Dearest Papa,_

_My “god-awful handwriting” is your own fault. As you recall, I was the only one who could read your logs and ledgers. I swear, you still write like you're on the Esperanza during a hurricane! Truly, I am glad you are feeling better. You’re not the only one who worries, you know?_

_I don’t think it matters whether the whole world reads my letters, they’ll still manage to create all kinds of gossip just to have some entertainment. I don’t care what they say about me. I do care about what they say about Searlus though. I know he won’t want me writing too much about him, but I think I might be able to get away with a few details. He is indeed my friend. I hope you believe me. He has been very good to me, and as I’ve mentioned, I want for nothing. He is kind, intelligent, an excellent conversationalist once I get him going. We have many things in common. Books, gardening, he loves horses, and I have a suspicion that he has a lovely singing voice. He loves to hear about our sea voyages. We can talk about anything. It took a long time to know all these things. He doesn’t like talking about himself, and he is in no rush in regards to our courtship._

_I do whatever I please, but now that you’ve questioned my happiness, I suppose I do lack some purpose. Six months may seem like a long time, but I was still wrapping my head around everything. This place has been a refuge and now that I feel more like myself, I no longer wish to leave my hands idle. I shall think on it some more and tell you once I’ve come to a decision._

_The sea will always be my tempting mistress, but I am needed here. I do not wish to leave, father, but I also don’t want to be a hermit for the rest of my life. I would be happier if I were allowed to see you and leave the castle every now and then. Maybe someday those things will happen. Trust is no easy thing to build when one has so many barriers, and Searlus can be a brick wall when it comes to certain things. The possibility that I shall become Queen someday is a laughable notion. It does not beguile me in the least. I don’t think Searlus is looking for a Queen per se, but a companion. That I can be, most willingly._

_I doubt that Searlus will grant my request to invite you to the castle, but it is worth a try. You have a good point that I think his logical mind will not be able to deny. I do so wish to see you. Very much._

_Love,_

_Belle_

* * *

 

_~~Dearest Belle,~~ _

_~~To Belle,~~ _

_~~My Love,~~ _

_Belle,_

_~~I hope I scared you out of your foolish notions.~~ It is my sincere hope that I did not frighten you when we last we spoke. ~~I must admit that it was my intention.~~ It was not my intention. ~~You know not what you do to me.~~ The subject of our discussion is not an easy topic for me. ~~I envy those you’ve been intimate with.~~ I envy your candid approach to everything. Your openness and modern perception of the world, and of me, is something I aspire for myself. You are easy to talk to ~~most times~~. Please forgive me. ~~I don’t know what I’d do should you reject me or leave me.~~ I hope I will see you tonight for dinner. I understand if you need more time alone. ~~Though I know I should keep my distance, I cannot help myself.~~_

_~~Love~~ ,_

_~~Yours Always,~~ _

_Sincerely,_

_Searlus_

 

* * *

 

_Dear Searlus,_

_Think nothing of it. There is nothing to forgive. As I’ve mentioned before, I know I have nothing to fear from you. My candid nature that you so envy will be the bane of your existence, I can promise you that. I look forward to seeing you tonight. I promise to be on my best behaviour._

_Sincerely,_

_Belle_

 

* * *

 

 

  
Dear Diary,

I’ve enclosed two lovely letters from my favourite people in this world. Silly men and their fussing, but it pleases me to know they care about my happiness. Papa wishes to visit me, and I would love nothing more than for that to happen, but I know it will be a difficult thing to ask for so, I will bide my time for now. I did not see Searlus until dinner. He was holed up in the West Wing where my sixth sense fails me. I can sense when he is there, but cannot form his image in my mind or where exactly he might be. He must ward it well. I’ve never seen him perform any magic, but he has extensive knowledge on most any subject. The Castle’s almost sentient nature intrigues me the most, and I wanted to learn more about the interesting phenomenons around here. I thought it was a safe conversation to have at dinner, so I had prepared some question for Searlus on the matter along with other personal questions.

My food was getting cold, and I wondered if he’d show up at all when I finally saw his form exit his wing in my mind. I waited while he paused, retreated slightly, and then finally entered the dining room with his eyes cast to the floor.

“Forgive my tardiness,” he muttered as he sat at his usual seat, two chairs away, “I had some duties to attend to, and I lost track of time.” He poured himself some wine but did not fill his plate.

“Not to worry,” I said as I watched his rigid manner. He was obviously tense.

“What duties?”

“Nothing of urgency,” he replied and then sniffed discretely in my direction.

I smiled. “I picked fresh flowers from the garden and placed them in my pockets. I thought it would help.” I couldn’t help but blush, so I began to eat to hide my slight embarrassment. “Does it?” I asked hopefully after he gave no response.

He gave me a curt nod while stared down his glass.

“My father replied,” I offered after just barely swallowing a mouthful of carrots. “He was delighted to hear from me and thanks you for your kindness.” My father made no such remark, but I felt it wise to prime Searlus for my future request of having Papa visit.

He gave me another nod and a grunt in reply. I wanted to stand up, charge right for him, and shake him by the horns, but I had promised to behave.

“Would you rather we eat in silence?” I barely smothered my spite.

He sighed but looked at me for the first time since he arrived. He seemed so exhausted. “It was not kind of me to let you write to your own father, Belle. It was cruel of me to deny it in the first place.” He turned his face away again and drank his wine eagerly. "You should write to each other as much as you wish."

The brooding. Good lord the brooding!

“You are anything but cruel. I’m sure you have good reasons for your rules.”

He scoffed. “You have fought my rules since you first set foot in this castle and now you say I must have a good reason.”

“Don’t you? I’d love to hear them, to understand them better, and maybe not fight you so much.” I managed a slight laugh to try and lighten the mood.

After sipping at his drink, he shrugged. “It’s just easier to manage a Kingdom when your people are not dying from fright at the sight of you. Better they have their own conjectures about a deformed King than know without a doubt that a monster rules them.”

“Searlus!” I outraged. “I will not allow you to say such things about yourself!”

His face contorted with disdain as he growled but he did not reply.

My stomach soured. “All right. I think we both need a nice walk outside. You’re not eating, and I’ve lost my appetite.” Without waiting for him to agree, I pushed my plate away and stood up. I was outside before he even moved from his seat, but he eventually followed.

The sky was clear and spackled with stars galore though there was still moonlight. I inhaled deeply half expecting to smell the salty sea, I smelled the forest instead. I looked over my shoulder to find Searlus standing in the shadows, watching me. I extended my hand to him. “Walk with me to the garden. Please.”

He stood straighter then slowly walked toward me. I linked my arm around his limp one, and we weaved our way through the heart of the nursery in silence. When we reached its centre, where a mossy statue of Demeter stood, I let my head rest on his arm. He did not move.

“How do you conduct business with your council if they do not come to the castle?” I asked, curious and also wanting to diffuse what had transpired.

“I send letters,” he replied evenly.

“What about for pressing matters? Surely you must convene with them in person sometimes?”

I thought I noticed he shifted his weight some and leaned into me. “Yes, I have an enchanted mirror for more important meetings.”

I gasped and gave him a slight slap on his arm. “You have an enchanted mirror?! So, they see you?”

“No, I stay obscured.”

“Of course, you do,” I pouted. “Did you enchant everything here yourself?”

He took a moment to answer, probably wondering how much he should tell me. “My family has always loved magic and had several Alchemist advisors. Somethings have been enchanted since before my birth. Eventually, I became adept to the practice and made my own enchantments to the castle and grounds.”

“I would love to witness an enchantment!” I marvelled aloud.

He looked down at me and smiled. “Then I shall show you someday.”

“Why not now?” I whined.

He chuckled, which made my heart light. “You know very well there must be enough time to prepare.”

I frowned. “Yes, you’re right.”

A series of howls filled the air suddenly, and Searlus titled his head back slightly to sniff the air. “They’re hunting. Boar, I think.”

We stood there and listened to the ominous song of the wolves, and before I knew it, I blurted out what I thought would ruin the evening thoroughly. “Do you have wolf in you?”

He seemed surprised but not angry. “Yes. Wolf, panther, and mountain goat.” He said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Could you not guess?”

I was relieved he was not put out by my question, so I laughed. “Well, I guessed goat and panther, but I don’t see much wolf in you.”

Searlus unlinked our arms and sat on a nearby bench. He raised one leg over the other and motioned toward his barefoot/paw. “My legs and feet are quite wolfish.”

I walked closer and inspected them in the little light afforded by the moon. “Yes, I suppose you’re right. Anything else?”

He sighed and gave me a look that screamed misery. “Physically? Yes, there is another thing.”  _Good god_ , I thought. _Please let him not say penis._ He rubbed a hand down his face. “It’s embarrassing. Are you sure you want to know?”

I gulped hard but nodded. “Of course,” I squeaked, “I want to know everything about you.”

Another wave of mortified facial expressions passed before he mumbled, “I have a tail. There it is.”

I was shocked. I had never seen any evidence of a tail before. “You jest?”

“I’m afraid not,” he said somberly.

“Well, where do you hide it?!”

“In my trousers, of course,” he snapped, then shifted uncomfortably in his seat as if the tail was bothering him now.

All was silent right before I burst into fits of giggles.

He groaned. “I knew I should not have told you.”

“No, no!” I waved away his comment as I tried to compose myself. “I just thought you were going to say something else!”

He furrowed his brow. “Like what?”

I immediately regretted saying anything. “Oh, nothing,” I said, but Searlus caught on quick and stood up with outrage.

“By the stars, Belle!” He barked at me. “Is your mind always in the gutter?!” He shook his head and reminded me so much of a teacher I used to vex that it only made me laugh more.

“Hey, now,” I lifted a finger in my defence, “no part of the body is shameful or to be compared to a filthy gutter. So my mind is technically shameless and clean.”

“Tell that to those who call me an abomination,” he spat out with venom.

I gasped. “Did someone say that to you?” I was suddenly fit to murder.

He scoffed with contempt. “That is what I am. And you delude yourself if you think otherwise. My father could not stand the sight of me and my own mother, who I knew loved me, could not bring herself to--” he stopped short and took in a shaky breath before he whispered the rest with choked, raw emotion, “could not bring herself to kiss her son goodnight.”

My hand involuntarily went to my heart while the other covered my mouth to keep from crying out my grief for him. How could a mother not kiss her own babe? “No, Searlus, no. That-that… that cannot be. Maybe you’ve forgotten--”

“No, Belle,” he interrupted calmly. “It is you who seems to forget, or refuses to acknowledge what you see with your own eyes. I may have been human once, but that only lasted mere moments. I have spent my entire life trying to find a way to change that fact, but there is no undoing what has been done. So, if you had any delusions in that regard, it is time you face reality.” He took a giant step toward me and crouched low, his face hovering inches away from mine, his piney, warm breath was all-encompassing. “I am a beast.”

I knew he wasn’t trying to scare me. He believed every word he said, and he said them without spite or challenge. He needed me to understand. He needed me to acknowledge his truth. My cheeks were damp from my silent tears, and I nodded solemnly. “I understand.”

“Do you?”

I closed my eyes, took some calming breaths, and nodded again. “I do. But I need you to understand something as well.”

He looked disappointed, probably because he thought I was going to try and change his mind. “Go on,” he said regardless.

“You are not human. You are a beast,” I concurred. “But there is something you are to me that means more than those things ever could.”

He furrowed his brow but said nothing.

I took a deep breath and looked deeply into his eyes. “You are my friend and rescuer. You saved my fathers life, Searlus. You saved mine too.”

“No, Belle,” he breathed as he stood erect once more. “Do not make me out to be a hero, for I am not. You are here because I am selfish--”

“I am here because I choose to be here. My grief led me to you and not death because I feared for my father’s life.” I said these words as calmly as he had done so that he could understand my truth as well. “I never told you,” I squashed down any lingering grief to say my next words, “I… gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.”

His eyes widened briefly. “You… are a mother? But then why--”

“She died. She was already dead when she came into this world.” Oh, it was hard, so-so hard to make myself steel. I had not spoken of it for over a year. “My husband and I were overcome with grief. We were drifting apart and barely had enough to feed ourselves let alone care for my sick father. So, my husband found work on a ship headed to find new land across the ocean. He died on that journey. Papa is all I had left, and he was dying too.”

I could see his eyes glisten in the moonlight. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

“I had planned to come here for the eve of the festival and leave the next day. That is the ugly truth. I was going to leave my pittance to my father and jump into the sea. So you understand now?” I implored. “Coming here saved my life. You saved my life.” My tears flowed, but my voice stayed strong as I moved into him and wrapped my arms around him. “Say you are a beast as much as you like, I do not care. For you had given me refuge when I needed it most. You had given me hope when I had none. You cannot be rid of me so easily now… you big brute.”

I buried my face in his shirt and breathed him in as deeply as I could. His scent was of the forest, wild and free. Even though he was like a wooden board in my embrace, he returned it. He was as gentle as the first time, lightly placing his paws on my shoulders. I squeezed him tighter.

“Hmph,” he uttered softly, “what a sad pair we make.”

I chuckled and gripped onto his shirt. “We don’t have to be sad. You taught me that.”

“I shall try not to be from now on,” he promised.

I scoffed. “You? Not brood? We’ll have to make a wager on that. I give you until…” I pretended to think, “until we say goodnight.”

He snorted, which was always funny to me. “Impudent female.” He made a slight movement to release me, so I let him go, though I wish I had not. At least we were smiling again. “You look very tired. Things have been difficult these past few days, and yet, I am glad for it.”

“Me too,” I agreed. “It has brought us closer, and I would not change anything. Well, maybe one thing,” I snickered.

“What?” He asked suspiciously.

“I’d ask to see your tail.”

“Absolutely not,” he crossed his arms at his chest.

“Oh, come now! You say you’ve accepted your fate to stay a beast forever, might as well accept all of you!”

“No.”

“What if we bargain?” I teased.

“No.”

“Is there nothing you’d ask of me that you might want?” I asked coyly.

He contemplated a moment, and his eyes grew dark. I immediately felt my skin become hot. “Perhaps.”

“I agree to your terms then,” I said courageously though I was a nervous wreck within.

“You don’t know what I want,” he warned in his deep rumbling voice.

Oh, I can guess, I thought lewdly. “Name it,” I jutted out my chin in challenge.

He tilted his head and surveyed me. “A dance,” he said finally.

I barked out a laugh. “Silly request! I would dance with you now if you wish it!”

“No, I mean a real dance. After dinner. With music and dressed in formal, royal attire.” He exposed his sharp canines with his wicked smile.

“Blech!” I gagged dramatically. “You want me to wear those blasted corsets you said I never had to wear again?”

He shrugged. “You choose whatever outfit suits you, but it must be fit for a royal occasion.”

“Fine then,” I stuck out my hand to shake on it.

He looked at it and smirked before taking it gingerly. “Shall we schedule it for tomorrow evening?”

“Are you sure that’s best?” I asked, knowing that his mood would only worsen in the coming days.

“I think I can manage not to brood for an evening.” He chuckled.

His mirth gave me confidence. “Tomorrow evening it is then.”

And now I’m filled with anxiety, for I know not what I will wear and I am a terrible dancer. Still, I am eager to experience an evening. I’m sure it will be filled with magic. If all goes well, I will see his wolf tail and maybe even ask him if I can see Papa.

Royally,

Belle

 


	7. The Royal Ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this may be the longest chapter! I'm on vacation in Seattle for about 10 days so I don't know how much writing I'll get done, so I apologize in advance if my next update takes a while.
> 
> By the way: if you've read Neither Here Nor There, I'm celebrating 100+ kudos by doing a little giveaway. Go to the link below to enter!
> 
> https://forms.gle/39SDRDpcmrGFCdAv5

Dear diary,

From the moment I woke up on the day of the Ball, it was as if I had butterflies in my stomach. It was an even blend of anxiety, excitement, and doubt. I hadn't felt that specific mixture of feelings in so long and I refused to try to remember what was the cause of them accurately. I blamed it on not knowing what to wear for the 'Royal Ball.' I climbed out of bed in a hurry and threw open my wardrobe. All that it contained were my vast amount of casual breeches, vests, and shirts. I closed the wardrobe doors and pleaded with it.

"I know we have plenty of time to find the perfect outfit for this evening, but I really need to see what you have for me. Give me some options, any, I trust you!" With a deep breath, I threw the doors open once more and was blinded by the excessive array of shimmery gowns adorned with jewels.

"Goodness! That's a bit much!" Without any assistance from me, the doors slammed shut. I had insulted the large piece of furniture. Again.

I placed my hands on its engraved panels and began to comfort it at once. "Oh, no! I mean, it was all lovely! I didn't mean it in a bad way, I promise! It's just, well, you know me."

I tried the handles. The stubborn thing wouldn't budge. "Oh, come now! I know we've had our disagreements in the past, but I want this to be perfect!" For a moment I wondered why. Why did this matter so much to me? I decided not to dwell on it a moment longer. "You know he likes my androgynous style!"

Abruptly, the wardrobe opened up to reveal men's clothes in tatters and then started hurling them at me. I cried out in surprise and took cover. "You know very well you are being overdramatic!" I yelled from safety. "Do you want me to tattle on you? I will!"

The rain of clothes ceased, and I heard the silly thing shut again. I peeked out from behind the bed and eyed it suspiciously. I knew I had to use her master to get what I needed, but I wasn't exactly sure how. More questions started bubbling up in my mind. With a groan, I sat on my bed and frowned.

"He wants to dance with me. I'm not very good at it, I'm afraid. I know I'll be a disappointment in that regard, but I want to at least look fantastic while I accidentally break his toes." The wardrobe shuddered with mirth. "I want him to notice me. And I mean me, me. I want him to see everything that makes me who I am. So, tonight, I want to go as Kari."

You see, Kari is my first name and it was the name I used whenever I was out at sea under my father's command. It was to gain the respect of the men on board and abroad. When I became Kari, I walked differently, spoke different, I felt strong and confident. For some reason, I needed to be Kari to face Searlus this time.

The wardrobe creaked and groaned its defiance then shot out a golden gown that would make any woman swoon. "Wardrobe," I said gently, "it's beautiful. So beautiful I could almost cry, but," it started to protest, "but I'm very nervous about this evening. Kari will know how to act."

I sighed loudly and thought aloud. "I don't know why I need the extra courage tonight. Maybe it's because I want to ask him about Papa coming to visit." It creaked again, and I nodded. "No, you're right. That's not all." I glanced at my toes and started to cry silently when I remembered that he'd said his mother had never kissed him. "I think, wardrobe, I think I want to kiss him."

The wardrobe nearly fell over from rocking side to side on its stubby legs. "Now, now," I said as I brought my hands up, "just a friendly kiss. Maybe on his cheek or his hand." I smiled nervously, "I don't think I have the courage to do it - not-not because he is a beast!" I said hurriedly before the wardrobe could misunderstand me. "But because I-I don't know how he'll react, and, well, when I'm Kari, I'm more flirtatious and… suave, just more confident."

I bit my lip as I imagined him recoiling from me. "If he reacts badly, I'll say that I was playing a part and got carried away. Maybe he'll forgive me. Kari did it… not Belle," I finished with a doubtful whisper.

The wardrobe shuddered, and then its doors swung open slowly. Inside, was one single outfit. The most beautiful suit I'd ever seen. I screeched with delight and ran toward it. I was almost afraid to touch it. It was gold and black with gold trimmings and embroidered flowers that travelled down the front on the jacket. The vest beneath had the same lovely floral pattern but was an ivory colour. The breeches had the same net-like pattern in black and gold. It was obviously made of the purest silk. It was perfect.

"Oh my," I breathed, "oh my… thank you. It's better than I could have imagined."

I barely ate my breakfast. I wondered the entire time whether Searlus would come out of his quarters and seek me out. I admit that I was relieved he didn't even though I was dying to see him. I stayed in my quarters for the rest of the day and survived on fruits and other light snacks. I could not handle another meal. I took my time in the bath and scrubbed every inch of myself twice over. I meticulously scraped under my fingernails even though I had not done any physical labour in over six months, and that must change for I do not wish to lose my strength or physique. After I was done, I sat in front of my vanity and brushed my hair until it was completely dry. My arms would have fallen off had the brush not helped me along. My wavy locks had never felt so soft and polished in my life. I thought the time was going by excruciatingly slow until I heard the clock strike at six o'clock.

Then it became madness.

All manner of ribbons flitted through the air along with powder, perfumes and other knickknacks. I was tripping over my beautiful suit and being tugged in different directions. I wasn't sure what was happening as my face was being attacked with all manner of makeup. Finally, the commotion ceased, and I could see what was done in the mirror. I almost didn't recognize myself. I was the most devilishly handsome thing I've ever seen - not to be vain. I let out a long whistle and nodded my approval as I turned this way and that to see myself from all angles. I looked like a golden prince, and I loved it!

I felt my transformation at once. "Well, my friends, you have outdone yourselves," I said with a slightly lower register. "His Majesty has no idea what's coming to him." I was filled with a predatory sensation as I gave my reflection a wicked, toothy grin. "Tonight, I am the beast, and Searlus my prey."

A loud bell sounded off the time. Seven o'clock. I walked to my door and it opened for me of its own accord, and I could hear soft music echoing from afar. My heart began to race, but I walked erect and with confidence. When I reached the stairs, the music changed and raised in volume. It was announcing my arrival. I placed my hand on the bannister and began my descent. For a moment I was troubled by the idea that I may have chosen wrong. That I should have come looking like a delicate and rare flower. My thoughts were interrupted, thankfully, when I reached the landing, and the music changed again.

I felt Searlus exit the West Wing. I closed my eyes and saw his warm glow in my mind. His aura was large and brilliant, and when I opened my eyes again, I saw him emerge from the shadows above me. We locked eyes, and I was struck dumb. If he was surprised by my appearance, he hid it well. I was not so subtle as my mouth fell open slightly and I unabashedly surveyed him from head to toe while he descended with the grace of a King. A King. My heavens, I thought, he's a bloody King. It wasn't as if I didn't know, for goodness sake, it was just that it was easy to forget that fact now that we were such good friends. He was always so easy to talk to, and he always wore casual, albeit Royal, but leisurely clothes. He looked like a Lord most of the time, but now? Now he looked like a King.  
No doubt about it.

On his head was his crown I had never seen before. It was fitted just for him as it perfectly weaved around his large horns. His clothes were a forest green, trimmed with gold, with elaborate folds and embroidered vines. His illustrious and bulky cape was draped over one shoulder and dragged on the ground at least six feet behind him. To my surprise, he wore knee-high boots - I'd never seen him wear shoes before - and the most massive sword I'd ever seen was sheathed at his waist. Finally, he reached the landing just in time for me to compose myself and remember my manners when in the company of royalty.

I bowed as low as I could go and flashed him a brilliant smile that had always charmed both the ladies and gents I had set my heart on. To my satisfaction, he lifted his brow slightly. I raised up enough to extend my hand. He looked at my waiting palm before placing his ringed paw in my grasp. "Your Majesty," I purred as I brought his ring as close to my lips as I could without touching, "I am honoured by your invitation to attend your Royal Ball." In a split moment, I thought of accidentally-on-purpose kissing his hand, but thought better of it and kissed his ring instead. His aura grew warmer, and when I looked up at his face without completely lifting my own, I could see his eyes had darkened the same way they had when I held his face by the fireplace that night. I gave him my best coy smirk and waited for his signal that I had fulfilled my greeting to his satisfaction.

"The honour is mine," he said gravely in his rumbling voice. He bowed his head slightly and removed his hand.

I straightened and held out my arm like a true gentleman. "May I have the pleasure of escorting you to the dining hall, My King?"

He seemed amused and a little unsure of my behaviour but placed his large hand on my arm. "I'd be delighted." I took the lead while he spoke again. "And how should I address you this evening, my royal guest?"

Clever man, I thought with a smile. "You may call me Lord Kari, Your Highness."

"Ah, yes," he smiled in return without glancing at me, "I've heard many stories of your adventures. You were the First Mate of the Esperanza. Your trades, in the past, have helped make our kingdom prosperous. I thank you for your service, Lord Kari."

I cheered internally, he was playing along. "I live to serve you and our Kingdom, Your Grace, but you flatter me unnecessarily for it was my father who saw to your trades success. I'm just a humble Sailor."

We reached the dining hall, and I had to stifle a gasp. The decor was glamorous and magical, and I could barely pay attention to Searlus as we made our way to the opposite end of our usual places. White and red roses where in every corner and new tapestries hung on the previously bare walls all depicting magical creatures, humans, and gods celebrating the Springtime.

"It is unfortunate that your father fell ill, our current traders do not have the same work ethic or talent for the business."

I could see clearly that Searlus' seat was to be the head of the table this time so, I went behind his huge chair to move it for him. I almost panicked when, at first, I could not move the ridiculously heavy thing. Thank heavens it was enchanted and it moved away from the table easily and slid beneath him as he sat.

I was so happy to see that my seat was right beside him to his right that I could not wipe the smile from my face as I sat down. "I'll make sure to tell him that you said so. It will make him very happy."

"Please do," he replied with his own smile.

The meal was fit for kings, of course, and everything was done perfectly. We conversed about trade, and he asked me for more stories of when I was out at sea. I flattered him every chance I got and called him by his proper titles all the while. After some time, he smiled and laughed freely, and even indulged in more wine than I'd ever seen him drink. I drank eagerly as well, but just enough to keep me bold. I wanted to be sober enough to recognize the right opportunity for the success of my plot. I was still wondering how I should go about it. Should I wait until we said goodnight and kiss his hand like I had planned before? Or should I try to woo him in a quiet moment and ask permission? Maybe just get him to sit down so I could reach his face and surprise him? My heart pumped at an alarming rate just thinking about it!

"Are you all right, my Lord?" He asked, bringing me out of my momentary panic. His eyes showed mirth and only slight concern. "Where did you go?" He inquired again when I merely shrugged and stared into his beautiful eyes.

I decided it was time to summon the flirtatious prowess that made me so well known in foreign lands. I looked at him thoughtfully and smiled. "I was suddenly enraptured by you, Sire," I said boldly.

His face froze, and he gulped down a mouthful of wine loudly. He cleared his throat slightly and narrowed his eyes at me. "Is that so?"

I nodded and raised a brow playfully. "Yes, and I also realized my folly in not having mentioned how handsome you look this evening." I kept my eyes on him the entire time and held my breath as I kept a tight grip on my persona to keep myself from fleeing the scene.

His reaction was not what I expected. I thought he'd go into a rage or at least sputter some nonsense about how silly I was being and how beastly he was. Instead, he blinked twice, tilted his head, then threw his head back, and laughed so hard and loud that it made my neck hairs stand on end. I actually saw a few tears roll down his face. I would have felt insulted had I not been so thoroughly amused by his unexpected behaviour.

I sipped at my wine and chuckled nervously as I waited for him to compose himself. He finally looked at me again, a broad smile still plastered on his face. "I have been called many things, but handsome has never been one of them." He dabbed his handkerchief on his damp cheeks. "Your boldness precedes you, Lord Kari," he chuckled again. "I've always heard you have a way with flattery, but I must admit, I have not fully experienced it until now." He gave me a knowing look and a mischievous smile.

I shot my own wolfish grin back. "It has garnered me much success in the past," I replied coyly and leaned closer to him, "in many areas of my life." I winked.

I held it together as his eyes travelled over me slowly until they reached my own again. "I have no doubt," he murmured. After a moment, he leaned back and gave me another curious once-over and seemed to contemplate his next words carefully. "I'm loathed to admit…" he began cautiously, "that I had some lowly preconceptions about sailors."

My brow nearly shot to my hairline. "Oh? Please indulge me, Sire." I leaned back languidly in my own seat in preparation for his admission.

He snickered softly and looked down at his plate with slight embarrassment. "Well, I imagined that sailors were ignorant, foulmouthed, diseased, unwashed, and unpolished."

I scoffed loudly. "Is that all?" I bantered.

He chuckled again, shamefaced. "That was before I met you. You've enlightened me."

"Oh, I wouldn't discard those preconceptions so quickly, Your Grace," I chortled good-heartedly. "Though I think you are relying on stories of pirates and not merchants."

"Yes, I think you're right."

I gazed at him again and played with my armrest engravings as I regained my efforts in trying to woo him. "If I may speak freely, your Majesty?"

He nodded and grabbed at his goblet once more. "Of course."

"I know I have a reputation for being a flirt, but…" I bit my lower lip and gave him a hooded gaze, "I never say anything I don't mean."

He averted his eyes to his glass and straightened in his seat.

I decided it seemed safe to continue. "You look quite dashing." I continued to watch for any signs that I should stop, but he continued to appear somewhat pleased as he swirled the contents of his glass, though he refused to meet my gaze or say a word. "Alas," I sighed forlornly at his silence, "I seem to not be pleasing my King."

His eyes finally shot to me, but he kept his expression blank. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, you've yet to acknowledge or return my compliment." I gave him a sad smile.

Searlus brought a hand to his chin in silent contemplation before he placed his cup down on the table, pushed his seat back, and stood. Knowing my place, I rose from my own chair and bowed. I could feel his eyes lingering on me. "If I've offended you in any way, please know it was not my intention," I said quickly.  
"You have not," he replied, and extended his hand to me. I took it and again I was faced with the decision. Was this the moment, I thought to myself? Just as I brought his hand to my lips, he spoke again, interrupting my second chance. "I am not accustomed to such compliments, my Lord. I thank you."

I cursed internally while he removed his hand from my grasp. "I shall have to shower you with them more often then," I promised.

He graced me with a breathy laugh and smiling eyes. "Then I shall have to return them with vigour. Though I suspect," he narrowed his eyes once more playfully and pointed a claw in my direction, "you already know how handsome you are."

I could feel my blush spread through my cheeks, and I hoped my makeup kept him from noticing. I bowed again slightly and gave him a guilty smile. "Maybe I do, but what matters more to me right now is whether you think so. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as they say. For all I know, you may find me quite repulsive."

He appeared affronted and brought a hand to his chest. "I'd be mad if I didn't find you to be anything but enchantingly beautiful." His eyes widened suddenly as if he just realized he spoke those words aloud.

My heart may have stopped, I'm not sure, but I was rooted to the spot, and my mouth fell open into a wide smile. "Thank you, Sire," I whispered gratefully.

He seemed about to say something else when music filled the air once more, and the ballroom doors began to open. "Shall we?" He asked softly with a nervous look in his eye.

I nodded, extended my arm, and escorted him. When we entered the ballroom, I was dumbfounded. My eyes didn't know where to land. What was once a drab, empty room, covered in sheets, was now a clean and grand space filled with light. Marble and gold bounced off the surrounding mirrors that encircled us. It almost made the room seem full of people. I shimmery substance appeared to be falling from the ceilings and disappearing a few feet above our heads. The music was coming from a string quartet, and the instruments were played by human-like forms made from the same shimmery cascade above. They had no discernable features, but they moved like people.

"What are they?" I asked, my eyes glued to their graceful movements.

"All of the castle's magic is concentrated here tonight. For you." Searlus released my arm and stood at the centre on the room. Without a word, the magical dust fell from the ceiling beside him and took the form of a servant. Searlus removed his cape, and the servant accepted it. With the cape gone, I could now see that Searlus had kept his end of the bargain. His dark, wolfish tail swayed behind him. I stared like an idiot and didn't even notice that the servant had already left with his cape and crown and that Searlus was waiting for me to join him. When I realized his arm was outstretched in my direction, I all but ran to his side. He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "If it's going to be a distraction, I'll put it away," he grumbled.

"No! It's a handsome looking tail, and you should not hide it," I said sternly, forgetting my place briefly. I cleared my throat and removed my jacket. I would need all the mobility I could get to dance. Another servant took my jacket away, and I straightened my vest and tugged at my cuffs before finally taking my place in front of my dance partner. "I'm afraid I have a confession to make," I announced.

He looked at me expectantly. "Go on."

"As much as I would like to lead, I think I would accidentally send us to our deaths or at the very least a broken bone or two," I replied matter-of-factly.

"I see," he drawled smugly, "you don't know how to dance?"

"Psh," I waved away his pompous remark, "I can dance." I shifted side to side nervously. "As long as there are no official, choreographed steps involved."

He laughed then curled his fingers, summoning me closer. "Considering our vast difference in size and strength, I should probably lead anyway."

And there it was, the moment of truth. I placed one hand in his and waited. It did not escape me that this would be the most intimate thing we would physically share. The few embraces I had been able to get would not compare, I knew, because he hardly participated in them. It was as if he kept himself from enjoying them and was quick to tear himself away each time. This would be different. I could already sense it. Slowly and gently, he took my other hand and placed it on his chest. His other paw, he gingerly placed on my waist. My heart started to race, and the room felt warm.

"Oh good," I squeaked with nervous relief, "I thought for a moment this would be an uptight minuet. A waltz is much more exciting."

"I'm glad we agree on that," he murmured. "Try not to resist me. I would like to avoid those broken bones you mentioned earlier," he said very seriously.

I gulped hard and nodded.

It felt so sudden. One moment we were standing there quite still and the next, the room was a blur. He led so expertly and confidently that I'm not even sure my feet touched the ground at all. I stared up into his face, and he stared down at mine. He was in complete control, and I relaxed as much as I could though it was sometimes hard to breathe. Once I grew used to the movements, I found a steady rhythm for my breath. At one point he pressed me against him, lifting me off the ground, and spun us around the dance floor. It was exhilarating, and I laughed openly while throwing my arms around his neck and burying my face in his mane to keep me from getting nauseous. He slowed to a stop but held me in place. I could feel his breath in my hair and his chest heaving against my own. My giggling trailed off as the reality of the moment set in. The music had stopped playing. We had stopped moving. I could hear a rumbling in his chest. Was it a purr or growl? I am not certain. I stayed still and tried to catch my breath, but it was nearly impossible. His chest vibrated right through me, and if the room felt warm before, it was sweltering now. Slowly, I leaned away from him to look at his face, but he held me tighter.

"Don't," he rasped desperately.

I could tell he was trying to steady his own breathing. His embrace was almost cutting off my air supply, but I kept still. Finally, he bent forward until my feet touched the ground. He was rigid while he peeled his arms off me, slowly, as if it was painful to let me go. His face hovered over mine, and I could finally see him. He looked almost fearful. His irises were nearly swallowed whole by his black pupils, and he was taking deep, shaky breaths through his mouth. I was transfixed once more to his primal features. This was it. This was my chance to kiss him, and I was aiming for his dark, smooth lips when he abruptly took steps away from me and stood straight.

"My apologies," he said with a long exhale, "I got carried away and thought I'd lose my footing."

I blinked in surprise. Did he lie to me, I wondered? Or was the passionate moment really just him trying to keep us from falling over? "Oh," I let out, "that's all right." I felt so stupid. My arms dropped to my sides in disappointment.

"I think that's enough dancing for tonight," he chuckled nervously, "It's been ages since I've had a dance partner and I'm afraid I've indulged in too much wine." He almost turned away from me but then remembered himself. "Lord Kari, would you join me in the parlour?"

I bowed stiffly. "Of course, your Majesty," I said curtly and escorted us out of the ballroom.

I had not stepped foot in the parlour since the first time I came to the castle. We preferred our evenings in the library. The parlour was the place where I first laid eyes on Searlus to discuss the terms of our courtship. Walking into the room at that moment, I felt odd. Although the room looked inviting and there was a friendly fire waiting for us, the memory of the place gave me the same ominous feeling I had when I first arrived six months ago, but it was fleeting. As soon as we reached the fire's warmth, the sensation was dispelled.

There were several chairs available, but I caught sight of a loveseat and led us there. In the moments it took to get to my target, I pondered on what the hell I had been thinking in trying to Kiss Searlus on the lips. Was I mad? It was supposed to be a friendly kiss. Though a kiss on the lips could be friendly, I was sure it would be too shocking for the poor man. Still, I wondered what had possessed me. I had felt warm and impassioned. I dare say I may have even felt aroused. But it had to have been induced by the dancing and our intimate embrace. I knew I was lying to myself. I've been ignoring the fact that my feelings for Searlus have deepened over time, but I could not bear to face how deeply my feelings ran. Regardless of my earlier failure, my mind was made up. I would kiss Searlus before the night was over, not only for his benefit but to see how I felt when the deed was done.

We reached the loveseat, and I played innocent. "This a comfortable distance from the fireplace and enough room for both of us."

I didn't even look at him, but I could feel his hesitance. He sat, and I noted that as long as I was standing and he sitting, I could easily give him a smooch when the opportunity arose. I sat next to him and crossed my ankle over my knee in a casual manner. He seemed to relax, but I saw his tail twitch whenever it grazed my leg.

A tray rolled over to us with tea. I took the liberty of pouring brandy in our cups. "I have a proposition," I said as handed him his cup. "Ask me any question, innocent or personal, and if I answer, I will ask you a question of the same, and you must answer."

He groaned a bit. "And if I wish not to answer?"

I chuckled after taking a sip of my tea, "you may skip as many questions as I do. I think that's fair."

"Hmm, yes, I suppose it is."

"Are we game them?" I looked at him expectantly, and he nodded. "Good! You ask first."

He looked into his tea as if the questions were swirling around in there. "How many hearts have you broken?"

I nearly spit out my beverage but swallowed instead. "Wow."

"Sorry, that was too forward--"

"No-no! Just odd that you assume I've broken any!" I snickered.

He shrugged and gave me a sad smile. "With a face like yours, I assume it's more than you think."

I looked at him thoughtfully. "Maybe." I sighed. "I suppose I don't know how many in truth but there was one woman who wanted to leave her husband for me. She was lovely and apparently deeply in love with me, but…"  
Searlus eyed me intently. "But you did not love her?"

I shook my head. "It was a short affair. She didn't know me, not really." I looked up at the ceiling and pondered on the question again. "There was another. Barely a man but old enough to marry. He was younger than me by a few years, he worked for my father, and we spent one night together. Just one. And he proposed the next morning."

Searlus laughed a bit mirthlessly. "Poor bloke."

I smiled sadly. "Yes. Poor bloke. No matter how many times I broke his heart, he pursued me. He asked me to marry him a dozen times over the course of a year. He was a pain in my arse."

"How did you get him to stop?"

I looked down at my wedding band. "I said, yes." I glanced at Searlus who looked deeply saddened.

"I'm sorry," he breathed.

"Don't be." I gave my knee a slap and straightened up. "My turn!" I exclaimed triumphantly. "And you must answer because I answered your question. "Before me, which courtship was your longest?"

Searlus became as still as a statue. I thought he'd insist on not answering the question, but again, he surprised me. "Princess Amelia," he replied softly. "She stayed just shy of three months."

I was astounded. "Really? When was this? I thought the longest was a tavern girl who stayed a whole week!"

He let out a sigh. "No, that was Lizette, and she stayed five days. The Princes' stay was kept secret for her sake. Hard to imagine, but I am a King, after all. Greed and ambition lead all sorts to my gates."

As he sipped at his tea, I was struck by a sad notion. "Do you remember all of them?"

"Every single one," he admitted. "I keep a log."

I frowned. "I don't think that's very gentlemanly, Searlus. Keeping a little book of all your conquests," I jeered.

He was quick to amend his statement. "It's not like that!" He placed his cup down and gesticulated while he defended himself. "I must keep track, you know, for the allowances, keeping the treasury in order and all that. You know!"

I placed a hand on his thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. He looked down and stared at my lingering touch. "I understand. I was just making fun. You're adorable when you get all flustered."

He didn't seem to have been listening because he never retorted and instead he gently placed his large paw over mine. I felt an ache I thought I'd never been able to feel again as he stroked my fingers. He was lost in the moment and when he spoke it was as if he was talking to himself rather than to me.

"When we first met, here in this very room, I knew you were different." He continued to caress my hand very slowly with the pad of his thumb and never blinked as he continued reminiscing. "You were calm when I came out of the shadows, and I thought maybe you were near blind because you did not react as I expected. Just a brief look of mild surprise. You didn't gasp, or scream, or faint. And you spoke to me without an ounce of fear." He let out a breathy laugh but still would not look me in the eye. "Forward. Courteous but very forward. You treated me like I was your equal."

I was losing my senses. My whole body tingled with goose pimples, my heart rivalled the speed of rabbits, and all I could do was stare at his lips. I decided to let my eyes linger over his form since he was still gazing into nothing. His cat-like face was not ugly. In fact, I found it handsome. He had broad shoulders and looked like he might be very muscular under all of those layers. His chest seemed so welcoming. I just wanted to curl up on his lap and listen to his heartbeat.

"Amelia was set on marrying me, you know? She was to bed one of her distant cousins to produce my heir."

I nearly choked on my own saliva as I sputtered in shock and outrage. "W-what?!" He was snapped out of his reverie at my loud exclamation and set his surprised eyes on my own. "How-how could you say something-something like that so nonchalantly?! As if it is some normal thing to say! 'Oh, by the way, I was almost married to some Princes who planned to have an affair and an illegitimate child for me to raise as my own!' Outrageous!"

He started to chuckle before I even finished my rant and I could not believe my ears. "It was part of the arrangement," he said as if I was some naive child, "all royal heirs are arranged to be married and usually before they take their first breath of air!" He laughed again and patted my hand reassuringly. "And now is when you decide to look at me like I am a freak of nature?"

I realized I was giving him a look of disgust. "The freak of nature is not you, but that arrangement! Firstly, no one - especially children - should have their marriages arranged! Secondly, I absolutely scorn the idea of such a loathsome union where it is planned, for god's sake, to stay loveless! Have an ongoing affair. Have someone else's child! Psh!"

Searlus tilted his head and gave me a strange look like he was confused by my words. "You surprise me. You being so open-minded, it did not occur to me that you would find an arrangement like that loathsome. I agree marriages should not be loveless, it is why the engagement was broken, but…" he shrugged and shook his head, "how else am I to produce an heir? I'd never leave my kingdom in the hands of my cousins. What a disastrous thing that would be!"

I was still so out of sorts that I did not consider my words before I foolishly let them escape my mouth. "Then you produce an heir the old-fashioned way, thank you very much, and father your own children!"

His face was suddenly void of all feeling or expression, and before he replied to me, I knew I had said something very wrong. "My own… children." He removed his hand from mine. "Assuming it was possible, my Lord, how do you imagine my child would look? Soft, pink, delicate and human like their mother?" He leaned close to me, held up his paw, and let his claws glisten by my face. "Or would they be more like their father?"

"I-I don't know but-"

"Let us imagine them to be as monstrous as their papa," he sneered, "do you think their mother would survive long enough to birth them? Do you think they'd claw their way out of her womb?"

"Searlus, please-"

"Do you think me so cruel as to subject anyone to such a curse? "

"I'm sorry," I pleaded and grabbed his hand, but he pulled it out of my grasp and turned his face away from me. I threw myself to my knees before him and begged. "Please forgive me. Please. I'll never forgive myself for ruining such a wonderful evening because of my stupid mouth."

He shook his head and kept his face averted. He was angry. He was hurt. And it was killing me. I could tell he thought of charging for the door so I decided that this was my moment. At the very least, a kiss would distract him, and I could say I was beside myself with worry and could think of no other way to gain his forgiveness. I gripped onto his pants and pushed myself to stand. I was aiming for his cheek, but my sudden proximity must have startled him because he turned his head and by doing so, crashed the brunt of his horn on the side of my head.

"BELLE!" I heard him exclaim as the stars started to recede from my vision only to be replaced with nothing but black...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. A Gory Disposition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how I've written so much over this vacation. Stayed up until 2 AM one night and then kept going the next day at every opportunity. Finished it today and I hope there aren't too many typos. 
> 
> Do let me know what you all think of this chapter. Kinda flyin' by the seat of my pants here lol.
> 
> Anyway! Let the fluff begin!

 

I vaguely remember opening my eyes to find myself in a room that was strange to me. I could hear a fire crackling and there were candles by the bedside, which I discovered was on the ground. I was covered in heavy blankets and was much too warm, but they smelled of pine. Of him. I heard and felt breathing close to my face but when I turned my head, the world spun, and my head felt like I had been struck once more. I keened with pain, and the bed shook and dipped. My vision blurred but I knew Searlus' face hovered over my own.

"Belle! Try not to move," he said with urgency. "I've done all that I can. The Healer said you are almost out of danger. Please try to stay awake. I can't..." he choked down a sob, "I cannot lose you too. Please." He begged quietly.

All was dark again but because I had shut my eyes. The little light available was blinding. I tried to speak, and I realized my throat was so parched, I could barely make out a word. I squirmed again.

"What is it?" He panicked. "What can I do?" He must have seen I was trying to escape the blankets that were binding me and quickly made work to remove them. "You're sweating. It is too warm!" He finally realized. He left my side, and I felt a gust of cool air breeze through. It was heaven, but my lips burned for water. "Here, don't move." I heard him say as something cool poked at my lips. It felt like glass. "It's a dropper," he explained, "with water and something for the pain." I sucked on the invading tool eagerly and winced when shooting pain enveloped me again.

"More," I requested hoarsely.

"A little bit at a time. You could get sick again and faint once more. That would be dangerous."

I groaned with misery. I had a concussion and probably vomited all over him at some point. How dreadfully mortifying.

"I... don't... faint," I growled. Those were the last words I remember before I did exactly that.

I could hear soft murmuring when I next stirred from my slumber. A feminine voice was speaking, and I was suddenly filled with jealousy. He's brought another woman to replace me already, I thought in my delirium. Why? I lamented and started to feel a deep ache in my chest that rivalled the pain in my head. I snivelled like a child when I imagined Searlus dancing with another in his arms.

"Belle?" A man's voice called to me. Not just any man...

I opened my eyes, and a familiar face greeted me. "Papa!" I gasped and threw my arms around his neck and pulled him to me.

"Oof! Belle, for goodness sake! You'll injure yourself," he muffled into my pillow. I pulled my arms off him, and he leaned back to look at my face. He grimaced but smiled. "My child, I'd say I've seen you in worse conditions, but you look quite dreadful."

I heard a soft chuckle and turned to the source much too quickly. "Oh dear god," I groaned and shut my eyes, "I'm dying."

The woman scoffed. "You most certainly are not! Here, I have something for the pain."

When I dared open my eyes again, a plump, rosy-cheeked, woman sat by my side with a dropper in one hand and glass of water in the other. I gulped down both with vigour. I glanced around the room and frowned. I was in my bed, in my quarters. The medication was fast working because I was able to think clearly almost immediately. I marvelled at my present company.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned with joy. I hadn't seen another person in over six months, and I was as ecstatic as I could be for a head trauma patient. "And who you are you?" I asked the woman.

"My name is Anne. I'm the Royal Healer. The King sent for us both. You gave him quite a fright," she ended seriously.

"And me!" Papa said sternly. "What happened, Belle? The King wouldn't say. Just said you had an accident." He looked at me expectantly, but I noticed a shadow in his eyes. It was the same look he gave anyone he thought was stealing cargo off his ship.

I moaned aloud as I recalled how and what had befallen me. "I'm a fool," I said somberly. "It... it was an accident."

The two older and wiser ones in the room gave each other a worried look. Anne turned to me and grabbed my hand gently. "Did he... did he hurt you...?" She asked tentatively.

I was immediately defensive. "It was an accident, and it was my fault."

She nodded, but my father began to fume. He slammed a fist to his thigh. "Belle, if that monster put a hand on you--"

"Stop, please!" I yelled as my head began to throb again. "He is not a monster, father. I got in his way. He didn't see. That is all." I brought a hand to my bandaged head and winced.

"All right, dear," Anne comforted, "we believe you."

"Well, I don't!" My father cried out indignantly. "I'm your father. I know when you're not telling the truth. You're an awful liar."

"I'm not lying," I said through clenched teeth but blushed anyway.

He narrowed his eyes and pointed an accusing finger at me. "You're hiding something then. Tell us how it happened. Exactly how it happened or I will not put this to r--"

"I tried to kiss him!" I finally growled out. I let the information sink in and watched my father turn white. Anne looked astounded. "I wanted to surprise him... and... I failed. Obviously." I groaned again. "I'm a fool."

Anne looked thoughtful for a moment before she grimaced. "That explains it then. He must have accidentally knocked you with his horn."

I was shocked that she had guessed that so accurately. They must have seen him during their stay. He showed himself to them. "But how did you know it was his horn?" I asked bewildered.

Anne frowned and shook her head. "I had to treat his injury as well and--"

I jolted to a sitting position and nearly fainted again, but I didn't care. "What injury?!"

"Goodness, girl!" Anne supported my weight and helped me settle back down. "Do you have no sense?" She scolded.

"What injury? I demand to know," I cried.

She raised an angry brow at me. "Patient Healer Confidentiality," she replied indignantly. "If you don't know, then inquire with the King himself." She stood up and padded her skirts. "You seem to be recovering nicely so I must go now. I have other patients to attend to. No sudden movements and don't you dare try to leave this bed under any circumstances until I say so. I'll return tomorrow." She turned to my father. "Until tomorrow Maurice." She smiled coyly, which did not escape my notice. "Keep an eye on her."

"Thank you, Anne," he bowed with gratitude and blushed. "I'm sure when Belle is feeling better, she'll show proper gratitude." He glared at me.

"I'm sorry, Anne," I muttered. "Thank you for everything." She nodded and turned to leave. "Wait!" She looked at me again. "Please tell Searlus I'm awake and I'd like to see him." I was beyond worried for him. I needed to know what injury she spoke of. "Could you at least tell me he's all right?" I pleaded.

Anne gave me a sad smile. "He'll be fine. And I'm sure His Majesty will be relieved to know that you've asked for him." She nodded and took her leave.

My father turned to me with eyes cast down. "You really tried to kiss..." he cleared his throat, "the King?"

I could feel my blush spreading across my cheeks. "I, well, yes. Yes, I did." I sighed. "God, what he must think of me. I'm such an idiot!"

"So," he walked toward me and sat on my bed once more, "you're doing this then? This courtship isn't a farce?" He looked at me with grave concern.

I frowned. "I never meant it to be a farce, well, I mean, I suppose I hadn't expected to stay here longer than a night but," I closed my eyes and sighed then opened them again, "I can't explain it. He's so... I just..."

"My god," he breathed in shock, "you're in love with him."

My eyes widened as those words were said aloud. Love. In love. With him. My god. "I... I don't know. I think..." I gazed into my father's eyes and sobbed, "I think so!" Then I cried. I cried out of guilt of being able to heal and love again. I cried from relief that I didn't have to battle with my feelings any longer. I cried over the possibility that my feelings for Searlus would ruin our friendship. I cried hard so hard and for so long that my pain returned with a vengeance. It was poetic really. I had been trying to beat down those feelings and questions as hard as I could. And they beat me back bloody.

Papa finally comforted me enough to quite me, but it was too late. My nose tingled, my head throbbed, and I could barely open my eyes from how puffy they'd gotten. I hiccupped through my request for more water. I was exhausted and hadn't even noticed I was falling asleep.

"It's all right, Belle," my father soothed, "get some sleep. We can talk about it when you wake up."

I sniffed and whimpered. "Okay." And I slept.

I had a nightmare of epic proportions. I was at sea. A violent storm overhead was trying to blow me overboard. I held a hand at my eyes and squinted, trying hard to find Searlus. I was suddenly in the crow's nest, and I spotted Searlus on a rock in the middle of the ocean. I screamed out his name, but he could not hear me. I yelled and shouted but to no avail. He threw his arms open and let himself fall back into the dark, raging waters. I cried out again then threw myself to the sea to save him, but when I hit the water, I awoke.

I awoke with a start. It was dark now, but I could see that a hooded figure loomed over me holding a candelabra to my face. I was about to cry out when the figure spoke. "I'm sorry," Searlus whispered urgently, "I didn't mean to frighten you. I was just - I shouldn't have come. I'll leave." He retreated, but I threw out my hand to him.

"Wait! Please!" He froze. "Don't leave. I wanted to see you." I couldn't make out his face under his hood. "Come here," I reached out further, stretching my fingers out to him desperately.

He approached and set the candelabra on the table near my bedside but never took my hand. I was able to see his chin and mouth, but only a nocturnal glint of his eyes. "How do you feel?"

My hand fell to my side, and I tried to ignore the pang in my gut. "I feel better," I assured him. "I guess I do faint," I said guiltily.

He grunted and dropped his head. "You do remember," he muttered with misery.

"Searlus, I'm so sorry," I started to tear up at once.

He snapped his head up. "I am the one who should be sorry. In my carelessness I nearly killed you," he grieved.

The pain in his voice almost drove me to madness. "No! It was my carelessness! Mine alone. I shouldn't have surprised you. I should have asked your permission. I was just so distraught after my remark. I made you so upset. I just thought I could make it up to you--"

"Permission? Permission to what?" He asked, confused.

I held my breath. He didn't know. He had no idea I had tried to kiss him. He had been blaming himself not knowing that I was entirely responsible for my injury. His wound came to mind.

"Take off your hood. Come into the light," I commanded as gently as I could.

A silent moment passed before he finally complied. He moved into the light and slowly removed his hood as he crouched near. My hands shot to my mouth, and a loud gasp escaped me. One horn was a quarter of its original size, jagged and broken, and the other I could not see at all because a bloody bandage covered it.

"It will never happen again," he muttered, "I'll keep them as short as I can. I promise," his voice shook.

I sat up despite Anne's instructions and grabbed his face. "Oh, Searlus, how could you?!" I sobbed. "How could you hurt yourself so?"

He furrowed his brow and frowned. "I'm fine. I should have had Anne do it properly, but..." he shut his eyes, "I was overcome with grief, Belle, I thought you would surely die in my arms. There was so much blood." He shuddered. "I was rash, but it's nothing. Nevermind me. I'm so glad you are - I was so worried--"

I pulled him to me and wrapped my arms around his neck. "We're both fools then," I rasped into his ear. "Sit by me." I pulled away and moved aside gingerly so that he could sit on the bed. He made no move to sit and stared at me uncertainly. I patted the mattress and managed a smile. "Come." I leaned back on my mountain of pillows and waited.

Finally, he came to a decision and sat carefully. The bed groaned and dipped under his weight, but it held. I grabbed his paw with both hands and brought it to my cheek. "This is all my fault," I whispered then turned my face into his palm and placed a light kiss there. I feared he'd tear away from me, but he didn't. So, I glanced at his face to see his expression. I smirked into his hand when I saw how baffled he looked. That's what I was trying to do," I admitted quietly. "All evening."

"What?" He let out in one big breath, utterly perplexed.

"I tried to kiss you, but you turned--"

"Because of what I told you the night before?" He shook his head and pulled his hand away. "I did not tell you that to take pity on me, Belle," he chastised. "You could have died over something as foolish as that," he spat severely then turned from me.

My heart threatened to shatter to pieces. The thought of a kiss from me was foolish. Tears burned in my eyes once more. I could never tell him that I loved him. The rejection would be too much to bear. But I had to say something. "It wasn't out of pity," I whispered.

He stared at the palm I kissed for a long time even when he spoke to me. "Then what?" He murmured back. I thought I heard him hold his breath with a quick, soft gasp.

I needed to tell him the truth for both our sakes but I could not form the simple words. "It's just been you and me in this empty castle for months until today - and I don't know how I will ever show my gratitude to you for letting me see my father - but you have been my only friend, and I hurt you. I wanted to show you affection to dispel your anger towards me. It's... natural between... friends... and family to do things like that."

"You said you had been trying to kiss me all evening," he accused and sent glance my way.

He had me there. "I was," I wracked my brain, trying to find another excuse, "Kari!" I sighed with relief. "I was planning it, yes, because I was playing a part but then - then what happened was--"

He dipped his head into his hands and sighed loudly. "You were telling the truth that day," he murmured, then lifted his face once more and stared into the candlelight, "you're an awful liar." He eyed me with a blank expression then gave me the slightest of smirks.

I flushed and shrunk into my blankets and pillows. "It wasn't out of pity," I said firmly again.

He nodded his head before he narrowed his eyes. "Never try to surprise me like that again. No more games of trying to catch me off guard or goad me. You've seen only a fraction of my strength and..." he grimaced, "instincts. I care for you, Belle, I cannot stress enough how grief-stricken I was at the thought of," he forced down a sob, "losing you. Especially at my hands," he finished hoarsely.

"Or horns," I offered with a shrug.

He scoffed mirthlessly and shook his head. He muttered something about impudence and clowns. I couldn't make it out, but I knew he was only slightly frustrated now. That was better than depressed or angry, so I smiled at him. He managed to smile back, then took my hand. "Promise me. No more surprises or plots."

"Oh no," I denied, "I promise not to surprise you with kisses or tackling, but you cannot take away my plots."

"Belle," he said gravely.

"But I need them," I pouted, "how else am I to sneak over your extremely guarded walls?"

He chuckled and gave my hand a light squeeze. "Just ask. Where there are walls, there are doors. I'm sure I have at least one I can open for you upon request."

"And if you deny me?" I asked as I folded my arms over my chest.

He sighed. "I don't think I could ever deny you anything."

I felt my heart skip in my ever warming chest. "Really?"

He nodded somberly. "Really."

My mind raced with possibilities. "Then I think I have a request."

He rolled his eyes. "Of course you do. Well, name it."

"I'd like a kiss," I blurted out before I could regret not saying it. I was fidgeting with my fingers, waiting for him to scoff, laugh, yell, anything. He stared into my eyes, maybe to decipher my intentions or gauge my seriousness.

He must have seen my earnestness because he looked down at our hands and gingerly lifted them to bring my fingers to his lips. He brushed them ever so lightly; it felt more like air than lips. Still, my arm erupted in goose pimples, and he eyed the phenomena curiously.

"You call that a kiss?" I finally let out wondering how far I could take things. "I'd prefer one on my cheek."

Searlus tilted his head and surveyed me again. He appeared apprehensive as his eyes shifted in thought. He leaned over me, bracing himself with arms on either side of me and stopped a hairs breath away from my face. I heard him sniff me and then listened to a soft purr in his chest. I waited and kept my eyes on him the whole time expectantly. He closed the distance and placed a quick, chaste peck just above my jaw, then lifted himself but not wholly.

While he continued to hover over me so intimately, my heart thumped in my ears. "Thank you," I murmured.

"I'm honoured," he whispered back. "Anything else?" He asked with a playful quirk of his brow.

I couldn't believe my luck. "I could, that is, I would like to return it - only if it pleases you, of course. No pressure."

"It would," he purred, "please me." The way he said those words made my belly pool with warmth.

I trembled from the anticipation when he started to lean close again. I wanted to do it right and make it memorable. I wanted to cup his face and capture his lips, but I'd be breaking my promise, and I would not ruin the moment. I placed my right hand on his outer cheek and my other hand just behind his head. I turned my face and pressed my lips just shy of the corner of his own. It was deep and long, and I made sure to make the tiniest smacking sound at its end. I caressed him with my thumb for good measure and leaned back into my pillows.

His eyes had darkened, and his nostrils flared. That look promised there might be more to come and I wanted whatever he would offer. "You should rest," he rumbled instead and stood. He lifted his hood over his head once more.

"Will I see you in the morning?" I asked.

He paused mid-step. "Enjoy your time with your father. Heal. I will visit when your company is asleep tomorrow night."

"But I want you to meet him!" I protested.

Searlus gave me a sideways glance. "We've met."

"Not properly, I can tell. Have breakfast with us," I offered.

He frowned. "Perhaps. If my duties do not keep me long, I will visit sooner. Now rest and good night." He gave me a slight bow, and I watched him leave.

I was filled with so many emotions, and I had no idea whether to laugh or cry. My hand and cheek still tingled from his kiss. Had it really happened? I wondered. It was so surreal in the eerie light of the candelabra that he left by my bedside. I looked at the elaborate thing. Its candles were still full and tall though its light began to dim as if telling me it was time to sleep. I watched it, entranced, and by the time the light was snuffed out, I was dreaming of exciting waltzes, furry embraces, and lingering kisses.

That morning, I awoke to my father trying to be as quiet as possible and failing miserably. He had bumped into the wardrobe accidentally, and it retaliated by swinging its door open and hitting square on the shoulder.

"Ouch!" He shook his fist at it. "Blasted thing, I'll turn you into firewood!" he ground out.

I chuckled, which reminded me of my ailment immediately, though I was feeling much better. "She's a feisty one. I wager she'll turn you into clothing fit for a clown before you get an axe anywhere near her."

My father shook his head with wonder and brought a chair by my side. He coughed a bit, and I frowned. He saw my concern and waved it away. "I'm much better recently. Anne herself has been seeing to me under the King's orders for some time now. Apparently, it's not consumption. So, that's good news."

"Thank heavens," I breathed with relief, "what is it then?"

He shrugged. "She says I have weak lungs. The coughing fits, fatigue and wheezing might be environmental, she said. Whatever that means. She suggests I move to the city or right by the water."

"Then head her words," I suggested.

"I might, now that I'm allowed to visit you." He looked uncertain. "Or at least, I think I am. I wonder if this visit was only allowed because he nearly killed you."

"Father, please. You know it was my doing already," I tried to explain again.

He fidgeted and threw out his hands with frustration. "Yes, well, it wouldn't have happened if he were normal, now wouldn't it? "

I scowled. "That's hardly his fault," I defended and started to feel the heat rise to my cheeks from anger.

Papa hung his head and sighed. "You're right, of course. Sorry. It's just," he took my hand, "he has you, and I don't." He patted my hand. "I've been very lonely without you."

I raised an eyebrow at him and gave him a suspicious look. "Anne hasn't been keeping you company then?"

He blushed, and immediately grew flustered. "I-uh-well-I- she's a good friend. I'm an old man - I have no time for such things!"

I smirked. "I think she's smitten with you too, Papa."

His eyes widened, and he appeared hopeful. "You think so?"

I nodded. "Mhm."

He chuckled and straightened his jacket. "I still got it then."

A light knock came at the door, and I bid them enter. Hoping it was Searlus, I sat up as quickly as I could without injuring myself and tucked my rat's nest of hair behind my ears. It was Anne. I visibly deflated and my father gave me a bewildered look. A small tray followed the Healer into the room with breakfast and tea.

"Good morning," Anne said with a brilliant smile at us.

My father watched her with pure adoration. "Good morning," he lilted with gentlemanly charm, then suddenly started hacking and heaving. I would have laughed had I not been so worried for him.

"By the stars, Maurice!" She scolded and patted his pockets until she pulled out a pipe. She helped him up and began to push him toward my balcony. "Outside with you and smoke the Jimson weed I gave you!"

He was still coughing but complied and made his way out. Anne stayed out with him until his coughing ceased, then came to bed, leaving my father to smoke outside. I thought about the irony of Papa's medicine, but I had a more burning question to ask her as she unwrapped my bandage.

"Hello Anne," I greeted as politely as I could while I winced from the change in pressure on my head. "How are you today?" I asked chipperly, hoping to disarm her with charm so that she'd speak to me freely about Searlus' injury.

She smiled and didn't even look at me. "His Majesty is fine, Miss. You need not worry about him. I just left him. He heals quickly. No permanent damage was done."

I sighed and gave her a guilty smile. "Thank you."

She winked at me and gingerly rubbed a salve on my head wound. "This will help, but I can't promise it won't scar."

I waved away the comment. "Bah. A little scar is nothing to worry about." I was more worried about the fact that I could not feel or use the sixth sense that helped me locate Searlus and accurately decipher his moods.

I noticed Anne looking at me as if she wasn't sure I wanted to hear what she had to say next. "Maybe I should give you a mirror," she nodded soberly, pulled a beautiful hand mirror out of her pocket, and handed it to me.

I looked, and my jaw dropped open. The stitched gash on my head was definitely not little - about three or four inches in length that ran from above my eyebrow, up over my temple. I was missing hair - probably shaved off to stitch the wound. I had black, blue, and purple stains surrounding it that dipped down around my eye. I looked horrid.

"Mother of Pearl," I breathed, horrified, "he saw me like this."

Anne scoffed. "And that's what she thinks about," she muttered in disbelief.

I inspected myself some more and lamented the fact that I would, indeed, scar very badly. The hair would grow back but not along the offensive line that would forever be there. I liked to pretend that my beauty never affected me, but it did. I knew I was beautiful and used my beauty to my advantage whenever I could. I had other smaller scars but never on my face. My vanity suffered.

"There it is," Anne chuckled, "there's the reaction I had expected." She patted my leg reassuringly. "Not to worry! Lots of things available to you to hide it once you've healed."

I nodded but was still utterly depressed. "Anne," I pouted, "would you help me brush my hair before you bandage me. In case Searlus comes to call on me?" I widened my eyes in horror that I had not bathed since the morning of the ball. "Oh, I must have a bath as well!" My moontime had surely ended but having not bathed - I shuddered at the thought of Searlus smelling me. I was sure I had been in his bed the evening on the accident. "Oh-my-god, I must have a bath immediately!" I panicked.

"I'll fetch the basin and rags--"

"NO! I must be submerged! Scrubbed until I'm raw!" I whined with misery.

My father entered the room at the same time a hooded Searlus did. Everyone froze and stared at their King in shock. Then awkward chaos erupted.

"Your Majesty!" Anne stood abruptly and nearly fell over from her quick curtsy.

"Sire!" My father dropped his pipe and scrambled to pick it up while also trying to kneel and show respect.

"How dare you just waltz in here!" I lashed out at him undeservedly.

He flinched visibly at my heated remark while my father and the Healer looked at me like I would be sent to the gallows. "My apologies, the door was ajar," he explained quickly. "I didn't mean to--" he finally noticed the state I was in and stared at the side of my unbandaged head with a mixture of guilt and terror.

I pulled my sheet up to shield him from witnessing my gory and unappealing disposition. "Leave this instant!" The familiar sound of his billowing cape told me he had gone. I peeked over my sheet to make sure, then dropped my face into my hands and groaned. "Shit." My head was pounding from all the yelling I had just done. "Pain-pain-pain! I'm in pain!"

"Here, dear!" Anne held out a small vial, which I took in a frenzy.

After a few moments, the pain receded, and I sighed with relief. I looked at my present company who eyed me like I was a madwoman. "What?" I asked, annoyed.

"Oh, nothing-nothing." "Nothing at all," They muttered in unison.

Then Anne erupted in loud guffaws. "You just yelled at and dismissed a King, you lunatic! Ohohoho! Maurice!" She slapped my father hard on the shoulder, which made him jump. "You said she was gutsy, not daft!" She placed her hands on her belly and laughed louder. "I love her - I love you, darling!" She wiped her tears from my eyes and started for the bathing room. "Oh my word," she continued giggling as she disappeared, "the look on his face!" Her laughter diminished in volume under the sound of the enchanted tub being filled with water.

My father had a bemused smirk on his face. "I guess we just found out who's really in charge around here, eh?" He chuckled. "I'll let you get ready and," he looked to the door and shook his head, "see if I can find the King and hopefully remedy the situation."

"Bah!" I dismissed the idea. "He won't sentence me to death, if that's what you're worried about," I muttered, annoyed.

"Ha! That's for certain, but I wasn't referring to that, child. I was referring to his ego." His eyes widened, and he pursed his lips. "Poor man," Papa said with a sigh and exited the room making sure to close it properly on his way out.

"Wonderful," I bit out to myself, "at least Papa is taking his side instead of despising him." I frowned. The more the pain in my head receded, the more the ache in my heart grew. I tried not to be too hard on myself. I had a head injury for god's sake! But the look on Searlus' face broke my heart. I kept seeing it in my mind and changing how I could have better handled the situation. His kiss came to memory, and I threw my hands to my cheeks suddenly. "I must make it up to him," I thought aloud.

I caught Anne staring at me from the doorway of the bathing room with a knowing look on her face. She nodded. "I'm sure your recovery will suffice. Now let's get you cleaned up. Call the chaise over, and I'll help you onto it."

I was confused. "What?"

"Well, I can't carry you. You're much taller, and I'm too old for that! Come on now." She crossed her arms and waited.

I shook my head and gave her an uncertain smile. "I don't know how to just summon furniture!" I laughed rudely at the ridiculous thought. "What am I to say? 'Here little chaise! Come hither from the--' "

My jaw dropped. The chaise was already on its way, happily clacking its wooden legs on the floor, and stopped right by the bed. It even grew to the hight of my bed to ease my transfer. It seemed very eager to please.

Anne chuckled. "You've been here over six months, and you didn't know you had command over your own furniture?"

I glared at the wardrobe and pointed an accusing finger at it. "So, you're just plain old defiant!" It groaned at me in what seemed like a series of chuckles. I looked to Anne again in wonder.

Anne walked over and patted the wardrobe. "This one?" She laughed. "She was the Queen Mother's, so she has some lofty ideas about herself, don't you old girl?"

The large piece of furniture huffed with dignity through its doors. I looked at her with new eyes. She had once serviced the Queen herself. Searlus' mother. I was overcome with gratitude at the thought of Searlus thinking me worthy enough to have access to his mother's closet. I started to cry.

"Oh, my," Anne lamented as she helped me slide onto the chaise, "your moods might be sensitive for some weeks. A head injury as bad as yours, I'm afraid will induce several symptoms for some time," she explained. "Nausea, mood swings, trouble thinking clearly, memory loss in the worst cases."

I cried harder. "You're not helping."

She patted my shoulder reassuringly then helped me out of my nightgown, and carefully set me in the warm bath water. The soft, lavender and minty aroma soothed my nerves and aches almost immediately. I sighed with content. Anne carefully tied my hair out of the way - I always keep my hair at about shoulder length for practicality.

"How did you know that I could command my furniture and that the wardrobe belonged to the Queen Mother?"

Anne scrubbed at my neck and shoulders gently. "Oh, I've been the Royal Healer since the King was just a wee Prince. I cared for the entire family and the castle's servants."

I started and nearly drenched my companion. "Really?!" I asked excitedly. "Do your memories return when you come to the castle?"

Anne stayed quiet for a long time. I gnawed at my lower lip with anticipation. She finally sighed. "I supposed there's no harm in telling you," she relented. "I don't lose any memory when leaving the castle."

I gasped loudly and tried to turn and face her. She stopped me. "How is that possible?"

"Stay still," she scolded. "It was the Queen Mother who insisted that I be the only one, after my own mother, to never be affected by the magick at the gates. It'd be difficult to perform my duties as a healer if I had to overcome my shock every time I needed to tend to the Prince - I mean King. Not to mention having to relearn his erm… unusual makeup every time to treat him. That would be tedious and dangerous in cases of emergencies."

A thought came to mind. "Were you present at his birth?" I asked with quiet awe.

"I was," she replied somberly. "My mother, God rest her soul, was the midwife, and I assisted her."

I marvelled at the information. "Tell me about it?" I asked politely and hopefully.

"Ooof, that was thirty-three years ago, but I swear I can remember every detail. It's a painful tale, and I don't think the King would like me talking about it. What I will say, is that damned Alchemist got what he deserved." She said with venom.

I furrowed my brow in confusion. "What happened to him?"

"He was stripped of the right to practice or study Alchemy and was exiled. The King wanted him dead, but the Queen thought it was too severe a punishment."

"But he saved his life!" I protested.

"But at what cost, dear?" She retorted. "What kind of life has the King lived? Alone and shunned save for one lowly subject and false admirers, on occasion, for company?"

I grew despondent at once. "I'm not a false admirer," I muttered, hurt. "In any case, the Kingdom has prospered under Searlus' reign. We should all be grateful he's alive."

"Yes, my lady," she replied formally but with a smile in her voice.

I asked a few more questions about his family and what Searlus was like as a child. She gave me little details but mentioned that Searlus was always a dutiful son. He knew his appearance was strange and was taught early on that life would be difficult for him. He treated all with as much kindness as possible in hopes that someday, his appearance would be overlooked. Unfortunately, his experience was worse than his parents anticipated. His sensitive hearing would catch offensive words, and when his cousins visited, he was subject to their cruel pranks and ridicule. He would seclude himself in the library most days until the Queen could no longer stand it and dismissed the servants one by one so that Searlus could roam where ever he pleased without having to suffer for his deformity.

"Before my head injury," I could sense his location and be starting to learn his moods, "why do you think that is?"

Anne looked thoughtful. "No one has ever mentioned that before. I certainly don't have that ability. It might be the castle magic itself. Not everyone can command the enchanted objects here, you know? I was testing you earlier, I admit, to see if that castle likes and respects you. Apparently, it does."

The castle liked me. I smiled at that thought then frowned. Maybe I could no longer sense him because the castle was angry with me for Searlus's injury. "Do you think the castle dislikes me now for what happened?"

"Are you joking?" She laughed loudly. "That chaise nearly tripped over itself to serve you. If you can't sense the King now, I'd say it's just letting your mind rest."

I hoped she was right.

I was magically dressed in the most comfortable nightgown and hooded cape. It was soft, light, and straightforward. I asked the vanity to cover the bruising around my eye, and it obliged most eagerly but gently. After Anne helped me with my hair and bandaged me, I was eager to call on Searlus.

"Shall we go see the King?" I asked Anne hopefully.

"You will go straight to bed," she replied sternly. "I'll let His Majesty know you are ready for his visit."

She left the room, and I twiddled my thumbs impatiently. The next thing I remember was the smell of pine. My eyes fluttered open, and I saw him. Searlus was crouched by my side with his paw in mid-air. He retreated his hand quickly and looked caught off guard.

"You were asleep," he murmured.

I smiled. "And what were you about to do that you look so guilty?" I asked coyly.

He grunted in disappointment but then appeared to gain a little confidence. Instead of telling me, he reached out again slowly and paused before reaching my face. He looked into my eyes as if asking permission to continue. I raised my brow expectantly. I noticed his claws were now filed short, smooth and rounded. I was about to complain about it, but he grazed them softly against my cheek and moved a lock of hair from my face. The pad of his fingers was warm, and his touch sent a shiver of desire through me. I blushed, and he must have noticed because he smiled. He removed his hand, to my disappointment.

"You're not angry with me?" I asked, worried about my outburst earlier.

He snickered. "If I were angry for every impudent thing you've said or done in my presence since you arrived here, I'd never have a moment of happiness," he jested.

  
My mind quickly went to the next thing floating around in my brain, and my mouth opened involuntarily. "Was I in your bed two nights ago?"

His smile fell. "I, erm, yes, but I—"

"I knew it! And you were sleeping next to me!"

"No! No-no-no." He lifted his hands in defence. "I was keeping vigil. I was watching over you to make sure that you… that you…" he appeared pained, "that you were still breathing." He grew flustered again. "My room is next to my lab. All my medicines, tinctures, and healing instruments are there. It was the most convenient place to put you."

I gave him a mischievous smirk and took his hand in mine. "So, I survived a night in your bed, after all."

I chuckled when his eyes widened in embarrassment. Then he scoffed and looked away. "You're impossible," I thought I heard him say with a smile before I fell asleep holding his hand.

 

 

 

 


	9. A Roar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos! It really makes my day to see them. Tomorrow is the last day for my Neither Here Nor There giveaway! So sign up before I announce the winner. I plan to do it around 7 pm pst. Link is on my IG bio @mordellestories and on my tumblr feed @mordellestories
> 
> Since I have no outline for this story, I feel like it's a bit disjointed and I apologize for that. When I turn this into an original novel, I'll fix all that and add more plot. Right now it's focussed on their budding relationship and I like subplots but I can't seem to choose one for this story. So, I'll continue with the main romantic plot for now.
> 
> Question for you all: Should I rewrite this in the third person or keep the first person diary entry format when I decided to clean this story up? Feedback is welcome!

Dear Diary,

It's been some weeks since my last entry. So much has happened and time has gone by so fast. The days have grown longer, warmer, and more beautiful here at the castle. I have recovered for the most part. My head wound has closed nicely, and my hair has grown long enough to cover the still discoloured skin around it. My eye is no longer bruised. Whatever Anne has been rubbing on the area has done wonders in a short time, and I am very grateful. It's hard to say what I've been up to these past four-odd weeks. I feel like so much has been going and at the same time not much at all. Towards the beginning of my healing, I slept so much, the days blurred together. I'm hardly ever left alone. My father is always around, and Anne sometimes stays at the castle so that she doesn't have to travel so much. Her other duties take her elsewhere sometimes, but I have been her primary patient. And Searlus, well, I've actually spent little time with him.

I already knew he'd keep his distance for a specific time, what with my "alluring scent" being heightened and all that nonsense. Not to mention that Searlus does not do well in a group setting. I cannot describe how torturous that week was for me.

Dinner was the only time I knew I'd see him. Anne and my father were always invited, once I was allowed to leave my room and start walking again. Because we had guests, Searlus took his rightful place at the head of the table, and would you believe it, our seats were at the opposite end! I at my usual spot and my father and Anne to my sides. Ridiculous. The table is so large, we must have looked like right fools, but the rooms being enchanted, conversation - which was seldom - carried efficiently. What's worse? He never visited me alone during that time, which meant no more kissing — no hand holding. No embraces. Nothing.

And I will say this: My injury did nothing to stifle my body's desires. If anything, being confined to my bed for so long made things much worse. The frustration was like nothing I've ever experienced. At least I know now that my depression has left me for the most part. In my days of mourning, I had felt little desire to do anything. The confines of the castle were a refuge and not a prison. The outside world did not interest me. Nothing did. I was numb. Well, I'm not numb anymore! My body feels like it has awoken from a very long slumber and the one I've set my heart on has no interest whatsoever in reciprocating my wants. How things have changed. How I have changed. My father took notice of this one afternoon.

"You're different, you know?" He had said while he puffed at his medicinal pipe.

I grunted, barely acknowledging him because let's face it, all I can think about is the sulking, maddening brute that I've fallen in love with.

"When you left me," Papa said gravely, "I was sure that," he sighed, "I felt like I'd never see you again. You used to be so lively, so carefree - maybe a bit too carefree. Everything you suffered, it changed you. I didn't think you'd find yourself again."

I gazed at the floor. I could not admit how right he was, how he had almost lost his only daughter for good. "And what do you think now, Papa?" I asked as I gave him a playful smirk and held his hand.

He smiled and took a long dose of the weed. "You've come out of it all even stronger." He nodded and looked thoughtful. "You've found a piece of yourself here and have built on it. You're happier. Love will do that though."

I looked at him sharply, but his merry eyes disarmed me. "I've yet to actually say the words aloud, Papa." I sighed sadly. "Guilt still gnaws at me whenever I let myself feel too happy. And not knowing if-if my feelings will be returned, well, it keeps me in a safe state of misery - if that makes any sense at all."

When I met my fathers gaze again, he was looking at me with a bored expression. "Are you really going to try and convince me that the King has not already fallen head over heels for you?"

I shook my head and scoffed. "You've seen how he is with me lately."

"Bah," he barked and waved me off, "he's a King, not some barmaid or lowly sailor you were so used to. He's not going to flaunt his affection for you, especially not in front of guests. You're courting for shit's sake. And the guilt," he turned and pointed his pipe at me, "you've nothing to be guilty about." He adjusted in his seat and grew a bit sad. "I know what you mean though. Even now, after so many years, I spend a happy moment with Anne, and I feel like I'm betraying your mother."

"Papa!" I exclaimed.

"No, no," he defended, "I know your mother would want me to be happy. It's natural for those doubts to sneak up on you sometimes, but you must overcome them, Belle, or you'll regret it. Trust me."

I nodded in understanding. "I'm trying." What I didn't want to say was that my guilt did not stem from loving another, but from not feeling guilty that I did. That was the biggest betrayal in my mind.

"I know. Listen," he leaned forward and spoke in a more subdued voice after looking around to see if we were truly alone, "I don't ever want to entertain the idea of what details are entailed should you two marry, I don't, Belle - please never tell your poor old father. But he's a kind soul. Even I can see that. Make sure you know for certain that you love him and figure out what that means for both of you right from the start." He shuddered.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. "The details are dismal, father. You should read my contract," I muttered bitterly.

I had signed away at it the first night I arrived at the castle without so much as a glance. My strong, newfound feelings for Searlus led me to reread it while I was bedridden. My father was curious too, so I took it from my trunk and handed it to him. His brow furrowed deeper and deeper the longer he read.

"I don't understand," my father finally said as he lifted his gaze in my direction. "This isn't a marriage. It's a farce!" He flipped through the pages again determined he'd misread. "A marriage in the eyes of the kingdom only?" He looked at me again. "Explain this."

"The King," I sneered, "is not looking for love. If he finds me to be a suitable Queen, we are to marry in name only. So, you don't have to worry about unappealing details of what would be happening under this roof, my poor old father," I mocked, "because nothing will be happening. Nothing," I bit out resentfully.

Papa scoffed. "You're expected to be abstinent then? You? Ha!"

I frowned at my father's insinuation that I had no self-control when it came to the pleasures of the body. "First of all, I have been abstinent since Gerard. Secondly, you missed article forty-seven," I said through clenched teeth.

Papa flipped through the pages again and ran a finger down the paper until he reached what I had mentioned. "The King and Queen shall decide together, who will... father their heir?" He looked at me over his spectacles and blinked with confusion. "You'll be twenty-nine soon, Belle, better get cracking," he ridiculed. "I'm sure Gaston would love to take the King up on his offer!" He glanced down at the pages again and chuckled. He stopped laughing once he saw my despair. "Oh, Belle, don't you see? This is written for someone who is not expected to love him. You do! Have him toss these in the fire and just love him if that is what you truly want!"

I shook my head. "You don't understand. Anytime I try to get close to him he pulls away. One step forward and ten steps back. What if it's a simple as he does not want a wife? What if he has no desire to have a loving, intimate relationship?" I was running out of breath. "What if he just needs a Queen because he needs an heir? He's already made it very clear to me that he will not, under any circumstances, try to father his own children because of, well, his..."

My father nodded. "Condition?"

I groaned and nearly forgot to stop myself from banging my head against my backrest.

Papa clicked his tongue and frowned. "Well, I don't blame him for that, honestly." He seemed about to say something else and changed his mind. "Anyway, what would you do if he does propose?"

I shut my eyes and took a steadying breath. "I'm not sure."

He shrugged. "You could still have a fulfilling marriage, Belle. Many marriages that are built on mutual respect can be just as strong or stronger than those built on romance. It's still love. Just a different kind." He cringed a moment before he spoke again. "And if you are both completely open about your needs, whatever they may be - again please don't tell me - you might be able to come to some kind of compromise. One can still perform husbandly duties without fathering children, you know." He flinched again.

I rolled my eyes at his childish behaviour. "You're so mature," I deadpanned, then I bit my lip in thought, "but you are right." I grew pensive, and I could not help the new plot that began to form in my mind.

At that moment I had the sense I was being watched. A familiar flicker in my mind's eye told me to look over my balcony towards the garden. I saw Searlus gazing up at me from afar from beneath his hood. He seemed so alone in his dark clothes, surrounded by brightly coloured flowers. I smiled and waved at him. He barely lifted his paw to return my greeting. I motioned for him to come as my father stood next to me to see who I was waving at. Searlus took a step in our direction but then noticed my father. He hesitated there for a moment, then turned and disappeared into the garden.

I deflated as my ego shrivelled up in my gut. "I'm going to take a nap," I muttered before I made my way to my bed.

My father followed but then turned again to the balcony. He stayed there looking very sad and reflective. He was still deep in thought as he left the room.

I thought things would get a bit better the following week. Searlus made more appearances but kept his visits short, and was never seen without his gloomy hood. Then, finally, one evening at dinner, he asked us all to join him for a nightcap in the library. I lit up and was filled with hope until we sat together in silence. It was so awkward. We sipped at our teas and nibbled at our desserts without one bloody word between us.

Just as I was about to speak to break the ice, Searlus spoke.

"Are you enjoying your stay at the castle, My Lord," he referred to my father.

Papa nearly dropped his cup, and I noticed he would not dare look Searlus in the eyes. "Aye, Sire. It's stunning here. Thank you for being so kind as to let me stay with my daughter as she recovers."

"Of course," Searlus replied dryly. He sent a fleeting glance my way then turned his face to the fire.

Anne cleared her throat lightly, and I caught her giving my father a knowing look. He glanced at her and seemed to understand what was unsaid but looked at his unfinished torte sadly. She nudged him again, and he started.

"Ah, Your Majesty, would it be all right if I retire for the night?" He asked a bit nervously. "I must have overextended myself today. I'm feeling rather unwell."

"Oh," exclaimed Anne, "I should tend to you then!" She turned to Searlus as well. "With your permission, of course, Sire?"

Searlus nodded his head without a word. My father gave me a kiss goodnight, and Anne gave me an exaggerated wink before they both left the for the night. I understood immediately what they were trying to do, they were so obvious, and I thanked them internally.

"Will you be retiring as well," Searlus said with a slight bitterness in his voice.

I pleaded with the castle's magic silently for help, and it came to my rescue as I closed my eyes. I ignored the slight thumping on the side of my head and focused on the dark aura before me. He was sad and something else I had never seen. It wasn't quite anger, though the feeling mirrored some of the same erratic behaviours in his glow.

"I'd like to finish my dessert and my tea if that's all right," I replied.

He didn't respond and continued to stare into the flames.

"You know," I warned with a smile, "if you keep referring to my father as Lord, he's bound to start having some lofty ideas about himself. I dare say he walks straighter every time you use the title." I snickered.

He grunted.

I frowned and had the urge of throwing my cake at him. So I did. To my utter surprise and with lightning speed, he caught without so much as a blink my way. It would have hit him on the side of the face had he not. For a moment I didn't know what to do. He just stared at the fire in a strange, silent rage, then he slowly - very slowly - turned his dangerous, darkened eyes on me.

"What?" I asked indignantly as I tried to hide my alarm, "do you expect me to applaud you for catching a cake?" I scoffed and sipped at my tea casually.

"I told you," he rumbled with a deadly tone, "no sudden attacks of any kind. I warned you that my instincts and strength--"

"You don't frighten me," I shot at him with arrogance.

He snarled viciously just as he pounced at me. I was disappointed in myself for flinching and dropping my tea all over me in the process. He was so close, crouched before me, trapping me in my seat with his arms on either side. His glare was ruthless, and his sharp canines glinted menacingly as he continued to growl in my face as my chair crunched and splintered in his deadly grip. My breathing came in short and quick, and I could feel my body tremble of its own accord, but I kept my expression as bored as possible. Then, very suddenly, I growled as well.

He roared so loud that it sent my hair billowing behind me. I clenched my fists and shut my eyes until the explosion was done and then I roared right back as loud as I could. I could feel my vocal cords strain in the process, but I kept at it until I knew for sure that I had roared longer, if not necessarily louder. He got angrier, and as he took another long breath to sound off again, I grabbed the hairs on his chin, and I closed the space between us, snatching his lower lip with my teeth. I felt him stiffen and root the spot. When I was sure he would not move, I let my lips rest on him to soothe my gentle bite with a proper kiss.

He stayed stock still, but when I let my tongue tease his mouth, he whimpered and collapsed to his knees before me. He dropped his head onto my lap and sobbed most despairingly. I raked my still trembling fingers through his mane until he calmed. My own body was not as quick to ease. I was still trembling head to foot from the rush of adrenaline when he finally lifted his head and looked me with pained, bloodshot eyes.

"Belle," he rasped. He searched my face with deep concern. "I... I'm..."

"I'm very tired all of a sudden," I whispered as I tried to squelch the tidal wave of emotions threatening to overcome me.

"I must explain myself," he pleaded, "I cannot leave things like this, please," he finished quietly.

I shook my head slowly. "I finished my dessert and my tea, I'm afraid." I failed to smile at my joke. I nodded gravely as I brought the focus back to our situation. "We can speak about this tomorrow. When we're both rested and clearheaded."

He brought a paw up to my face. Before he could touch my cheek, I cast my gaze away. He took it as a rejection and dropped his hand forlornly but then nodded as well. "As you wish," he murmured. He stood and backed away as he kept his gaze on the floor.

I must have gotten up too fast, or my nerves were still beyond my control because my legs gave out beneath me. Just before my knees hit the ground, I was caught and hoisted up. I was face to face with Searlus once more. Even after everything that had transpired, I felt safe his arms. I rested my head in the crook of his neck as he carried me up to my room. He paused before my bed, and I swore I felt his heart quicken beneath my hand which laid on his chest. He lowered me to the ground and was slow to break away from me.

"Until tomorrow?" He asked, his voice laced with doubt.

"Until then," I replied gently.

Had he requested to stay longer, I would have yielded. I itched to entreat him to spend the night or at least wait until I had fallen asleep. Who knows what else I would have had the courage to do that night. But he left. I don't think I slept at all the night.  
I was up at the crack of dawn, and I meticulously worked on my appearance. I found myself pacing and biting my nails and if I was seated, my legs danced of their own accord. I was a ball of anxiety. Different scenarios played out in my mind. I imagined Searlus becoming even more reclusive, or ignoring what transpired the night before, or worse… breaking off our courtship.

My depressing thoughts were soon interrupted by a note that flitted into my room from my bedroom window like a little bird. It landed in the palm of my hand, and I opened.

**_Belle,_ **

**_I hope this note finds you well. Please let me know when we might be able to speak privately. I shall remain in my quarters until then. I am anxious to see you._ **

**_Searlus_ **

He was anxious to see me. He wanted to meet in private as soon as possible. At least that's how I interpreted it. I must have read it a hundred times before I scrambled to write my response.

**_Searlus,_ **

**_I can meet whenever and wherever it pleases you. I await your reply._ **

**_Belle_ **

My note folded itself as soon as I was done and took off. I began to pace again and kept checking my reflection. I picked at the skin around my nails and gnawed at my lip. Another note fluttered to me. I snatched it out of the air and almost ripped it in my hurry to read its contents.

_**Follow me.** _

That's all it said. I turned the piece of paper this way and that to see if there was more, but that was all the note contained. As I pondered on the riddle, the little note started to twist on my hand as if demanding it be released. I opened my palm, and it launched into the air, folded itself into the shape of a falcon, and soared in the direction of the door. It circled as I hurried to place my contract in my pocket and my cape around my shoulders. With a deep breath and my heart already racing, I swung my door open and ran after the tiny falcon.

I could see my father up ahead. "Belle?" He squinted in my direction. "You're up early." He frowned as I rushed past him.

"Sorry, Papa! I've been summoned. Can't keep the King waiting!" I panted.

"Anne will have a fit if she sees you hurrying like that! You're not completely healed yet, you know?" He yelled.

I was indeed pushing myself too hard. I was starting to black spots in my vision when Anne shouted an obscenity my way from downstairs. "Oooh, I'd box your ears if I didn't think it'd kill you! Slow down this instant, young lady!"

I did not heed her words in the slightest. I smiled at her as I continued to rush along and lifted a hand to my ear. "Hark! I didn't know there were three sailors under this roof! Buh-bye!"

I heard her cuss some more and begin to give chase. It only spurred me faster. The quicker my steps, the faster the little note darted this way and that until I reached two large oak doors with intricate engravings of thorns and roses — the Kings Crest. I had reached the West Wing. A place forbidden to me by Searlus himself. The falcon flattened itself and slipped through. Slowly, I placed my palms on the doors. They groaned and creaked before they opened wide enough for me to pass. I stood in awe in the grand hallway as the doors closed behind me. To my left, some arches opened into a private courtyard I had never seen before. It was open to the sky which allowed for a vast array of birds to fly in and out. Some were making nests. A fountain was at its centre, and a little creek weaved its way around it. Many of the flowers that could be found in the large garden grew here as well but in smaller quantities. To my right, portraits of the royal family lined the walls. I scanned them long enough to know that Searlus was not in any of the paintings. At any other time, I would have scrutinized them all one by one, but I was all consumed with my purpose at hand. The little note dove by me and led me past several doors until we reached the end of the hall. Again, it unfolded itself to slip through the cracks afforded to it. I was breathless. Whether it was from fatigue or apprehension, I was not sure. I let my forehead rest on the smooth wood of the door and tried to take slow, deep breaths. No matter how many I took, my heart refused to calm. It felt like too much time had passed and I decided to enter. A slight touch of my fingertips to the handle and the door gave way. Standing casually at the far end of the room by a window, was Searlus.

Time slowed in my mind when he turned to face me, and I gave him what I thought was a quick once over. He was barefoot as usual and wearing short, casual breeches. Not very different from usual until I noticed the sleeves of his simple shirt were rolled up to his elbows, exposing his muscular forearms covered in short, dark fur. His shirt was buttonless, untucked, and he wore no cravat, which left some defined chest out in the open for my ogling eyes to feast on. His hair was damp and hung low over his broad shoulders. Since he was missing one horn, the left side of his face was nearly obscured by his wet mane. I wanted to whistle long and sharp but kept my composure.

I noticed him studying me as well before he sucked in his lower lip and cleared his throat. "Good morning," he croaked out. "Can I offer you something to drink? Or eat?" He asked hoarsely. "I'm not sure whether you've had breakfast yet." His eyes shifted with nervousness.

"Are you ill?" I asked with concern. "Your voice…" I motioned to my throat.

"Oh, erm, no, I just haven't-didn't," he clenched and unclenched his hands "… sleep."

I nodded silently. "Water," I said with a shrug.

He titled his head in confusion. "What?"

"I'll just take some water for now, if you have any available."

"Ah!" He exclaimed and patted at his abdomen as if searching for the water was on his person, "Yes, of course." He spotted his bar and strutted toward it.

As he busied himself with his task, I looked around the room. It was a beautiful parlour with two doors. The one behind me and one to my right. If it were anything like my quarters, the other door would lead to his bedroom. It was suddenly hot.

Searlus offered me my cup and motioned toward a sofa. "Please, sit." I went to where he pointed, and he took a wing chair that was much too far away. He must have noticed this as well, because he frowned, furrowed his brow, and stood up again. "You look flushed," he noted as he edged toward me and tried to decide where he should sit, "I should have come to you and not made you walk all this way."

"I'm all right," I assured him while I watched his amusing dilemma.

He seemed to give-up and sat on the coffee table in front of me. It groaned beneath him, and Searlus looked worried for a moment as if he were waiting for the thing to collapse. "Probably not the best idea," he muttered and stood up again.

I snorted with laughter and shot a hand to my mouth when he snapped his gaze at me. He shook his head and dragged a paw down his face then placed his hands on his waist. He sighed. "I'm going to be frank," he announced before biting his upper lip.

I nodded. "Very well."

He pursed his lips and nodded as well. "I'm nervous."

I wanted to laugh, but I knew it would not bode well. "I can see that," I said with a gentle smile. "I suppose I am too," I admitted.

"You speak first," he demanded and crossed his arms over his chest.

I scoffed and gauged his seriousness. The poor man looked like he had been up all night and had spurred himself into preparing for a worst-case scenario. "All right, fine." I stood up. "I want you to burn these."

He appeared to brace himself when I pulled out my contract and held it out to him. He recognized it immediately, and instead of taking it he backed away from me, horror-stricken until he collapsed into the wing chair he had sat on earlier. "So, you are leaving too then," he gasped as he continued to stare at the pages in my hand.

"What?" I asked confused. "Oh!" I realized he misunderstood me. "No, I only—"

He groaned with despair, hunched over, and buried his face in his hands. "I don't blame you," he agonized. "I've been horrid. My behaviour was unacceptable."

"It most certainly was," I scolded, "but—"

He stood up and wrapped his arms around his midsection. "I have no excuse. I let my jealousy get the best of me. I'm a fool to think-to hope…" he took in a shaky breath and turned away from me. "Just go," he whispered harshly.

I was speechless and just stood there with my mouth hanging open in shock. "Jealousy? Of who?"

He banged his horn into the wall. "It doesn't matter now," he muttered.

"Of my father? Oh my god, you've been acting like an ass because you've been jealous of my own father?!"

His silence was my confirmation.

I charged for him and whacked him with my contract. It didn't seem to bother him. "Oh, you, you-you-you," so many nasty names came to mind, but I held my tongue. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Childish." I finally said. "Men," I muttered with exasperation, but then a glimmer of hope broke through the clouds of annoyance.

I eyed my poor Searlus with suspicion and overcame my bitterness when I saw his shoulders shake and heard him sniff. My father's words came to mind. Searlus was a kind soul. A King taught to hide his true feelings in front of others but he never really had much practice since he rarely dealt with anyone face to face. I wondered if his jealousy stemmed from romantic love or simply because he imagined that I preferred my father's company over his. I tried to see things from his perspective. He'd never had a true friend, and even if he did, I was most certainly his longest friendship. I could not take that from him. I loved him too much to ruin things between us because of my selfish desires. I needed to be cautious. I had already done so much damage, no doubt, with my flirting and that kiss from the previous evening.

I pocketed the contract and placed my hands on his back. He flinched, but I continued to caress him. "I'm not leaving, my lo—uh, Liege!" Thank god he couldn't see the look of horror on my face at my near slip-up.

He let out a choked sob. "I'm not your King right now, Belle, I'm a foolish beast. You owe me nothing. Leave if you must."

I rolled my eyes at his drama but again tried to keep his perspective in mind. So many had scorned and abandoned him, but that also didn't mean I would excuse him. He needed to learn. "Searlus, I never had any intention of leaving. I didn't sleep either." I tried to think about how to broach the subject best. He was vulnerable and so innocent at that moment. Like a delicate flower, he needed tenderness and soft affection. "Let me embrace you," I dared. "Let me comfort you as I did last night."

I heard him gasp and hold his breath.

I slipped my arms around his waist and rested my cheek against his back. If I were male, he'd have felt something else pressed against him, but I digress. "Breathe deeply," I murmured. "Deep and steady."

He let out the breath he was holding and tried to heed my words as I dragged my hands up and urged him to break his grip on himself. He let go and allowed me to slide my hands higher until I reached his rapidly beating heart. He shuddered violently in my embrace, overcoming his melancholia. We stayed like that for some time, and it was heaven for me. I was filled with warm fuzzy feelings as I drank in his scent. My mind was foggy even when he slowly grabbed my hands in his and pulled them away so that he could face me. I had a silly, satisfied grin on my face, which fell immediately upon gazing into Searlus' sad eyes.

"You wish to be released from your contract and end our courtship?" He asked numbly. "But you still wish to stay?"

I knitted my brows together and opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off again.

He knelt before me. "I will grant it. Give it me, and I will burn it if you promise to forgive me and stay," he pleaded hoarsely.

I cupped his face in my hands. "Have you forgotten your purpose? Eh? You need an heir."

There was a strange look in his eyes. Like he was under some spell. Entranced somehow. Maybe it was delirium from not having slept or emotional exhaustion. I'd never seen him that way before. "The festival is four months away. Others will come. You can choose for me for all I care. As long as you promise never to leave me."

My heart splintered to pieces, and he noticed my displeasure.

"What? Did I say something wrong?" He dropped his head and snarled. "I can't do anything right!"

"Stop it," I commanded in a tone I had not used since I was employed as First Mate. "You will not berate yourself in front of me anymore!"

He snapped his head up. "Then tell me! Tell me what to do."

I took my hand out his grasp and collapsed on the couch. I held my head in my hands at a loss of what to say. "I already said I'm not leaving," I breathed with exasperation. "I won't leave. And I do not want to end our courtship."

He dropped down further, sat on his heels, and blinked at me with confusion. "But you want me… to burn your contract?"

I groaned with frustration. "Searlus," my plan to be cautious was failing, "If you decide that you wish to make me your wife, I will not tolerate sharing you with anyone else just as I would not expect you to tolerate sharing me. Not even in name only. Do you understand?"

He shook his head. "Um, I'm not—"

"I will not bear another's child for you. And I will not be your mistress while someone else here parades around as your wife."

  
It finally sunk in. "Oh."

"So, you see?" I pulled out the contract again and dropped it on the table in front of me. "I came to discuss new terms. If you're willing. But if you think we are at an impasse… then… then we should not continue this-this…" I waved my arms in an attempt to come up with the best answer but failed, "whatever this is." My heart plummeted into my gut at my own words, and I started to cry silently.

Searlus stood and sat next to me on the sofa. He reached out but hesitated to comfort me physically. "May I hold your hand?" He asked with uncertainty.

"You don't need my permission for that," I whispered.

He took my hand in his large ones. "Forgive me for jumping to conclusions. Help me understand. Give me your terms. I'm sure we can work it out." He rubbed his thumbs over my knuckles. "I don't want to be at an impasse. I've thought a lot about other options actually. The best option is the one aforementioned because the child will have a claim to the throne by blood since they will be the Queen's child. What are your thoughts?"

I took a steadying breath. "I haven't really put too much thought into the details, but might not one option be that you name your heir? The same way you choose a petitioner during the Courting Festival maybe? Or-or maybe discretely keep an ear out for babes who are not wanted or who suddenly become parentless? It happens all the time."

He gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "Yes. I've thought of this, and it would be tricky, but under the right circumstances, it could be orchestrated as such to make the babe appear like they are a legitimate heir."

"What?" I laughed. "As in, hide me away for nine months and pretend I gave birth?" I giggled.

He smiled but nodded. "Yes, exactly."

"Well, if you think it would cause less trouble, I suppose that's fine," I chuckled again.

He patted my hands reassuringly. "There. We've solved it. You need never worry about miscarrying again."

I shook my head to dispel my outrage. "What?" I snatched my hand away. "You think I've asked for this because I'm afraid of having another miscarriage?"

He was suddenly embarrassed. "Eh, erm, well? Isn't it?"

"Searlus, are you sure theirs no ape in you somewhere because the way you jump to conclusions is akin to a baboon swinging tree to tree!"

"Baboons don't really--" he sighed deeply. "I'm so tired." Then he facepalmed and began to laugh hysterically. He composed himself and slapped his paws on his thighs with new confidence. "I thought you wanted to dissolve the contract because of how I treated you last night. Your father sent me a letter this morning that he wished to leave, so naturally, I thought you were leaving too."

I blanched at the news and was at a loss for words.

"Then you correct me and say it's because of a specific grievance about not wanting to bear children, so again, naturally I thought it was because of your past loss, but yet again, I was wrong." He leaned back casually, crossed his ankles, splayed his arms on the backrest of the sofa and shrugged. "I may have jumped to conclusions, but they seemed like logical ones to me. The only illogical thing so far is that neither one of us has brought up that kiss or what transpired afterwards. But go on," he leaned his head back, closed his eyes, and gave me a royal wave for me to commence, "continue setting me straight." He chuckled, not noticing my change in mood.

I would have kicked him in the chins had I not been so depressed and hurt by Papa's betrayal. Caution was thrown to the wind. "I'm in love with you," I said dryly and simply.

Searlus' eyes burst open before he gave me a wide-eyed, sideways glance. He said nothing, so I continued.

"That's why I wanted to burn the contract because I wanted you to know that I could be a real and honest companion to you in every way. Not some whoever-off-the-street-bitch to churn out princes with whatever dog you so choose."

He hadn't moved a muscle or said a word and just continued to stare without blinking.

"And as for that kiss," I commented, "I was going to let you broach the subject because I have no idea how you feel about me. And rather than ruin our friendship and leave you to rot in this castle all alone over unrequited love, I would have tried to keep my feelings to myself for as long as possible. Maybe woo you over time." I shrugged. "Ah, well," I said with no emotion, "now it's all ruined."

He was a statue or paralyzed. I didn't care. I stalked out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. What Ails You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, I hope you love this chapter as much as I loved writing it. I have some art! I'll post some here and you can also follow my deviant art at: https://www.deviantart.com/mordelle or my IG account: @mordellestories
> 
> Tell me what you think!

**Previously on Searlus and the Sailor...**

 

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How I wanted him to chase after me in some dramatic fashion, grab my arm and whirl me around, and crush his lips to mine. How romantic it would have been, but I made it all the way back to my room. I stared at my bed and considered throwing myself on it and crying myself to sleep. Instead, I brought a pillow to my face and screamed until I thought I lost my voice entirely. My headache, which I had learned to deal with over the past week became too much to bear, and I barely made it to a chair in time.

"Well, now," my father said cautiously, "I haven't seen you throw a fit like that since your horrible teenage years." He entered my room further when he saw my anger had dissipated some.

I turned to face him with pure loathing in my eyes. "When," I croaked, "when were you going to tell me you were leaving? Or did you plan on just disappearing without saying goodbye?"

He widened his eyes with realization, then grimaced. "I was going to tell you this morning. I didn't think you'd hear it from the King first. I'm sorry about that."

I scoffed and sidestepped him so I could storm out again. "Never mind," I grumbled.

Unlike Searlus, Papa tried to keep up, "Let me explain, will you? Belle! Don't run from your father!"

I trotted down the stairs and found Anne with her fists on her hips and tapping her foot. Her look was the only thing that froze me for a moment. "You march upstairs right now so I can I see what havoc you've wreaked on yourself! Galloping around the castle like you don't have a four-inch gash in your head! Do I have to tie you down?"

I stood there, eyeing her suspiciously and finally decided that her bark was worse than her bite. I hopped on the railing and slid past her, landing lightly on my feet.

"You insolent mule!" She shouted after me.

The castle doors opened before I even got close but didn't close behind me. I searched my surroundings for something to do. My hands itched to punch something or do some manual labour of some kind.

My father finally caught up, wheezing and coughing. "What…" he panted, "what the hell… is wrong with you, eh?" He heaved and coughed.

I spotted a small wood mill at the edge of the forest. I had explored it only once before, and the idea of chopping wood consumed me. I stalked in that direction. Once the mill was in full view, I saw a stump with an axe ready for my willing hands. I threw down my cape and vest, rolled up my sleeves and snatched the axe up from its resting place. A pile of wood that I had not noticed before was now at my disposal. I picked up my first log and set it on the stump. I lifted my axe and brought it down with a shout and all the force I was capable of. The log did not split, but I had made good progress. I was never able to split wood in one blow, but at one point I had gotten it down to two strokes. I tried again. Still, it did not break. I growled at my weakness and brought the axe down again. Finally, it split in two. I laughed with victory. I kept up my exercise, despite my growing migraine and my father finally reached me again. He was fanning himself with a letter.

"You're not really mad at me, are you?" He accused. "What's the meaning of this?" He shook the letter in his hand then put on his spectacles to read it. "You may leave whenever you wish, and if your daughter decides to go with you, so be it. I wish you both nothing but good fortune and health." He looked up from the letter expectantly, but I kept chopping. "What happened this morning?" He demanded.

"I guess he wants me to leave," I panted before swinging my weapon down again.

Papa frowned and wagged a finger at me. "That's not what this says. Your angry about something that happened this morning. Tell me."

Before I could answer, a little note flapped its pape wings at my ear. I held my axe with one hand and snatched the letter with the other. It unfolded itself, and I read it silently.

 _**Belle,** _  
_**Did you really mean what you said? If so, have you considered that you've mistaken love for tender affections spurred by our friendship? Maybe admiration, even? Please reply. In any case, I have given your father permission to leave. I hope you stay but if your vexation with me is too great, then I understand. Just please let us have a proper goodbye.** _

_**Your Friend,** _  
_**Searlus** _

"Coward of the highest order," I grumbled and tossed the paper over my shoulder to continue my work. "I'm angry," I addressed my father, "because you've been here about two weeks and already want to leave me, and you didn't say a word! You went behind my back! And the other one," I ground out and pointed my axe at the castle, "is a thickheaded dunderhead!" With another yell, I swung my axe down and spilt my next log with the second blow. "HA! I still got it!"

  
"You don't mean that," my father grated. "Have you told him how you feel?"

I froze with my axe above my shoulder. I wavered there for a moment as I replayed the moment I told Searlus that I loved him. His stupid face was staring back and me without a word. I dropped the axe to my side and sat on the stump.

My father sighed. "Did he reject you?"

"Why do you wish to leave?" I asked, ignoring his question.

He shrugged and dropped his hands to his sides. "I'm in the way here, Belle. If you wish to have a budding romance, your father can't hover around you."

I rolled my eyes. "Have you seen the castle? It's huge. Plenty of space for a budding romance that will never happen anyway."

He shook his head and gave me a sad smile. "He keeps his distance because I'm here."

"Yes," I acknowledge, annoyed, "he told me he was jealous. Stupid male."

"Ha!" He pointed a finger at me. "I knew it! You need privacy. He's been a recluse most of his life, doesn't matter how big the castle is, our presence disturbs him. He's had you to himself for more than half a year, and now he feels ostracized. Anne agrees you know?"

I kicked at some splintered wood forlornly as another note flitted in front of my face. I opened it and read it.

 **_Belle,_ **  
**_I would still agree to your new terms. No conditions or questions, but I think there is a lot to discuss. Will you meet with me again? Whenever you like. I'll be in my quarters. Same place. Unless you wish to meet elsewhere?_ **  
**_Searlus_ **

I shook my head, crumpled up the note, and let it drop to the ground. I watched my father pick up both letters and read them.

"My dearest child," Papa said gently as finished reading their contents, "it would put an end to both your sufferings if you went to him and told him how you truly felt."

"I did tell him. He refused to say a word. So I fled to save the crumbs of what is left of my dignity. Now he's sending me little messages because he's still afraid I'll leave. Maybe I should," I mumbled forlornly.

"Absolutely not," Papa said sternly.

"Then stay," I begged, "he will have to learn to live with others! How can I face him now without you?"

He waved me away. "Off that stump, this old man needs to sit." I moved to the floor, and he sat in my previous place. He patted my shoulder, and I rested my head on his leg. "I'll stay a while longer. A couple more weeks, maybe, but I'm in love with Anne."

I gasped and looked up at him. "Truly?"

He nodded somberly. "She can't live at the castle. She has her own life outside of here. Her own family. She has been a widow for some years now. There's a chance for us but only outside of these walls. I can't stand the thought of making more memories with her or with you to only forget them all when I walk out those gates. Best I cut my losses now." He said, quite depressed.

I stayed silent for some time. Even with everything my father said, my mind continued to betray me with thoughts of Searlus. I just kept envisioning him on that couch, splayed wide in his casual and handsome - yes, handsome -simple attire. I should have straddled him and forced out a reaction with a deep and penetrating kiss.

"Belle?" My father inquired. "Nothing to say?" He caressed my head gently.

I looked up at him again and gave him a guilty smile. "Sorry, I was…"

"Thinking of him?" He finished with a chuckle. "I gathered."

"Ugh, I'm so selfish," I berated myself.

"Ah, who isn't? I'm leaving my daughter to chase after love! Am I not selfish?" He laughed good-heartedly.

I nodded. "Papa, please stay a bit longer. A week more is all ask. I don't think I can figure out what to do without you."

He stood up and offered me his hand. I did most of the work to get up. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and put an arm around my shoulder. "I'll stay, but I think you know exactly what to do."

I groaned and looked to the sky. "I don't think things will work out. I feel exhausted! It wasn't this hard with Gerard."

"HA!" he barked out an incredulous laugh as we walked back to the castle. "Gerard, may he rest in peace, was a common dog, Belle. As clever as a rock with as much depth as a puddle after a light rain."

I whipped my head around and looked at him with astonishment. "You liked Gerard! He was your First Mate!"

"Not at first and not even when you two got married. He grew on me, it's true, but I never thought he deserved you. And I only named him First Mate out of necessity and because I knew you would pull the strings. Were you not married to him, I would have named you."

I couldn't believe my ears. "Goodness!" Was I could say to that. "And you think Searlus deserves me?"

Papa chuckled and raised his eyebrows in surprise. "No one will ever be good enough for you in my eyes, but… Searlus has come in the closest. Not only because he is a King - don't think that hasn't weighed in on my opinion. But," he shook me gently, "I can tell he loves you as you've always deserved. Even if he does not know how to show it yet."

I almost cried. "Don't give me hope like that, Papa."

"Oh, Belle, trust your father," he reassured me, "give it some time. He needs lessons! Don your sailor's hat and take the lead until he knows how to treat you in return. Work him like those virgin barmaids you were so fond of!"

We laughed loudly at that, and when my father composed himself enough to continue, another note zipped by and circled us until I took it. "For fuck's sake," I breathed.

_**Am I to assume you are so angry with me that you won't even write back to tell me so? Will I at least see you for dinner?** _

I gave the note to my father, who shook his head with criticism. "Maybe Anne and I should skip dinner so two can sort things out."

"No, if he truly wishes to speak on the matter, he will come to see me in person. He needs time to process what I said anyway. He's too emotional right now, obviously. Then I will tell him that this barrage of notes, locking himself in his room when things get difficult, or when I have guests is unacceptable behaviour. Along with roaring in my face when he thinks he needs to teach me a lesson. And if he really does love me, he needs to get along with the people I love."

"He roared in your face?!" My father cried out with outrage. "Oh, no! I shall have a word with him about that myself!" He puffed out his chest and shook his fist. "No one roars at my daughter! Without answering for it! Not even a King!"

"Don't worry, Papa, I belted right back, bit him for good measure, and kissed him into submission," I announced proudly.

My father did a double take. I winked and told him exactly what had transpired between Searlus and I that morning and the previous evening. He seemed doubly convinced that Searlus was head over heels in love with me at a loss of what to do. I dared not overthink on the theory.

I rested after Anne gave me the lecture of a century and dinner time came upon us faster than I was ready. Searlus never sent another note, and I had never replied so I didn't know what to expect. The clock struck seven, and the three of us stood at our seats, waiting for His Majesty to arrive. We waited and waited, but nothing. I sat down. Papa and Anne followed my lead and began to eat. I played with my food because I wasn't very hungry even though I'd barely eaten all day. My head, arms and back were sore from my arduous task of chopping wood that morning. I squirmed in my chair uncomfortably, and I was about to excuse myself from dinner when Searlus barreled through the doors in a frenzy. He stood there in shock and stared at the three of us as if we were ghosts. We looked at him from head to foot in complete surprise. He hadn't changed out of the outfit I saw him in that morning. He wasn't hiding under his hood for the first time in front of his guests, and his mane was unruly and puffed out like it had dried in extreme humidity. He looked haggard and even more tired than I had left him that morning. Never in the amount of time I'd been in the castle had he ever appeared so homely and exposed at dinner.

"You're here," he said aloud while eyeing me. His voice broke the spell over us, and Anne and Papa scrambled to stand to show their respect. I made no such attempt. Searlus strutted to his seat and motioned for his subjects to not bother standing. "As you were, as you were. Forgive my tardiness."

He sat stiffly, placed his hands on the table, and drummed his claws as he surveyed the food. He nodded and gnawed on his lower lip and sent an erratic glance our way. He never served himself, and I busied myself drinking wine out of my empty goblet. I refused to meet his eyes.

"How is everyone this morning, I mean this evening?" He asked.

He was never one to prompt conversation, so Anne and Papa were taken off guard. "Good." "Fine, just fine." They replied over each other. I said nothing.

Searlus nodded and pursed his lips. "I thought you were leaving." He stated as I continued to feel his gaze upon me.

My father cleared his throat. "My daughter has requested I stay a week more, if that's all right, Sire?"

I could hear him taping his claws again. "Yes, of course, Maurice, you may stay as long as you like." Not only had he used my father's name for the first time, his voice, though still hoarse, had an on odd lilt to it. He was so unlike himself that I wondered if he'd partaken in a narcotic. "As long as Belle remains a guest here, of course."

"A guest?" I finally spoke. I laughed mirthlessly. "And here I thought this was already my home. My mistake."

"It is!" He boomed emphatically then remembered himself. "I meant," he explained with more poise, "as long as you live here." He cleared his throat. "Of course, you may consider this castle your home."

"Thank you, Your Highness," I drawled out spitefully.

He sucked air through his teeth then turned his attention to Anne. "How are you, Anne?" He asked, politely.

Anne raised her eyebrows and looked at all of us at least once before turning to Searlus. "I'm well, Your Majesty. And yourself?"

"Than you for asking, Anne," he replied pointedly. "I've been better," he admitted with a shrug. He nodded his head and smirked, looking quite crazed. "In fact, I think I'm having the worst year of my life so far. I'm not sleeping well if at all, I barely eat, it's a wonder I can still run this kingdom!" He finished enthusiastically with a weird smile.

Papa kicked me under the table.

"Oh," Anne replied, "I'm sorry to hear that, Sire. Is there anything I can do?"

"Hmm," he looked at me then back to Anne, "maybe a sedative? Preferably one that could knock an Elephant over for a few days or months." He nodded and closed his eyes in bliss. "That would be glorious."

An awkward silence commenced that didn't seem to bother Searlus' imaginings. Papa spoke next. "Might we inquire as to what ails you, Sire?"

It was my turn to kick him under the table.

Searlus' eyes fluttered open and set them on my father. "How kind of you, Maurice." He smiled. "You may, in fact, _inquire_." He jutted a clawed finger at me without looking. "That _impudent_ female, sitting so coldly right there, is what ails me."

I thought Papa was going to commit regicide. Anne must have felt something similar because she dabbed at her lips with her napkin and quietly pushed her plate away. She seemed ready to fetch her medical bag for the oncoming slaughter of her new lover.

Papa merely chuckled. "She drives everyone mad, Your Highness, especially those who've fallen in love with her."

My jaw dropped, and Anne gasped. We all looked from my father to the King like we were waiting for one of them to combust into flames spontaneously. Searlus gave me a fleeting glance and then stood up. Before we could stand, the King held up a paw. "You may stay seated. Except you," he growled and pointed at me again. "Come with me."

"Is that an order?" I asked with faux innocence.

He glared at me. "Yes."

"And if I refuse?" I challenged.

"Then I shall lock you in my tower for your insolence," he mocked.

"Ha! You and what army—"

"Seize her," he commanded with a wicked grin. Instantly, my chair's armrests wrapped around my wrists and I felt bindings at my ankles as well.

I cried out in surprise when the chair backed away from the table. "You brute!"

"Excuse our rude departure." Searlus bowed to his shocked subjects as the chair walked past him through the doors he had entered from. "Have a lovely evening!" I heard him say merrily while the chair began to canter toward the West Wing.

I held on tight though I didn't need to, the chair had locked me to my seat so well that my head was in no danger of further injury. I chanced a look over my shoulder to find Searlus stalking me with purpose. He didn't have to be on all fours to look absolutely predatory. His eyes glinted in the dark hall, and his mane billowed behind him. I thought we'd head for the stairs and grimaced at the thought of what that would be like being strapped to the chair, but the prancing thing turned left and was about to crash into a wall when the stones shifted, and a secret door opened. A cool breeze caressed my face, and I was met with a spiral staircase. The chair did not slow its gait.

"Oh no," I whimpered and braced myself for a terrible experience.

The chair ascended smoothly, but the speed at which we climbed in circles made me dizzy. I shut my eyes and kept my breathing even while I imagined looking at the horizon on the sea. We finally reach even ground, the chair scuttled into a room, and the door slammed behind us. When I reached the centre, torches lit the space, and my seat turned me around to face Searlus who was standing behind a gate locking me in.

"You're actually locking me up in a tower?!" I yelled with outrage.

"Aye!" He barked at me. "Now, you can't storm off, and if you want to leave, you must answer all my questions." He tossed the keys at my feet. "When I think you've answered sufficiently, you will be released from your bindings, and you can leave of our own accord.

I thought that was as strange stipulation, he could just unlock the door himself, but I didn't comment on it and just glared at him instead.

"Now," he let out a large breath of air and rested his head on the bars as he looked at me, "did you mean everything you said this morning?"

"Well, now I'm not so sure seeing you've abducted me and locked me away like some villain!" I spat with vehemence.

"Please answer," he pleaded with such sorrow that my anger dissipated.

I shifted uncomfortably and focused on his hands. "Yes. Yes, Searlus, I meant every word," I replied quietly.

He let out a grief-stricken groan and pawed at his face. "What do I do?" He muttered. He began to pace and looked to the ceiling. "Stars above, what do I do?" He looked horrified.

I felt rejected. I tried not to sob with grief. I frowned and steeled my nerves. I thought about his dilemma, which was more awful than mine. He feared to lose me but could not love me, therefore everything was ruined. As I suspected. "It's all right, Searlus."

"This is a disaster," he whispered.

"No, it's not," I tried to comfort him even though I wished to die right then and there. "If you don't feel the same, nothing has to change."

"Everything has changed!" He blared then turned to me. "Belle, you are confused, you must be. You have tender feelings for me because we've become good friends and-and-because there's no one else around! Yes, that must be it. But-but you don't- you can't," he laughed mirthlessly, "you don't desire me. Not in that way. Impossible. I am correct, yes?"

I shook my head slowly in denial.

  
"No. No?" He appeared to be losing his mind. He tugged at his mane, paced around again, then rushed back to the gate. "You're certain? Are you sure? How long? How long have you-you… felt this way about me?"

My misery was all-consuming, but I hung my head in defeat. "It just happened gradually, I'm not sure. Maybe a month. More? The night we touched for the first time, I think."

He slid to his knees and stared at me with his mouth open. "It's all making sense now," he rasped.

"So glad you're finding clarity," I deadpanned.

He brought a fist to his mouth, then dropped it. "What do we do?"

I scoffed. "Hell, should I know." He continued to stare me like I was some oracle with all the answers, so I made a suggestion. "I suppose we can start with how you feel. It seems you find the idea of loving me repulsive, but—"

" _Ooh_ , you are mad, truly," he interrupted me and eyed me like I was a lunatic. "You tell me you're in love with me, a beast, a thing of horror, and you say _I'm_ the one who finds the idea of loving _you_ repulsive? Daft woman, I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you."

I swore my heart stopped dead in my chest. "Really?" I asked with hope and unshed tears.

"How could I not? Your beauty alone could start wars, Belle." He shook his head. "Surely, you know that." He scoffed then. "But Amelia and others had their share of beauty as well and were hideous monsters within. I waited. Courted you to see if you had the temperament not only to be Queen but to be a companion. To rule by my side."

I nodded in understanding. "Did you love her? Or any of the others?" My jealousy started to rise before he even answered.

"I thought I loved Amelia, but she despised me. I was in love with the notion of her until we met. I've never hoped to be loved, Belle, but I did hope to rule and raise a child with a friend. Amelia nor anyone else could not even offer me that."

I tried to think of something romantic and encouraging to say. "Well, fuck her and everyone else!" I cried out instead with a smile. "What am I still doing in this chair? I can offer you that and more! Let me out so that I can embrace you now!" I wiggled in my seat, but it would not give.

"Wait," he gruffed, "wait." He banged his horn on the gate. "There's so much you don't know. I've tried to tell you, but you never understand," he said sadly.

"What, tell me now, I'm listening."

He stood up and backed away into the shadows.

The chair released me, I breathed with relief and joy as I bent over and reached for the keys. I ran to the gate and suddenly realized the lock was on my side of the door. It was such a jarring thing that I took in my surroundings once more and was confused to find that I was not locked in a cell. Searlus was. I furrowed my brow and looked at him, leaning against the dark corner. My eyes caught scratches on the stones surrounding him. Upon further inspection, I noticed a bed on the floor, a singular wing chair, some books and candles.

"Is this your room?" I asked with concern.

He shook his head. "No, but I have spent many days and nights here over the years." He sighed. "Even more frequently since your arrival."

I pursed my lips in anger and shoved the key in the lock.

"Wait, Belle," he begged, "you said you'd listen."

I stayed my hand and looked at him expectantly, but my anger was already boiling. "Go on."

"When I was young, I started becoming overwhelmed by my emotions. I began to desire things I had not dared to entertain, as most growing boys do," he said nervously.

"And girls," I corrected. "That's normal."

"Yes, of course," he admitted, "I loathe to admit this to you, but I nearly attacked a servant girl in a fit of rage. I was angry with some words I had overheard her say and I also… felt… God, I don't know how to say this."

"Just say it," I demanded.

He crossed his arms over himself. "She ran from me, my instincts drove me to chase her. I cornered her, and I could smell her fear and… her. I was overcome with desire and rage at the same time. I was dangerous - am dangerous. Nothing came of it, thank goodness, but it was enough to scare my parents. Enough for them to dismiss almost everyone and make this place for me," he motioned to his surroundings, "whenever I felt like I could lose control."

He waited for me to react. I gave him a curt nod to signify that I was still listening, but I was fit to murder. That his own parents would lock him in a cage like a rabid animal made my blood boil with violence.

"Do you understand now?" He asked, somberly. "I desire you," he whispered, "so much that sometimes I think I'll go mad. So, I come here. To keep my distance and keep you safe because I've never felt this way for anyone before. Not like this. I don't know what I'm capable of. I tried to show you - tell you time and time again. I tried to bring it home last night when I… when I… yelled. I'm sorry I did it, but I felt like I had to scare you away."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Well, you failed. Can I let you out of this dismal and unnecessary prison now?"

He began to pace again. "What do you expect from me? From us? How would this work? Hm? What exactly do you want?"

"I told you already." I gave him a gentle smile. "I want to be your companion in every way. In every romantic way."

He walked toward me, eyes dark with a mixture of desire and sadness. "I nearly killed you by accident. Not even meaning to touch you in any way. What if I squeeze too hard while we embrace? What if I reach out and scar you again in a passionate moment? Or…" he gulped hard, "crush or break you should we…"

I unlocked the gate and opened it. "We can take things slow," I reassured him as I took his hand and lead him out of his cell. "I'm not some brittle thing that will just shatter. You are strong, but you're capable of a gentle touch. We just," I tugged on his shirt to bring him closer to me, "need to explore each other." I wrapped my arms around his waist and nuzzled his chest with my nose. "Go on. Embrace me."

He did.

I squeezed him and pressed myself closer. "Now, squeeze gently, and I will say when it is too much." He started off with such a light pressure I laughed. "More and keep going. I'll tell you what strength I enjoy the most." He kept squeezing until I felt a slight discomfort. "Okay, now let up a little." He released some. "There. I like that. This is perfect."

I could hear his familiar purr begin to rumble in his chest. "Are you sure it's not too much?"

"I said it's perfect. How about me? Is this all right for you?"

"Perfect," he replied with content.

I looked up at him, and he seemed dazed. "Take us away from here. I refuse to kiss you in this dreary place.

He widened his eyes briefly. "This way," he murmured and led us out a different way. We descended some stairs, and he opened a door into a study. "This is my lab," he said with pride.

I gave the room a cursory glance and nodded. "At any other time, this would hold my interest, but not now." I shoved him toward the next door. "Where's your bedroom?"

Abruptly, Searlus dug his heels on the ground, making me bounce off his back and onto the floor.

"Oof!" My backside stung from the landing. "Ouch." I rubbed at it and then my whole body began to complain, reminding me how I had overexerted myself.

"Are you all right? Sorry, I just, well, you surprised me," Searlus said nervously while he lifted me off the ground easily. "I mean, you said we'd take things slow."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," I grumbled. "Yes, slow, of course." I cursed myself internally. "Just curious is all, and I'd like us to feel comfortable. How about your private parlour instead?"

He thought about that for a moment and seemed awkward. I could almost hear his thoughts saying the parlour was too close to the bedroom. "My courtyard is charming. It's not too cold, and the moon should be bright enough."

I knew it, I thought disappointed. "Ah, yes. Nothing more romantic than kissing under the stars," I smiled mischievously at his embarrassed expression. I prodded him to the exit once more. "Come, come, now. Show me the charming, moonlit courtyard." I was jittery with excitement. I was eager to lay my claim on him and teach him some those lessons my father mentioned, and I certainly didn't want any other drama interrupting us.

He grunted but turned and led us down the hall. Searlus was right, the courtyard was lovely even at night. The moonlight shimmered in the water that trickled from the fountain to the creek. I almost ran to the stone bench near the centre, plopped down on my bruised bum, and look at Searlus with a wide toothy grin.

He stood there with a raised brow, hands on his hips, utterly bemused. "Should I light the torches?"

"Get over here," I demanded with a warning.

Searlus shook his head in bewilderment but finally dropped his arms to his sides and sauntered over to the bench. He sat stiffly as far as possible with his claws digging into his breeches. "You seem eager," he said without looking at me.

I scooted over until our legs touched and placed my hand over his tense paw. "Aren't you?" I asked softly as I caressed his knuckles with my thumb.

He nodded tersely. "Though I fear disappointing you."

"Psh! Nonsense. Silly man," I murmured. I let my hand trail over his forearm, and I could feel his soft fur rise. My mind kept screaming at me to be chaste and gentle, but my body just wanted to get on with it and claim him. His muscles seemed to tense even more. I scowled at his increasing discomfort. I decided to change tactics.

I groaned a bit and moved my hand to my shoulder to rub some of my soreness away and winced. "Sorry, my muscles are so sore from this morning."

He turned to me with concern. "Sore? Did you injure yourself?"

I laughed. "I was chopping wood. It's been quite some time since I've done anything so arduous."

"Why would you do that? You're still healing," he scolded.

I gave him a playful look. "I was frustrated after our talk earlier," I shrugged as his face fell. "I just needed to vent a little." The I sighed dramatically, "I'm afraid Anne was right, I overdid it."

"Is there anything I can do," he asked worriedly.

I smiled coyly. "Yes, in fact." I turned away from him and straddled the bench. "Will you rub my shoulders a little? It will ease the terrible pain I suddenly feel." I bit my cheek to keep from laughing at ludicrous flirting.

"Um, maybe I should send for Anne," he offered instead.

I rolled my eyes. "I'd rather you do it. You can see this as a practice to mind your strength with me." There was a moment of silence before I felt his hands rest on my shoulders and heard him adjust in his seat. I was about to guide him on what to do when he took the initiative and began circling his thumbs over my muscles. "Harder, please." He pressed harder. "Oh, yes, that's wonderful." It really was, and I couldn't help a moan from the mixture of pleasure and pain. He paused at the sound I made, and I would have paid my weight in gold to see his face at that moment. "Please continue," I asked with a breathy sigh.

I was surprised when he worked through the massage, that he hit every muscle perfectly though I had to keep reminding him to use more pressure or lighten his touch depending on the area. I moaned again when he reached my lower back. His large hands were wrapped against my waist as he rubbed his thumbs along my spine. "Good lord," I said with awe, "you're surprisingly skilled at this. How do you know which spots to get so perfectly."

"I'm versed in many sciences, including anatomy." I could hear the pride in his voice. "I'm glad the knowledge has become so useful," he purred.

My mind immediately went to filthy places as I wondered how else he'd be able to use those expert, scientific hands. I kept my thoughts to myself.

His voice seemed relaxed, so I dared to remove his hands from my waist and wrapped his arms around me as I scooted back and leaned into him. He was straddling the bench as well so his legs were open enough for me to move even further into him and hopefully feel what I would soon be up against, but as I did, he scooted back and leaned forward to rest his head on my shoulder.

He brought his lips close to my ear. "I know what you're up to, minx," he murmured.

I giggled. "I don't know what you speak of," I replied innocently.

He scoffed lightly in my ear, which sent tingles down my neck. "It's a good thing I denied you my bedroom," he muttered.

"Oh?" I turned my face to his. "You think staying out of the bedroom will keep you safe from me?" I lifted my hand to cup his face and bring him closer. I brought my lips close to his pointed ear. "This bench would suit me as would any surface, so long as I have access to what's in your trousers." I heard him gasp. "You'll have to look into a chastity belt and swallow the key if you really wish to keep me at bay."

He let out a breathy laugh and pressed his lips into my hand. "You'll be the death of me," he said before he placed a light kiss into my palm.

I shivered with delight and angled his face to mine. We searched each other's eyes, and then he glanced at my lips. I could see him wondering if he should kiss me. I wet my lips with my tongue, hoping he'd understand the meaning. He did. He came in slow and lightly touched his lips to mine. He retreated only far enough to gauge my reaction. I smiled and turned to face him by placing my knees on the stone bench to reach his face quickly. I cupped his face with one hand and softly ran my thumb across his lips.

He closed his eyes and panted softly. "Am I going to wake up and find this was all a dream?" He whispered and furrowed his brow with sadness.

I placed my other hand behind his neck and pulled him to me as I moved in at the same time. I answered him by crushing my lips to his. I used my hands to press him deeper. I tried to kiss him with open lips but he had his mouth welded shut, it seemed. I nibbled on his bottom lip, and he moaned, which gave me my opening. I took his lips eagerly and sensually. His breath came in short through his nose, and then I felt his hands at my waist. He broke away to breathe, but I did not stop my onslaught. I kissed his cheeks and the corners of his mouth while he tried to control his breath. I felt his dull claws dig into my waist and with his eyes still closed, he kissed me back. It was much more passionate than I anticipated and was definitely not chaste. My body responded to his when he pulled me flush against his chest. I could feel his heart thumping and vibrating against my breast. His purr turned into a growl at the same time his grip became too much. I winced and broke our kiss with a hiss.

Searlus looked startled and confused with his furrowed brow and dilating pupils, then he realized I was gently pushing his hands away. He let go immediately. "Oh, no, I've hurt you."

"It's fine, I'm fine," I said quickly and softly as I went to continue our passionate moment.

He pulled away and stood, but I was quick to rise as well. Standing on the bench, I was as tall as him, so I snatched him by his mane and pulled him back to me. He kept his arms and hands away from me but let me catch his lips once more. He was slow to respond, and when I teased his lips with my tongue, he turned his face from me with a pleading moan. "Stop-stop," he panted, "I feel-I feel..."

He looked like he was having the beginnings of a panicking fit. "It's all right," I comforted. "Slow. Yes? We can be slow like I said. Just sit and let us gaze at the moon together. Here," I said as I took his hand, "well, just sit." I sat back down on the bench, and he followed. I laughed and brought his hand to my lips. I gave him sweet kisses there and smiled widely. "I got carried away. I've been waiting so long for this. Forgive me."

He shook his head in a puzzled fashion and gave me a guilty smile. "I would not be in my right mind if I forgave you for that. I should instead be grateful," he laughed softly.

I shook my head and gave him a pointed look. "I don't want your gratitude, I want your love."

He swallowed hard, took my hands in his, and looked deeply into my eyes. "You will always have that."

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**AN: So, what do you think?! I love Searlus so much lol. I swear they're writing themselves at this point. I have no control over these two anymore. Anyway, I'll go back into the last chapter and leave some scene art there too. Here is a character design concept for both Searlus and Belle. Ya get to see their junk before they do lol. They're still naked because if you'll notice... I SUCK at drawing clothes.**

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	11. The Council

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile! Ya'll still with me? Sorry for the delay. I wanted to finish my other fic before continuing this one. It's done now, so I'll be updating more frequently here. I think I know exactly where I'm going with this story now and I hope you enjoy it.

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I could not sleep that night. How could I, after such an emotional day and a romantic evening such as the one Searlus and I shared? We stayed up almost all night, and I could not keep my hands off him. We kissed for so long that my lips grew sore and swollen. It was agony to maintain control over myself. I don't know how this happened! Well, I suppose I do, but I feel like over a day my world has been turned on its head! The only reason I left him at all in the wee hours of the morning was that Searlus was delirious with exhaustion. The poor man didn't say a word about it, but the longer the hours grew, the more he had trouble making anything he said coherent. I gave him at least four more embraces at the door and bid him good night. I thought for sure he'd ask me to stay with him in his room with the way he kept refusing to let go of me, but alas he did not. The sun had not yet risen, and I was filled with so much happiness that I could not steer myself back to my quarters.

Instead, I ventured out of the castle and straight for the arboretum. I weaved my way through the garden until I found the roses. This part of the garden was always colder than the other sections, and I desperately needed the chilly fresh air to clear my head. Despite their enchantments, the roses were not as full as they had been a few months before. Still, the aroma wafted through my nostrils, and I finally began to calm. Before I knew it, I was opening my eyes to a dark blue sky, the sun already rising. My body was heavy and awkward to lift off the bench I had accidentally fallen asleep on. Just as I was about to give up and curl on the seat once more, I heard some rustling nearby. I grew hopeful that it might be Searlus, but quickly found how wrong I was. A stag was staring directly at me not far from where I sat. His eyes and nostrils were wide with fear, and we both flinched when the sound of howl echoed too close for comfort.

"Shite," I breathed. We looked at each other once more before we both bolted in opposite directions, the stag toward the forest, and I toward the castle.

When I heard the pounding of paws to the earth, I didn't look back. The doors to castle flew open, and I skidded inside just in time to lock eyes with three hungry wolves before the castle doors slammed shut. I panted with relief and cradled my head in hands. Medicine was in order. I managed to tread to my rooms and draw myself a bath. I thought I was wide awake, but once more, I opened my eyes, and the room was lit with natural light from the sun pouring through the windows.

Anne's head popped into view over me, inches from my face. "Are you mad, child?" She grated in a high-pitched voice. "Sleeping in a bath up to your neck in the water while still nursing a head injury?"

I smiled wide. "Nothing and I mean nothing, can dampen my mood today, Anne. Not your constant scolding, nor almost becoming a breakfast meal for wolves. For Searlus has declared his love for me!" I squealed with joy and kicked my feet, making water splash in heaps out of the tub.

Anne's jaw dropped. "That's some news-- wait. Breakfast for wolves?" She asked quizzically.

I ignored the comment as not to worry her or anyone else about what may or may not have happened had I stayed asleep outdoors. I waved her over to help me stand and exit my bath. "We kissed! Can you believe it?" I asked, elated once more.

Anne forced a smile and nodded. "I suppose you love him as well then?"

Her lack of happiness for my news made my smile fall just a bit. "Well, didn't you know? My father knew before I truly realized it myself!"

She nodded and smirked weakly. "Yes, your father made his theory known but," she looked at me with slight discomfort, "you sincerely love him then? _All_ of him?"

I snatched my towel from her hands and jutted my chin in the air with arrogance. "Yes. _All_ of him." I stormed into my bedchamber walked to the excited wardrobe doing some kind of victory dance. She opened her doors for me and showed me nothing but gowns. "Absolutely, not." The wardrobe snapped its doors shut and groaned. When she opened again, she had simple dresses lined up with the hems falling just below the knee. "Hmm, what a strange style," I pulled out a lovely blue one that would compliment my eyes splendidly. "All right, fine. This one." I caught Anne cautiously making her way to me with an uncertain look in her eyes. I ignored her.

"Belle, dear, I don't mean to sour your mood. Honestly, this is lovely news. The Queen Mother is surely smiling down on and her son. It's just," she began to fidget and bite her lip, "there's much you don't know about him and his past."

"You mean the servant girl he attacked in his youth?" I bit out pompously.

She widened her eyes. "So, he told you."

"Yes, and he told me nothing came of it. He just scared her, that's all," I finished with a hint of uncertainty. "Right?"

Anne sighed and nodded slowly. "Nothing came of it, that is true. However, no one knows if..." she took a deep breath and looked me straight in the eyes, "if things would have turned ugly or not because the Prince was stopped. One of his cousins, Prince Armand, shot him with an arrow. I didn't see it myself, but Armand's account of it was enough to change everything around here."

I was shocked into silence for a long moment. "I've always heard that the extended Royal family were not to be trusted. Maybe he exaggerated his tale."

Anne nodded quickly. "Yes, yes, also true. Armand, especially, cannot be trusted. Everyone loves him, but the servants always talk. He was greedy then and surely even worse off now. But that's to be expected from a man who thinks he can claim the throne, should His Majesty not produce an heir. Still," she approached me and placed her hands on my shoulder, "make sure you know both the man and the beast entirely before you accept the burden of being his wife and Queen. I would say this to any young person who falls in love. Anyone."

I nodded and smiled meekly. "I've seen his temper outbursts. He does not frighten me. But you're right and I will. Thank you for your counsel." I took her hands in mine and squeezed them to reassure her, and then I busied myself with making myself presentable.

The blue dress hugged my waist without a corset, which I found astonishing, and the collar was open in a v shape that exposed some of my cleavage. I was given black, flat, simple shoes and a belt to match. No stockings. "How strange," I mused as I looked in the mirror, "but I like it. My legs feel too bare, but the freedom is a nice change." I decided on leaving my hair loose. I straightened my skirt and nearly ran out of the door when the breakfast bell rang.

Just as I was walking into the breakfast room, I felt Searlus descending the stairs. I whirled around, ran past Anne and my father, and lunged at my unsuspecting beast. "Good morning, my love!" I exclaimed as I placed my hands on his chest and tiptoed to reach him while puckering my lips at him.

"Erm, good morning..." he said, unsure.

I opened my eyes to find his embarrassed face staring directly at his other guests who were ogling right back. I sucked in my lips and lowered myself away from him. I felt a pang in my midsection at the mortifying rejection. Searlus gave me a brief apologetic look, then turned on his calm and royal demeanour. Anne and my father bowed and curtsied while I stood there like an idiot before stumbling through my own strange salutation that was half a bend and half trip.

"Shall we?" He asked gruffly while he held out his arm for me to take.

"Yes, Your Majesty," I grumbled bitterly and formally took his arm.

The table was much smaller and more intimate for the four of us, and it was round! It filled me with the hope that this might be a sign that Searlus would be trying to be more sociable. He pulled out a seat for me by his side. The table was wide enough for my father and Anne to seat themselves in front of us, Papa before Searlus and Anne before me. As we sat and served ourselves, I sent glances to my suitor, which were not returned. He was put together, unlike the previous day. He wore a velvet, forest-green jacket and his silk shirt beneath was a light yellow. I couldn't help my pout. My sweet Searlus was not sitting by my side, instead sat His Royal Majesty, The King.

Searlus cleared his throat before speaking. "My father used to say that a King should never apologize, but I am of a different opinion. So, I would like to atone for our hasty retreat from dinner. It was rude of me."

My father nodded. "It was an urgent matter that needed tending to," he gave me a pointed look then sent his gaze back to the King, "I'm happy for you both."

Searlus gave Papa a curt nod and gave me a quick sideways glance. "Thank you, my Lord," he said dryly before taking a large gulp of his tea.

My Lord again, I thought with frustration. The formality was suffocating me, and Searlus' cold shoulder was depressing me. Did he change his mind about us between the time I left him and now? Did he feel like our evening was a mistake? It was torture.

"So, when's the wedding?" Anne exclaimed chirpily when an awkward silence began to grow.

Both Searlus and my father nearly choked on their breakfast. Anne gave me a wink and tried to hide her smirk. I thanked her with a look for breaking the ice. As my father drank eagerly from his water, certainly hoping it was something else entirely, Searlus thumped on his chest with his fist and tried to cough discreetly into a napkin.

I stifled a snicker while Searlus dabbed at his mouth. "Well, I, uh, suppose I should request a private appointment with you, Maurice," he coughed again, "I would have preferred to, erm, well, to--"

"Let some time pass," my father offered.

Searlus nodded. "Yes, precisely. The appropriate time for a, um, a possible engagement announcement would be after at least a year of courting, of course. With your permission granted, Maurice, obviously."

"Obviously," Papa agreed and straightened his jacket.

"Yes, obviously. Then at least another year for the, uh, engagement period before the," Searlus coughed loudly, "wedding."

My father nodded and placed his napkin back on his lap. "Obviously."

Searlus tapped his claws on the table. "Obviously."

Anne and I looked from man to beast, then burst out laughing at the same time. My Healer was quicker to compose herself than I. "Fine with me," I giggled and placed a hand over Searlus' paw. "One does not have to be wed to enjoy married life," I murmured discreetly for only Searlus to hear. His eyes widened, and he pursed his lips. He removed my hand from his grasp to pick up a slice of toast that he ended up not eating.

After breakfast was over, Searlus excused himself, saying he had business to attend to and that he would see us later in the evening. He gave me a curt bow and barely spared me a glance, then left. My breakfast turned in my stomach at his cold treatment of me. When I turned to my other companions, they were looking at me strangely.

Papa swayed on his heels, "I'm sure he's just trying to act like a proper King, Belle, don't read into it."

"Oh, yes," Anne assured, "he's quite shy as well. He's never been in love."

"He has actually," I corrected her with a mirthless smile. "Amelia."

Anne nearly gagged. "The Royal Brat! Bah! He was quick to see through that one! Thank goodness for that." She scoffed. "Honestly, Belle, I would bet my life that you are is first love. He's in over his head." She chuckled.

I thought about her words as I wandered through the castle. I thought I was aimless but soon found myself before the doors of the West Wing. I traced the engravings of the King's Crest lovingly. I felt so useless, pinning after a man like some school girl, unable to think about anything else. I tried to entice myself to read in the library, or paint in the parlour, study alchemy, anything, but I opened the door instead to find him.

I took my time walking through the hall this time. I gazed into his courtyard, and I studied the portraits more closely. I made myself believe that it was because I was genuinely interested, but I knew it was really because I feared his rejection again. Searlus was probably busy tending to issues of the Kingdom. He had said he would see us later for dinner, and these halls were strictly forbidden for me to enter even though he had invited me in the previous day, surely he would be vexed by my intrusion. I heard voices echo through a crack in the open door of his lab. Two men at least. It was the oddest thing, to hear unfamiliar voices after having no contact with anyone outside of the castle. I edged closer.

"Pirates keep attacking our ships, Your Highness, it's beginning to appear deliberate and systematic. Constant attacks from a neighbouring kingdom, perhaps."

"Let's not jump to conclusions just yet, My Lord, but I see a pattern as well. I may be able to get an expert opinion, however. Lady Belle? Do come in."

I was momentarily rooted in place, eyes widened with shock, then I slowly pushed the door open wider to find a large mirror on a far wall, and Searlus seated just off to its side. Relief washed over me when the King waved me forward with a gentle smile. As I crossed the threshold, I looked at the mirror and saw that instead of a reflection, there was a room filled with people seated at a table, three men and three women. They stared at me with awe.

"Council members, may I present my dear friend and courter, Lady Kari Belle Bonnet-Dubois, former First Mate of the Esperanza," Searlus announced proudly.

I bowed with as much grace a sailor could offer. "Good morning, Lords and Ladies."

They all stood and greeted me in unison and began introducing themselves. Because I was not prepared for such a meeting, I did not retain a single name. Each tried to engage me in conversation that had everything to do with me. They were beyond curious and asked many questions, which I could hardly answer fully when someone else would interrupt and ask another question.

"How's your stay at the castle so far?" "We've never met any of the courters before!" "What do you do in your spare time?" "Do you play any instruments?" They clamoured over each other with such questions and statements before Searlus finally put a stop to it.

"Let us return to the topic at hand," he stifled a chuckle. The Council could hear the mirth in his voice and craned their necks in his direction, utterly shocked. Searlus kept out of sight and curled his claws for me to approach him.

I was partially visible to our inquisitive audience, and some could not hold back a gasp when it was apparent that their King took my hand in greeting. He kissed my wrist softly but quickly and looked at me with amusement glittering in his eye. I blushed and smiled back.

"What course of action would you take, Lady Belle, if you suspected a neighbouring Kingdom of posing as pirates to attack undercover?" He asked, seriously.

"Well," I began, a bit nervous while all eyes were on me, "our merchant ships are notoriously under armed. It's known in foreign lands that long-range attack is not our forte."

"They weigh the ships down!" One of the council members interjected.

"Yes, they do," I agreed, "but I think it would stop many from attacking if we merely appeared to be heavily armed. Fire a warning shot and bluff, you see?"

"Ah! Good advice," one of them cried out exuberantly.

"Maybe some of the naval ships could pose as merchant ships" I added, "if the pirates try to board, well," I shrugged and smirked, "the navy is far superior to a band of ill-trained bandits. Others will think twice before attacking a merchant ship again."

They all chuckled in unison.

"But," I mused aloud, "if a neighbouring kingdom's navy is under a pirate guise? Your soldiers will know the difference. If they're just sailors hired to rob and attack us, it would be prudent to know what they favour stealing. Whatever it is, maybe be what that Kingdom lacks in trade. I may still remember a few good sailors who have a more profound knowledge of the black market."

The discourse continued for some time, and Searlus mandated that all my advice be implemented in a specific order of priority as soon as possible. His main concern was to figure out if the attacks were random coincidences or undercover warfare.

As he gave his orders, Searlus grabbed onto my hand. "Please, do make yourself comfortable," he said with a mischevious glint in his eye as he pulled me onto his lap, "sit by me."

I gazed at him with my mouth open in shock. "You mean on you, brute," I whispered discreetly. His grin was wicked when he cupped my face with his paw and pulled me to his lips. The Council members could not see our blatant mockery of Royal decorum, and it excited us both. They chattered on and on about their week's accomplishments, all trying to impress His Majesty while our lips and hands explored one another in a much more sensual way than the previous evening. What was more shocking was that Searlus lead our little sinful dalliance and not I. He had been so timid before, but at that moment, his movements and kisses were confident and full of need. His warm, piney breath washed over me, and when he teased my lips with his tongue, I gasped. It was the opening he needed, and he placed a hand on my neck to deepen our kiss, his other hand tightened on my exposed knee. Although he only slipped within my eager mouth long enough for a light dual with my tongue, the act was enough to send a pool of warmth between my legs. Searlus ended our kiss and inhaled with a soft hiss. I was breathless when I opened my eyes and saw that his nostrils were flared wide, and I knew he was taking in my aroused scent. The very thought that he could smell my desire only made my ache grow. His darkened look didn't ease my suffering either.

"Erm, Sire?" We heard one of the members ask.

Searlus' gaze continued to burn into mine when he answered. "Yes," he replied with more control than I thought him capable in that moment, "our Royal Healer will be going back to her regular post soon, not to worry." Again, his tone was as if nothing strange or untoward had happened at all. Somehow he had been able to listen to their jabber while my own world had melted away along with my restraint. I took it as a challenge. I let my hand travel down his chest.

"That's wonderful news. I suppose that means you are feeling better, Sire?" Someone else inquired.

I raked my short nails over his shirt as I stared into his lust filled eyes without blinking. "Oh yes," he rumbled, "much better, indeed." Although his tone was still calm and collected, his breathing was now shallow. I brushed my lips lightly over his own in a teasing fashion.

"Splendid!" Cried another member.

He tried to catch my lips, but I kept pulling back at the last minute. His chest began to vibrate with a low, rumbling growl. To combat my teasing, the beast actually had the gall to graze his smooth claws up my leg and under my skirt. My breath caught in my throat, and I bit back a moan while I buried my face into the crook of his neck. Another wave of lust trickled down into my undergarments, and he sucked in another quick breath. Searlus murmured a curse into my hair then cleared his throat.

"If that is all," he announced loudly, "we shall take our leave now. You are dismissed." He didn't wait for them to say another word and ended the connection with a wave of his hand. He stood abruptly with me cradled in his arms, eliciting a cry of surprise from me, then carried me over to a tall table and sat me on it. I reached out to wrap my arms around his neck, but he snatched my writs and pulled back to let his eyes travel over me with hunger. His gaze eventually stopped at my bust. "This dress," he rasped and shook his head slowly, "is the work of evil."

I chuckled and tried to wriggle my hands out his grasp but held fast. I did the only thing I could to retaliate. "Oh? Does it expose too much?" I asked innocently while I pushed my breasts together with my elbows.

He growled predatorily and then inhaled deeply once more, his eyes briefly rolling back under his lowered eyelids. "Minx, are you even wearing any undergarments?" He asked with clenched teeth.

I gave him an evil smirk, for once the knowledge that he could smell my sex did not bother me at all. It filled me with boldness, knowing that the short open skirt allowed him to notice how much I desired him. "A lady never tells, but you could see for yourself if you like."

His upper lip twitched into a snarl, and he seemed almost in pain. "Is it really my touch that you're responding to this way?" He husked in wonder.

"Oh, yes," I breathed with need.

He groaned and shut his eyes hard. "I think it's best we stop now," he rumbled with a warning, reluctantly let go of my wrists, and backed away from me.

I let out a small whimper of disappointment. I watched him back up against a desk while we caught our breaths and I snickered. "And here I was beginning to think you regretted our evening together."

He nodded. "I know," he admitted. I snapped my eyes to him in confusion. "I heard your conversation after I left the room, well, some of it." I grimaced thinking of my stupidity. I should have checked on his proximity before speaking of him. "It pained me to leave you with doubt," he continued, "but I swore to prove you wrong after my meeting with the council." He smiled impishly. "Was I successful?"

"Oho! And you call _me_ minx!" I jumped off my seat and ran into his arms. His embraces, touch, and kisses thus far were perfect. I was delighted to see what a quick learner he was, but I should have known since he prides himself on being an exceptional student.

"Forgive me if you felt that I was cold toward you, my love," he murmured passionately. I nearly swooned at the endearment. "They're right, you know? I'm unsure of how to comport myself with you while in their company."

"Forgiven - forgiven," I waved away his apology and focussed on his large hands on my lower back. So close to my rump. I gave a small moan into his jacket when I imagined how wonderful his strong hands would feel on the least modest parts of my body. "Carry me into your room as you just did," I huffed against his chest, "I think I need more convincing."

"Heaven help me," he bleated softly and peeled me off his person. "Belle," he looked at me sternly, "we must find ways to occupy our time--"

"Oh, I agree," I interrupted suggestively while I fought against his hold.

"Goodness," he fought back a smile, "I mean we should take our time getting to know each other more... intimately. After all, if we are to wed, that will not be for some time yet."

I froze mid-struggle and scoffed. "Ha! It almost sounds as if you intend for us to wait that long to be intimate!" My chortle was cut short when I caught his grave expression. I felt like someone had doused iced water on my head. I snatched my hands away from him in outrage. "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" I screeched.

He looked affronted. "Is it not the proper thing to do?"

"P-prop-propper?!" I stammered in utter indignation. I was about to let out my full fury when I caught his lips twitch with mischief. I narrowed my eyes at him, growled, and smacked his arm. "Farceur!" I hit him again when he began to laugh openly. "Jester! You scared me out of my wits!" He continued to laugh at me, and I steeled myself as not to give him the satisfaction of seeing my mirth. I turned and stalked away from him to hide my growing smile.

"Short of barricading myself behind the doors of the West Wing, how else am I to curb your persistent appetite?" He laughed again.

"I'm glad you find my plight humorous, Searlus, I really do," I deadpanned. "My appetite, as you say, has been lit a fire by you, fool. Have you any idea how long it's been for me?"

I heard him sigh deeply. "Not nearly as long as it's been for _me_ ," he retorted morosely. I winced again at my carelessness and turned around with an apology on my lips, but he was already waving it away. "Nevermind, nevermind," he said with a grin. He crossed to me and took my hands in his. "I jest, of course, but I do wish for us to take our time. There's still a chance you'll come to your senses after your head wound heals, and I do not wish for you to regret too much."

I gave him my best bored expression and shook my head. "Head injuries do not cause sensations of elation or love, Searlus, quite the opposite."

Searlus leaned over and gently kissed the crack on my head. "Regardless, he whispered and tilted my chin up to meet his gaze, "let's not be rash. Let us," he shrugged, "enjoy one another slowly." He squeezed my chin playfully. "If that does not sway you then just think of my child-like innocence," he finished with puppy eyes and a pout.

"Good lord," I grated and pushed him away as he guffawed once more.

"Where are you going?" He called out in his fit of laughter.

"To occupy myself, as you suggested. In my room. With my pillow!" I yelled over my shoulder then spun on my heel when I reached the door to close it. Before the door slammed shut, I caught him dragging his hand over his pained expression, and I had the last laugh.

I was very tempted to address my threat to Searlus, but the thought of pleasuring myself without him deterred me. I wanted him to do the honours and show him how much I desired him. He may have been joking about expecting me to come to my senses and end things with him, but I knew it came from a real place of doubt. If I had to deny myself relief so that he may see how much I wanted him, so be it. So, instead of marching to my room, I searched for Anne and my father hoping they'd keep my mind off my current obsession.

Time went by excruciatingly slow until seven o' clock. We made our way to the dining room and saw our seat placement had changed. Searlus' usual place at the head of the table had arrangements for us to his right and left. I was filled with joy at the sight of it, and Searlus gave me a knowing smile when he took his place among us. He greeted me with more confidence than that morning by taking my hand and kissing my wrist. My cheeks hurt from all my foolish smiling. We enjoyed conversation about what we did during the day, things we learned from our books, and my father graced us with exciting tales from his youth out at sea. It was lovely. After we were sated and a bit intoxicated, Searlus laid his palm on the table for me to place my hand into. I took his paw with a blush, and he rubbed his thumb over pulse, which quickened at his sensual touch. Then he proposed we dance! Everyone was quick to accept the offer, and we made off to the ballroom. Of course, it was not decorated as it was for our previous Royal Ball, but no one seemed to care. The magic was also not as potent or glamorous, but when the magical musicians began to play, the Kings guests all stared in wonder. As before, Searlus commanded the room with his eloquent dancing until I was breathless. The music slowed, but I still needed fresh air.

My partner led me out to the balcony, sat on a stone bench and pulled me to his lap as he had done that morning. We both glanced inside to see if we had an audience, but Anne and Papa were staring into each other's eyes, completed enraptured while they danced.

I watched them happily. "You're so worried about hurting me with your strength, but have no qualms over it when we dance. Why is that?" I asked, truly curious.

"My mother taught me to dance. She made me practice with a man made of straw before she attempted to be my partner. It took many years, but I aspired to learn to control my strength for it as well as the steps. It was the only time we ever really touched for longer than a few fleeting moments. After she passed, I continued to practice in her honour and..." he grew quiet and solemn, "I hoped I'd find someone who could enjoy dancing with me again." I gave him a deep kiss. "So, you see," he resumed, "I will continue to treat you with care until I have more practice with _other_ _things_." He raised an eyebrow suggestively.

I sighed with content and made for kissing him again more passionately, but his ears twitched, and he sent his gaze back into the ballroom with a look of concern. I gazed within and gasped when I saw that Anne was crying in my father's embrace. "Oh, no! What's happened." I jumped off Searlus' lap, but he held me back.

"They need privacy, Belle."

At that moment, my father led her out of the ballroom. I looked at Searlus, who seemed sad. "You heard, didn't you? What is it? What happened?"

He sighed deeply. "Curse these ears," he breathed. "She was overwhelmed by the thought that he would forget their time together if he were to leave the grounds."

I nearly burst into tears myself. "I've been so selfish. I begged him to stay a week more!" I confessed with grief.

"Yes, and I keep delaying Anne from returning to the hospital." He shook his head. "I did it for their sake, but it seems we may be doing them a disservice keeping them here. It's a shame... I've grown to enjoy their company."

"Oh, Searlus!" I sobbed. "Is there no way for my father to keep his memories? Like Anne?"

He shook his head. "I can only delay the effects for a handful of hours. Anne is unaffected because she was on the grounds when the enchantment was placed on the gate. I'm sorry. Truly I am."

He did sound sincere, which only depressed me more. "Then break down the gate," I begged knowing he'd refuse.

His eyes grew fearful at once. "I-I-no, I cannot."

"Why not?" I pulled on his jacket with desperation. "I will not leave you, I promise."

"It's not that," he pulled my hands away and stood.

I glared at my palms. "You told me you could not refuse me," I challenged quietly.

Searlus paced for a moment before he turned to me again. "I cannot, Belle," he pleaded while kneeling before me. I could feel myself hardening my heart at his refusal. I turned my face away and let my tears fall. "No, please look at me. Look at me," he begged again. "Do not hate me for this. Ask me anything, and I shall grant it save for this. You do not know how people react to me because you are different, my love. You were quick to see my humanity when so many others have failed! Trust me, Belle, if the people find out that a creature like me rules them, they'll be breaking down the doors with pitchforks and torches."

"You don't know that!"

"I do! Because there are those who plot against me and will see to it that it happens. Please, my treasure. My hope. My love, do not ask this of me. I beg you." His final words were said with such anguish that I finally looked into his tearful and frightened eyes.

I nodded and smothered my grief to answer. "All right. I understand," I lied.

"You do not hate me?" He asked and cupped my face to dry my tears with his thumbs.

"No," I whispered. That was true. I could not hate him. Not now. "But I do think I need time to... grieve my loss. Please give me time."

He nodded and sniffed as he pulled his hands from me and stood. "Of course. Please let me walk you to your room. I cannot leave you this way." He reached for me, and I took his hand. We walked in silence until we reached the foot of my bed. "Can I do something for you?" He winced when the words left his mouth. He knew the only thing I wanted was for my father to keep his memories, but his melancholic demeanour pained me. As upset as I was, I still tried to soothe him.

I embraced him and reached up to kiss him good night. "I'll be fine. Until tomorrow, my love," I whispered reassuringly.

Reluctantly, Searlus bid me good night and left me to cry myself to sleep.

 


	12. The Gate

I was awoken by my father the following morning when the light in the room told me I missed breakfast.

"Plan to sleep all day, eh?" He chuckled from the doorway. "I'll leave you to it then." He made to leave when I stopped him.

"Papa," I uttered and reached out for him. He smiled, walked over to my bedside, and took my hand with a gentle squeeze. "You should leave as soon as possible," I said quietly. I willed my tears away.

Father frowned and sighed. "I said I'd stay a week more and I plan--"

"You and Anne deserve to be happy," I interrupted. "She's needed at the hospital anyway, and you," I shook his hand to steel myself, "from the looks of last night, she needs you more than I."

Papa nodded slowly, looking very forlorn. "We'd be starting all over," he replied despondently.

I gave him a reassuring smile. "All the more reason to go. The longer you stay, the more you'll have to rediscover. Go pack." I gave his hand a final squeeze and let him go. "I'll see you off at the gate when you're ready."

He scoffed. "If I'm ever ready," he muttered and left the room deep in thought.

I did not want to leave the comfort of my bed. As thoroughly depressed as I was, it pained me to think about Searlus and what he must have thought of my ongoing absence. That was punishment enough for him, I knew. He always seemed to hate himself so readily whenever he felt he displeased me in any way. I got up to write Searlus a note as a way to hopefully ease his torment, and therefore, my own when I heard a gentle knock. "Come in," I answered offhandedly as I brought pen to paper. I had expected Anne or my father, but Searlus entered instead. "Oh!"

His eyes lingered over my nightgown briefly before he cast his eyes to the ground. "You were not expecting me. I can leave if you like."

My wardrobe shot a shawl at my head. "No, it's all right," I exclaimed and sputtered as I pulled the cloth over my shoulders and gave the furniture a roll of my eyes. "I was just about to write to you."

Searlus closed the door behind him and approached me nervously. There was nowhere to sit nearby, so he knelt before me and hesitantly took my hands in his. "I know you asked for time to-to grieve," he mumbled with uncertainty, "when I did not see you at breakfast, I worried. I'm sorry to intrude on you." He continued to look at my hands, his expression sorrowful.

I raised his heavy hands to my lips and gave each paw a light kiss. He gave me a hopeful smile, which I tried to return, but failed. "I just needed to catch up on sleep, is all. And when I said I needed time, I didn't mean away from you."

Searlus sighed with relief. "Thank goodness," he breathed, "staying away from you is difficult for me."

I scoffed lightly. "You've done it before with much success and easily enough."

His brow furrowed and he shook his head in denial. "Success maybe, but not easily. Without lock and key, I'd have failed miserably more often than not."

The thought of him locking himself away in that dreadful tower just to keep himself away from me filled me with frustration. "And you never thought you were doing more harm than good? Leaving me alone with no one to confide in?" My tone had turned cold.

Searlus dropped his head into my lap. "I thought I was a danger to you. To be honest, I'm still not convinced I'm not, but I promise never to shun you again. I don't have the strength for it anymore anyway." He raised his head to my level, his eyes were full of anguish. "Will you allow me to comfort you as you have done for me? I cannot stand to see you hurting." I turned my face away and grimaced. I wanted to be angry with him. I wanted to yell at him and tell him that what would give me comfort was to break down the blasted gates. "You do resent me then," he accused woefully, "because I cannot grant you what you truly wish."

"You _will_ not," I corrected quietly.

There was a long moment of silence before he spoke again. "You are right," he replied dryly. "For us to move past this, I must admit that it is not a matter of can or cannot. I _will_ not destroy the gates, Belle. There are too many reasons _why_ those gates are in place. Maybe if you knew what those reasons were, you'd understand better and forgive me." He released my hands and stood. "Will you join me in my quarters after you've dressed?"

"I should spend every moment with my father. He leaves today."

"Bring him along if you must. I owe him an explanation as well. Please." Although he added the word please, it sounded like an order. I nodded curtly, and he left.

I dressed slowly in my usual, casual attire and fetched my father, who was in the middle of packing. As we walked to the West Wing, I saw him flipping through some notes and stuffing them in his pockets one by one.

"What are those?" I inquired as the doors to the King's wing opened.

"Memories. I thought if I wrote some down in my own hand... I don't know. Stupid."

I stopped and embraced him. "It's not stupid. It's a wonderful idea. You'll have accounts written in your own hand."

I felt Searlus approaching us but continued to hold onto my father as silent tears streamed down my cheeks. They both waited patiently until I cleared my throat and peeled myself off Papa.

Searlus motioned us down the hall. "Thank you for coming."

My father bowed and took my arm. "Sire, you do not need to explain yourself to me--"

"I do. For your daughter's sake as well as my own," he rumbled gravely. We reached the middle of the hall when Searlus pointed at a portrait of three youths. They were around the same age and looked related though the one in the middle wore a mask that only covered his eyes. He was the only one with green eyes instead of blue but had a cascade of golden hair surrounding his face to match the others. "Those are my cousins," he announced and began to name them. "The one on the left is Adam, and the on the right is Armand."

"And in the middle?" I asked, curious about the strange fair-skinned boy with the elaborate little mask.

"Also, Adam. He reposed to represent me in the portrait," he explained tiredly." I fumed internally. His appalling family wouldn't even allow him to be in a portrait with his cousins! "It was Adam's idea. He and Armand were only a year apart, and Adam was the youngest. He meant well and was always as kind to me as he dared. He almost became my proxy in the public eye, but," Searlus sighed heavily, "he died in a hunting accident."

"I'm sorry," I said, meaning it wholeheartedly. He must have been the closest thing to a friend he'd ever had.

My father leaned away from the portrait and faced the King. "It's rumoured that Prince Armand is...," Papa trailed off not knowing what words would be appropriate.

Searlus finished his sentence for him. "Duplicitous and conniving? Yes. Unfortunately, if I have no heir and something happens to me, he would have a claim to the throne. He likes to remind me of that fact more often than I can count and has already tried causing trouble before. I believe he is the one behind the constant pirate attacks, Belle. He's done similar things in the past but covers his track well, so I have not been able to implicate him."

I nodded with understanding and looked at the portrait again to study the slightly older boy. He was a handsome lad and wore a smug, pompous grin.

"Only family were allowed to be on the grounds when the gates were enchanted," Searlus continued. "Before Armand left this castle, he swore to me that he would do anything possible to save the Kingdom from my rule for as long as he lived. His first attack was to drive fear into the hearts of the people by spreading these." He pulled out a parchment and unfolded it to reveal a horrendous drawing of a monster with a crown. It looked nothing like Searlus and more like a ravenous demon. "Because he had no support from my aunt or his brother, Armand kept himself anonymous, and the plan failed."

My father sighed and placed a hand on my arm. "I remember those. Most saw it as a joke, but then there were some riots."

Searlus put the drawing away. "Yes, but my father put a stop to it and had gifts sent in my name to charities and the like. He paid the servants well to spread an array of false rumours about my deformity to steer people away from the image of a monster. Because there were so many different accounts, people forgot about Armand's previous campaign.

My spirits sank. I had no right to be angry with Searlus. He was right. Just because I could see past his beastly form did not mean others would. I had seen mobs at their worst, and the thought of Searlus being captured and publicly humiliated, or worse made my blood run cold.

Searlus gave me a fleeting glance before locking eyes with my father. "Maurice, I am not the only one who would suffer at the hands of Armand should he be able to get the proof he needs. Belle would be subjected to ridicule or worse because of our... because of me."

Immediately, the image of both Searlus and I chained together on a pyre flooded my mind, and my hands involuntarily shot to my stomach. We could be killed just because we loved each other. Because an idiot Alchemist cursed his form.

My father gave Searlus a hooded gaze and nodded gravely. "That, Sire, cannot happen."

"There we can agree," Searlus rumbled low and dangerous, "as long as I breathe, I will make sure she is safe. I swear it."

The air was heavy, despite the fresh breeze flowing in from the open courtyard. Some words of encouragement were said though I cannot remember them. Papa and I left the West Wing and walked back to our rooms in silence. After a leisure and tear-filled walk with my father around the grounds, the lunch bell rang, and we made our way inside. The table was set for two, but neither of us ate very much. We tried to talk only of joyous things, and we reminisced about happy times at sea. When silence finally fell between us, we both knew it was time. My father's items had already been packed into a driverless carriage, and Searlus was there waiting by it.

Papa approached him and was about to kneel when Searlus stopped him with a simple gesture. "It was an honour to have you as my guest, Maurice. I have enjoyed your company, however brief."

My father cleared his throat and seemed to weigh some options in his mind before he finally stuck out his arm for a handshake. It was a gamble I didn't think him capable of. "The honour was mine," he replied confidently as Searlus stared at his hand with a blank expression. It was quite awkward until Searlus finally took it and they shook firmly. Papa motioned for me to climb in first.

I looked to Searlus who grew concerned at once. "Anne will be waiting for him outside the gate. We'll both dismount before the gate so I can see him off. I don't want him to be confused--"

"It's fine," he interrupted my ramblings, "Just be wary. Remember, we may have enemies waiting for an opportunity to cause harm."

I nodded and pulled my cloak to the side to show him my pistol. "I'm aware."

Searlus held his hand out to help me climb aboard. He closed the carriage door but left his hands perched in the opening while he looked at me like it was the last time he may ever see me. "I'll alert the guards of your plan. Don't get too close to the gate, Belle," he whispered desperately.

I placed my hands on his and leaned out to kiss him. "I'll be back soon."

"I will be waiting anxiously." He pulled back and cleared his throat, "I have a gift for you when you arrive."

I managed to smile. "I'm looking forward to it."

He gave the carriage two big pats, and we were off. I kept my eyes on him for as long as I could before the forest trees obscured him and the castle completely. In no time, our carriage slowed to a stop before the gate. We dismounted and waited for the doors to open. I heard the guards shout their orders from the other side and above. My heart was racing, and I latched onto my father's hand. He gave me a reassuring squeeze while the doors groaned and opened before us.

Anne was the first person we saw, and although she was smiling, it never reached her eyes. This was bittersweet for her, and I'm sure she was as nervous as I. The doors opened wider and revealed a small group had gathered behind her and some guards. Loud gasps emanated from the group when they caught sight of me. A few children ran off, most likely to spread the news. The guards silenced the crowd as best they could, but more people were already hurrying to see the spectacle.

"Let's get on with it before a mob shows," my father muttered then turned to me to embrace me, "the King is probably having a heart attack already. Get home to him now, don't worry about me."

"I will see you through, Papa," I whispered in his ear. "I love you!"

There were some audible, sympathetic sounds from the forming crowd at our show of affection. My father peeled himself off me, straightened up like the captain he was and marched to the opening. He didn't hesitate. He walked straight for Anne, and when he was a few feet past the gate, he slowed to a stop.

Anne approached him. "Hello, Maurice," she sniffed and wiped away tears. My heart broke when my father surveyed his surroundings in a confused manner.

He turned around and saw me. "Belle!" He made to run to me, but the guards stopped him. "Are you all right?! That's my daughter! Let me through!"

"Papa!" I shouted. "I'm well and very happy!" I cried out as my tears flowed freely. "We had a lovely time here at the castle. Anne will tell you everything, and you have notes in your pockets to remember us by."

I saw his expression drop from concern to confusion. He nodded as it all came together for him in his mind. "Your accident?" He asked. The crowd grew quiet to hear my response. I looked around and could see they were hanging on my every word. I was filled with courage suddenly. It was my chance to spread my own rumours. "Oh, you know me, Papa. Careless and stubborn." I managed a laugh. "The King was worried for no reason. It was just a scratch."

Anne gave me a knowing look, then she whispered into his ear. Papa seemed shocked. "You're in love with the King?!"

The crowd gasped and murmured again.

I smiled broadly and nodded. "Very much so, and the King feels the same for me." Some in the group began to cheer while others shouted questions.

"What's he like?"   
"Is he monstrous?"  
"He can't be that ugly if that beauty loves him!"  
"Tell us more!"

I raised my arms up for them to quiet down and to my surprise, they did. "Our King is kind and generous as well as honourable, and he is loyal to you, his subjects." My tears had stopped, and my voice was full of pure adoration and confidence. "He always has you in his mind and heart and will never stop trying to steer our Kingdom to prosperity! Has he not been a great King?!"

The people cheered in response. "Hail King Searlus!" They continued to clap and cheer, and I smiled at them all, but when my eyes caught sight of three grave men, staring at me, I was reminded of the hungry wolves who were fit to devour me. My hand shot discreetly to my loaded pistol, and when I blinked, they were gone, obscured by the ever-growing crowd. I looked to my father who was huddled with Anne as she spoke quickly into his ear.

He nodded, then caught my gaze and raised his hand. "Write to me!"

"I already have," I shouted back. "Check your pockets!"

The doors began to shut, and I stayed put until the outside world was blocked entirely from view. The walls and gates kept most of the sounds out. I wouldn't have known there were so many people gathered behind them. The horses began to neigh impatiently. I gave them reassuring pats and climbed aboard once more. The carriage barely waited for me to be completed seated when it shot off in the direction of the castle. I caught sight of the castle first and squinted through the trees to see if Searlus was waiting for me. We finally broke through the clearing, but Searlus was nowhere in sight.

"Waiting anxiously indeed," I muttered with disappointment.

The carriage stopped, and I dismounted, but a strange sound met my ears. I turned quickly while I reached for my pistol when I recognized the fast fourlegged run of an animal. I fully expected a wolf to tackle me to the ground and I knew I didn't have time to shoot the mongrel down, and all I could hope for was that I'd have a chance to fire and then reach for my knife in my boot. I faced my attacker with a growl that died in my throat because it was no wolf that was suddenly in mid-pounce, but Searlus. In my surprise, I backpedalled and tripped over my own feet, crashing to the ground flat on my back. He landed on all fours on top of me, his growling face only inches away from my startled one. Logically, I knew I was safe, but my body trembled from the adrenaline that coursed through me. Searlus looked more animal than man with his sharp canines exposed, his irises nearly swallowed whole by his pupils, and his dark, raised fur covering every inch of his shirtless upper body. It was a miracle I didn't wet myself. He didn't say a word and just panted in my face.

I punched at his exposed chest with annoyance. "I almost shot you, you-you fiend!"

"Believe me," he rasped with a dangerous tone in his voice, "you weren't even close." He inhaled sharply, and his eyes grew darker. "You're afraid," he rumbled through a growl, thoroughly pleased.

The beast that loomed over me was not my kind, sweet Searlus. He was almost unrecognizable and appeared to revel in my petrified state. He looked hungry and ready to eat me alive. It was exhilarating. I raised my trembling hands to his muscular chest. He snarled, and I hated myself for flinching, but it did not deter me. I placed my palms on his damp fur and marvelled at his strength. I had no idea I was holding my breath, but it finally escaped me when he suddenly tore himself away. He sat on the ground and stared at me while he caught his breath. He looked angry.

"What's happened?" I asked him as my eyes travelled over his dishevelled appearance. Even though I was concerned for him, I couldn't help but find his lack of clothing utterly gratifying. The only thing on him was his short breeches, which he had rolled up above his knees. My god, what a physique! I must have looked as hungry as he had because he scoffed suddenly.

"You are peculiar," his voice seemed back to normal and not as threatening. He shook his head and sent his gaze to the castle. "I knew I could not deny you your request to see your father off the grounds. It took everything in me not to toss you over my shoulder and lock you in my tower." He glared at me again. "But I cannot stand it when you are displeased with me. I watched the carriage disappear and was filled with..." he shuddered. "Before I knew what was happening, I was hunting you," he spat with a mixture of anger and disgust.

I gnawed at my lip and grinned. "You ran after me? You were near the gate?"

"The nearest I've been in all of my life," he affirmed, still displeased.

My smile grew wider. "But I didn't hear or sense you."

"Such is the goal when a beast hunts its prey," he rumbled low, again appearing bitter.

I licked my lips and felt a dire need for him. I planted my hands on the earth, gritted my teeth, and growled. Slowly, I crawled toward him on all fours.

He raised a brow and tilted his head. "What are you doing?"

I hissed loudly and reared back. "Hunting you back!" I snarled and lunged at him. He was so fast. In a flash, he caught me, and I was on my back once more.

He pinned my hands by my head. His lips twitched from wanting to smile or snarl, I do not know. "This is a dangerous game," he grated. "I could lose control."

"Mmm, if only," I murmured suggestively as I craned my neck to try and kiss him.

He leaned away from me. "I'm serious!"

I huffed with frustration. "So. Am. I. Take me already, and maybe you wouldn't feel so _dangerous_ around me!" I mocked. With the loss of my father so fresh and the coming down from the fright of my life, I had lost all patience. I grew angry. "The longer we wait, the less control we'll _both_ have, believe me. Then maybe your fears will come to pass after all! Me, fucked to death beneath you!"

His jaw dropped open, and he released me as if my touch had suddenly scorched him. He stood abruptly and took steps back. "How can you utter something so vile so casually?" He asked aghast. He stared at me like he didn't know me.

"It's true, isn't it? All your warnings and that stupid story about the servant. That's what you're afraid of. Or maybe you think you'll feast on my bones while we--"

"Enough! Please!" His hands shot to his heart, and he recoiled away from me.

I scoffed and raised to standing. "You know what?" I said, exhausted. "I'm not going to do this with you now." I shook my head, and there was no pity in my voice. No regret. Barely any emotion except tiredness. "I just lost my father. Again. So, if you don't mind," I dusted myself off and walked past him without a glance his way, "save your self-loathing for when I can actually give a damn." I hated myself immediately, but I could not bring myself to turn back or apologize. I was emotionally and physically exhausted, and I could smell the remnants of my fear tainted sweat. My tired feet dragged on the ground, and I felt an overwhelming desire to just drop to the floor and go to sleep. While I pondered on how exquisite that would feel at that moment, I was swiftly hoisted up into a pair of strong arms.

"I am a brute, as you say," he murmured into my hair. "I will learn, I promise you."

He didn't say another word as he carried me through the castle. My eyes were closed, but I knew exactly where he was taking me. The scent of the private courtyard confirmed my location. I heard a door open and then another, and another. We began to descend until a waft of warm, humid air caressed my face. I opened my eyes to find myself in a sizeable washroom, almost completely obscured with heavy steam. Some steps led down to a circular pool of water in the ground and Searlus placed me on my feet just before the first of them. I looked around some more and saw roses petals on the ground and lit candles. I gathered the washroom was underground because there were no windows and the walls were made of smooth rock.

I looked up at Searlus with suspicion. "Is this the gift you mentioned?"

Lovingly, he brushed the hair from my face and smiled. "One of them, yes. It's a hot spring."

I gasped and looked at the water with envy. "Why don't I have one of these?!"

He chuckled and placed his hands on my shoulders. "You do."

"I mean in my quarters!" I outraged, but my voice held gratitude nonetheless.

With a curled finger, he tilted my face up to meet his gaze. "You _do_ ," he repeated with intent.

"But," I protested with confusion until I gasped with realization. "Am I moving into your room?!" I exclaimed with delight and threw myself into his arms.

He held me, and I shook when he laughed. "Well, your new room is across from mine," I pulled away and furrowed my brow with frustration at him, "which at the rate you become vexed with me, you may just be grateful for it." Playfully, he lifted an index finger between my eyebrows and rubbed out my angry ridges. When that didn't work, he leaned down and kissed the spot. "I still want us to take our time," he murmured.

"Yes, but--"

"But," he whispered with a smile, "I do not want to be the kind of partner to leave my beloved wanting. I certainly don't want you taking comfort from - what was it you said - your pillow?" I felt my blood rise to my cheeks as he traced my jawline with a claw. "I want to take care of your needs," he whispered sensually, "tell me what you need, and I shall see to it."

I could not believe my ears. Was he really giving me carte blanche after what had just transpired? I looked at him with suspicion and shook my head. "I'll take what I can get. In fact, I give you permission to do whatever it is you feel comfortable with. At your own time. I know I can be..." I struggled to find the right word.

"Impatient?" He offered with a smirk.

"Yes, well, it doesn't help when you tackle me to the ground with," I dragged my nails down his chest and over his hard stomach, eliciting a small groan from him, "all this flaunting."

Searlus closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them, he seemed determined. "I suppose it's only fair to play on even ground. Shall I get dressed, or..." He scanned me head to foot and left the rest unsaid.

Another chance to move things in the direction I had been longing for. I searched his features for any hint of hesitancy. He was purposefully keeping his face blank, I could tell. I sighed and regretted what I was about to say. "This should come naturally." I fortified my resolve and nodded my head. "Plus, I fear I'd be using you to distract me from my woes."

"And I would not mind in the least," he purred sensually, "but maybe it is a good idea to at least wait until later."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Later, eh? Why's that?"

He shrugged and feigned innocence. "I may have another gift for you that may or may not ease your woes to a certain degree. I need to prepare so, that door over there," he pointed to the far end of the area, "leads to your room. Wait for me there after you've had your bath, and I will fetch you when I'm ready.

I nodded silently as he gave me a final kiss on the cheek and left me to soak in privacy. The hot, steaming water was exactly what I needed. My muscles relaxed, the tension melting away along with my tears that would randomly begin to fall. When the heat in the room became unbearable, I lifted myself onto the steps to cool, I finished bathing and dragged myself to my new place.

The sun was getting low and shining its golden light through the large arched windows. I was happy to see my furniture from my old room was here. My wardrobe swung its doors slightly in greeting.

"Hello, friend! What a day," I breathed as I walked deeper inside. I spotted my bed and sighed with content.

I dropped my robe and climbed into it completely bare. I snickered mischievously at the thought of Searlus coming to fetch me and learning of my state beneath my blankets, but then my father's confused face at the gate intruded in my musings. And I cried. Again. My loss earlier had been significant, but Searlus, my dear Searlus, was my gain, I kept reminding myself. How can a person be filled with so much love and despair all at once? I couldn't even put my feelings into words or coherent thoughts because no matter how large my room, or the castle, or grounds were, I felt like I was suddenly suffocating. My sobs became unmanageable, and I didn't even notice that Searlus had entered the room until I felt his arms wrap around me. I thought I'd feel even more confined, trapped in his embrace, but I did not. His warmth and his fresh pine scent relaxed me, and my sobbing slowed to nothing. I could barely keep my eyes open, they were so puffy and tired from weeping so much, but I turned to look at him.

"I'm naked," I hiccupped, "under here."

He nodded gravely. "I gathered." He was dressed in his leisurewear, with his shirt rolled up to his elbows, the way I liked it.

As I took more calming breaths, I realized I had been wrapped in my sheets tightly as one would wrap an omelette. I giggled. "Oh, I must sound hysterical," I laughed and snivelled.

Searlus pressed me firmly against him and breathed into my hair. "You sound unhappy," he replied morosely. "Do you see me as your captor? Yourself as my prisoner?"

I ripped myself out of his arms but could not properly face him because of the bundle of sheets I had been expertly rolled in. "No! Of course, I wish I could leave the castle to see my father whenever I wanted, but I love you. I have chosen to stay with you. That is my choice." I sounded confident, but there was a flicker of doubt in my heart. I leaned against him and pushed my doubt away. I could not think of such things. "I don't want to dwell on such depressing thoughts. I want to stop crying. It's inconvenient," I grumbled like a child.

"I expect more tears after I give you my last gift, but I hope they will be happy ones." He lifted me and sat me up against my bed frame while he stood and fetched a small parcel from the foot of the bed. "I know you wanted to witness an enchantment, and you shall, but I wanted this to be a surprise," he said with uncertainty.

I gave him a curious look and opened my present. Inside was a hand mirror the size of my palm. Its handle was in the shape of a tree trunk, and its branches weave around my reflection. It was made of pure silver. "It's beautiful." A strange ripple spread on its surface, and I looked to Searlus with shock. "What does it do?"

"Belle?" Came a voice from the mirror.

I snapped my gaze back to my gift and saw my fathers large blue eyes and bulbous nose covering the entire reflection.

"Helloooooo? Blasted thing - can you hear me?"

My scream was loud and piercing and then turned into joyous laughter. "PAPA! OH, cannot - can't believe it!"

"Ah!" He cried out with a booming laugh. "It functions! Look, Anne!"

I heard Anne giggle. "Yes, yes, I see it. Hello, Belle!"

"Hello-hello!" I yelled back.

"Are you naked?!" My father exclaimed. "Nevermind, nevermind. Belle! Did you know Anne is quite _in love_ with me?!" He jeered with a wicked smile. Some kind of towel smacked him over the head. He laughed and raised a hand in surrender. "I'm a lucky man is all I'm saying!"

"Oh, I'm so happy!" I looked up to find Searlus retreating from my room. "Searlus!"

He turned and smiled. "Talk to your father and catch him up as long as you like. I will send your dinner here to you."

He was right. Tears of joy poured forth and blew him a big kiss. "Thank you!" I cried. "Thank you!"

He nodded and left.

My father had so many questions for me, and I tried my best to retell all that had happened from his short stay. I even pulled out my diary and read some things for him. His head was spinning by the end of it all, but he was glad we could now see and talk to each other whenever we wished. He admitted, later on in the evening, that the choice to leave was right for him. It had not been difficult to accept Anne's account and now mine. He felt it in his heart that it was all true. Even though he could not remember, hearing the stories did bring back a sense of familiarity and deep-seated knowledge.

My dinner rolled in by my bedside with a note from Searlus.

**My dearest,**   
**I'm glad to have seen you smile again. I will leave you to your reminiscing and see you tomorrow morning. Sleep well.**

**Yours,**   
**Searlus**

I was sad that he did not want to come, but I set my mind to find him after I was done talking with my father. I didn't realize I had so much to say. My eyelids grew heavy, the candles snuffed themselves out, and I remember my father's gentle voice urging me to sleep. He promised to call me the next day, and I fell asleep with mirror clutched to my chest.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had trouble with this chapter because I'm eager to get these two on VERY intimate terms but it didn't feel natural. So, I had to rewrite the end. Belle needed some happiness and Searlus has done his best to fix the issue. Do you think it's enough? We got some more trouble ahead but I think we can fast-forward a bit now and get these two to the next base. Yes?


	13. His Touch

I was given permission to show off the castle and grounds to my father. I reacquainted Papa with it all. His former room, where we took breakfast. The library, the dining hall, even the wood mill; all of it. My new gift encompassed almost my every waking moment, and it did not escape my notice that Searlus kept himself scarce.

I wanted so badly to orchestrate their reacquaintance, but Searlus would not have it. Apparently, my father did not react well to their first meeting. This was surprising to me, and when I asked Searlus why he had not mentioned this before, he shrugged and told me he did not want me disappointed with the news. Anne was the only reason why he had not screamed in terror even though he was fit for it. I was appalled by the discovery. My own father, reacting in such a way? Not that I didn't believe him, but I just had to ask Anne to confirm it all. And she did. Papa is not happy with himself and is happy not to remember his ill manners. He asked me to send his apologies even though he'd already done so during his stay at the castle. Searlus, of course, brushed it off. He is used to it, he says. My heart aches that he has grown accustomed to such reactions, and I told him so.

He took my hand and kissed it. "I can count on one hand how many have been able to look upon me for the first time and not recoil in terror, and you are among them, Belle. Even without the few others, I would be happy if it had been just you." 

That was the second time he had mentioned our first meeting with such adoration. I felt a tinge of guilt. "Oh, my love," I despaired, "do not think I am so special, I was quite drunk," I muttered my confession finally. I knew I had hidden my inebriation well, I'm a sailor after all.

He surprised me with a chuckle. "You believe that fact escaped me?" He laughed again, "I would have been surprised not to smell the wine on you. Most of the courtiers  are wise enough to drink their fill before coming to the castle of the beast!" He mocked with a growl in my hair. He laughed again but sobered. "Even blind drunk, they cower. Even more so in such a state. So, you are more special still. Tell me, Belle, what were your first thoughts. I've always wanted to ask, but feared the answer."

I pursed my lips and widened my eyes involuntarily. "Well," I swallowed down my embarrassment, "I wondered if I was dreaming it all up. To be quite honest, from the moment I decided to come here, everything was very surreal. You did an excellent job revealing yourself slowly. You kept to the shadows and conversed me with me. You were kind. You prepared me well."

"I did not wish to frighten you," he said gently, pressing his forehead to mine.

"I wasn't frightened or nervous. I was..." I didn't know how to explain.

"Resigned," he offered with a nod. "I recognized that look in your eye. The same as my own when I bothered to look in a mirror."

I cupped his face in my hands and searched those eyes. "They don't look that way now," I murmured lovingly.

He smiled and nuzzled my palm with his cheek. "Neither do yours."

I knew how sensitive he was to my absence, and yet he was so patient with me, never failing to smile and encourage me to use my gift as often as my heart desired. Truth be told, it wasn't just rebuilding what my father and I had lost that kept me at bay, but coming to terms with the reality of my situation. I think on some level, Searlus knew this. Maybe even before I did myself. I had seen my father lose all of his precious memories, a whole week’s worth, in a matter of moments. I wonder how long it would take for me to lose seven months.  

I shudder at the thought even now. My situation is no laughing matter, and I had to admit I had treated it too lightly. But now, how could I choose anything else? Until the threats outside the gate are gone, there is no hope to change how things are, how things must be. I fought with myself for some time, trying to eradicate the vile thoughts that plagued me. Those small voices that called Searlus a coward. It wasn't just his life that was at risk. He was now responsible for mine as well. But above all is a king, and a king's duty is to his people, whether they love him or not. The more I learned of Armand and all of his threats, the more I understood Searlus' reasoning. The vile man had shot him for goodness sake! A subject I had yet to broach for fear of bringing back awful memories. 

It only took a few days to feel my resolve come back to me once more. The distance between us, even though we were now closer than ever, filled me with a void only he could fill. At dinner, I sipped at my wine and let my eyes wander over my suitor as he leaned his head back in his seat and sighed with content. He was so relaxed, dressed casually, his shirt open enough to see the beginnings of his defined chest that I hadn't seen since the day he... hunted me. Remembering it sent a thrill through my body. My gaze took in his firm, broad shoulders and travelled upward. His black mane seemed so soft, and I just wanted to take his thick locks in my hands and smell him. I giggled aloud at the thought.

Searlus opened a suspicious eye and smirked. "What do you find so amusing?" He gruffed. 

"Your hair," I chuckled and offered no other explanation. 

"Should I wear it differently? I know it makes me look more beastly, but it makes my ears less pronounced." He seemed self-conscious all of a sudden. 

"Don't you dare touch it!" I swatted at his hand that began to claw through his mane nervously. "I was laughing at the thought of myself half buried in your gorgeous head of hair." I giggled more when he appeared bashful. "Will you let me brush it? Please say yes."

"I, erm, suppose--" 

"Yes!" I jumped from my seat and tugged on his hand until he stood. "Come, come!" 

He chuckled nervously as I took his arm and led the way. We walked briskly and quietly. I think we both knew what might lie ahead for us as he opened the door to his parlour. 

"I suppose you will want to bid your father good night soon?" He asked as he closed the door behind us. 

"I already did," I admitted with a tentative glance at his face. 

His expression was somewhat guarded, but he smiled gently. "Ah. Good." There was a moment of hesitation before he motioned for me to sit. "Make yourself comfortable. I'll fetch the, uh, comb." The word "comb" had been said with confusion and resignation before he finally and stiffly spun on his heel and charged for his bedroom. 

It was difficult to stay seated. I wanted to follow him, but my promise kept me in check. If he wanted me in his bedroom, he would have invited me in. I found myself warm and decided to remove my extra layers. If my suitor could walk around in just breeches and a simple shirt, so could I.  

Searlus found me removing my boots. "May I?" He asked softly. I nodded my assent with glee.  He laid a comb and brush on the sofa and crouched before me. Slowly and gently, he took one leg in his large paws and fished the job. It was a pleasant surprise to feel his warm palms glide over my stockings so sensually. Carefully, he used his smooth, rounded claws to peel them off my legs. When both my legs were completely bare, he inspected my legs and feet with a light touch. "Every inch of you is perfect," he murmured. 

"As is every inch of you," I said genuinely and leaned toward him to kiss both his cheeks and then his lips. "But I suppose there are inches we've yet to behold." I quirked an eyebrow suggestively and was delighted that he returned it.

"Indeed," he rumbled deeply, then bent his head lower to kiss my knees. 

My heart started to race as soon as his moist lips made contact. I felt playful, however, and picked up the comb by my side and ran it through his hair. 

He grew still for a moment and raised his bewildered gaze."You were serious." 

I snickered and nodded.

Searlus shrugged. "Very well," he stated with a sigh of defeat and turned around. With a small grunt, the hearth roared to life basking us both in its warm glow. For a moment he tried to relax against my legs but thought better of it. 

I parted my legs to give him room. "Come closer." He is so broad that I had to part my legs further than I anticipated, but at last, he sat comfortably, and I began my task. After a few strokes and having cleared some minor tangles, I heard his content purr start to rumble in his chest, then something caught my eye, and I gasped with surprise. I lifted some of his hair, lest it was a trick of the light. "Why, Searlus!" I exclaimed with a laugh, "You have some grey in your lovely black mane."

"Must have sprouted with your arrival," he bantered while dragging the smooth pad of his fingers over my feet.

I gave him a light smack on the head and laughed. "Hmm. It makes you even more appealing to me," I confessed into his pointed ear. I brought my face down on his head and breathed him in. The smell of pine was light but still there. I placed the comb down and used my nails instead, eliciting a small moan of pleasure from my beast. I continued my slow and deliberate ministrations until he shuddered quite suddenly. "Are you cold, my love," I whispered, knowing the answer already.

"No," he rasped back. "Would you like me to do this for you?" 

I leaned close to his ear once more. "You may do whatever you like to me," I purred. 

I waited patiently for his reaction. He merely sat there and took a few deep breaths before turning around. His eyes searched my face with such vulnerability and desperation, I nearly threw myself at him. God! Just a look from him like that set my blood aflame. Warmth began to build between my legs, and I kept my eyes locked on his to see if he noticed my abrupt arousal. His eyelids fluttered before he sent his gaze down below my waist. Large paws crept over my thighs and reached for my hips, and with no effort at all, Searlus dragged me closer. I leaned in, thinking he wished to kiss me, but he placed a hand on my chest and gently pushed me back. He granted me a small peck on the lips before his head dipped slowly. He left a trail of kisses over my chin, neck, over my breasts, stomach, and still lower. I held my breath as his face hovered between my legs. It felt like ages before he moved again and pressed just above my clothed crotch and inhaled deeply. I whimpered when his hot breath spread through the fabric with a deep, rumbling groan of desire. I raked my fingers through his mane and pressed him into me once more, but lower still. I arched into him with another cry and his ears twitch, capturing my every sound.  I felt more pressure and growing dampness, and when I looked, I saw that his mouth was open. A flash of green eyes turned almost black before he clamped onto me. I flinched briefly at the thought of his teeth, but there was no pain, only pleasure as he began to push into my wet breeches with his tongue. 

I heard a loud tear and saw that his claws - though not sharp - had dug themselves through the sofa cushion. I bucked when he moaned into me, and with a loud hiss, Searlus abruptly tore his face away, his eyes shut hard. He held himself stiff like that for a long moment. We were both breathless, and I wanted more. I reached for him, but he growled and shook his head. "Please, Searlus," I begged softly.

He groaned and appeared troubled. "The spring," he breathed. He stood abruptly, picking me up in one fluid movement. The doors were quick to open for us, and Searlus didn't bother taking the stairs. I stifled a cry when he leapt to the bottom of the washroom and landed smoothly. The steam in the room seemed to help calm my agitated beast. I realized then why he had brought us to the hot spring. 

Still panting, he let me down and hesitated only a moment before reaching for my shirt. His eyes were glued to mine, waiting for permission. I answered by stepping closer and moving my arms to my sides. Slowly, my shirt was untucked and pulled over my head. Unceremoniously, he tossed it aside and finally lowered his eyes to look at my bare breasts. He hid his emotions well as he scanned every inch of my naked upper body, and I was struggling to keep my arms at my sides. His gaze was so penetrating and studious that I began to feel vulnerable until he lifted his paws, resting them my shoulders first, then dragging them down my arms until he reached my waist. He pulled me in closer until we were pressed together firmly. I couldn't keep looking up at him, he's so tall, so I closed my eyes and concentrated on how our bodies felt together. His heart was thumping loudly and quickly in my ear. 

"Now we're even," he rasped with feeling. 

I snickered into his chest and tugged at his shirt. "Remove this at once."

A small grunt escaped him, but he did as he was told. We descended down the steps and into the hot, welcoming water. The deepest was the very centre, which reached his waist and just beneath my shoulders. I thought about removing my breeches, but since Searlus had not removed his own, I decided against it. After all, I did tell him I was willing to go at his pace. 

He pulled me to a seat, which was not high enough for me to sit comfortably, so he drew me to his lap instead. I relaxed and leaned back, my head resting on his shoulder. I felt him shift and manoeuvre around me, he removed the ribbon around my hair, and then I felt water pour down my head. The next thing I felt where his rounded claws, gently lathering my scalp with a rose scented soap. I was delighted to find he intended to bathe me. His hands travelled to my neck and shoulders, down my back, then around to my stomach. He lingered there, but eventually, I felt the pad of his fingers drag upwards until they grazed the swell of my breasts. I sighed contentedly and lowered my self some as a sign for him to continue. His hands are so large that it didn't take much for him to cup them in his gentle grasp entirely, and when he rubbed his thumbs over my nipples, I could not help the moan that escaped me.

The ache came again, pooling between my legs in seconds, making me want to clench my thighs together, but I parted them instead in invitation. He didn't remove his hands, however, but instead began a tender rhythmic circling over my hard and sensitive nipples. Instinctively, I pushed back into him with another groan and briefly felt something hard against my bum. Both our breaths caught at the same time but it was brief, for Searlus immediately removed one of his hands and shifted me far enough away, ceasing contact with his hardness again. 

I barely had enough time to be disappointed because he quickly went back to teasing my breasts. He panted in my ear, which only fueled my need for release, and I could not believe how fast I was becoming undone by his light ministrations alone.  I began to moan in earnest as he sped up his rhythm while I gyrated on his thighs, legs still parted - begging to be touched. With a grunt, Searlus let go of one my breasts again and ran a finger over my hip and down the middle of my soaked breeches. When he crooked his finger inward, and I felt it press between my clothed lips, it was over. I threw my head back and arched within his embrace, crying out in pleasure while his fingers continued to circle in their respective, overly sensitive areas. Desperately, I grabbed onto his arms and pulled them away before I could go mad from the overwhelming sensations crashing over my release.  He held me while I came down from my frenzy. When I'd caught my breath, I turned my face, and he caught my lips in a hard kiss. I turned my body completely to straddle him. I dipped my right hand further into the water to return the pleasurable favour, but he grabbed my hand just as I grazed the hem of his breeches.

He groaned deeply with his eyes closed. "Another time," he murmured, his voice raw with need. He opened his eyes and pulled me tight against him. A bit too tight.

"Ah!" I cried out lightly, and he instantly jerked his arms away. Before he could feel any guilt, and ruin everything, I grabbed onto his face and crushed my lips to his. He moaned but kept his hands away. I released him and murmured near his ear. "Do you see now how much I desire you? How you make me feel? You barely touched me and yet I came undone at your hands so quickly." My voice was laced with sensual longing. "I can already feel my need growing for you again." 

I had grown so used to his purr, that I didn't hear it until it became louder at that moment.  He dropped his head onto my shoulder and groaned. "Spare me, temptress, for I have little will right now," he whispered frantically. "I can still please you. I want to." 

"Then let me gain my pleasure by pleasing you," I implored while I reached for him again beneath the water. 

My beast was beside himself with need and could not outright deny me any longer. His mouth dropped open to stop me far too late, for I had already pressed my palm against his front, successfully reaching my target with ease. As Searlus choked down a surprised groan, I gasped. He was obviously... proportionate. My wild imagination was both immensely pleased and concerned at the same time. 

"Belle," he croaked, "I-I--"

"Be calm," I crooned, "I will not move until you are ready. I trust you in all things. Trust me with this, with your care, my love."  

Searlus tried to steady his breathing and managed a few shuddering, even breaths. His arms reached behind me so that he could grip tightly onto his own knees. He shook his head vigorously, tore his arms away again and looked to the ceiling. "I fear hurting you," he whispered desperately. 

"Turn around then," I commanded as I lifted myself without taking my hand away from its purchase. Confusion glossed over his face briefly but he finally turned. "Now kneel on the seat," I instructed, "and place your hands on the next step. Hold on to it. There, now you cannot accidentally crush me," I chuckled at his side. He did not return the laugh. I wrapped my free arm around his waist and waited, and I saw his grip tighten on the lip of the stair. His breath came out in loud bursts through his nose when he finally gave me a quick sideways glance and closed his eyes again. I took that as my cue to begin. 

Slowly, I moved my hand up his length, his response was immediate. Jaws slack, eyes half-lidded, Searlus whimpered softly as I rubbed up and down his girth. His lower half was still submerged, to my disappointment. How I longed to see the bulge trapped in his soaked, clinging trousers and have my suspicions of his size confirmed. He began to move against my caress, a small grunt escaping with each controlled thrust. For someone of his strength and size, I feared my efforts would not be enough to push him over the edge. I hoped that his little to no experience might give me the advantage I needed to find his release. I quickened my movements along with his, letting him set and control the pace. When I felt like his pleasure had plateaued, I turned my hand wrapped my fingers around his head as best I could with his clothes in the way. He roared so loud that my heart almost seized in my chest, but I kept going. His frenzy was building, and his eyes were shut tight while he continued to growl louder and thrust harder. I definitely need two hands, I thought again so, I let my arm around his waist drop down under his rump and between his legs. My hand fumbled a bit with the heavy fabric, but I finally felt what I had been searching for. I cupped my hand around his testicles, and he bucked and choked on a growl as he pitched forward. His shortened horns crashed against the stone step he was still holding onto for dear life when he finally let out a long, low roar. I lost my footing, but the water kept me fluid and steady as I held absolutely still while he spasmed in my grasp, his panting frantic in between his erratic, strangled moans.  Music to my ears. I was ready for him again, but I squelched my desire to care for him.

I released my hold, my right arm trembling from the exertion. I moved closer to my beast and placed tender kisses on his shoulder. His ragged breathing began to steady, and he finally opened his eyes to look at me. I smiled at him. His movements were slow and languid as he lifted himself once more and took me into his arms. I closed my eyes and welcomed the cooler air that caressed my overheated skin as he raised us up and out of the water. The sound of the water cascading off our bodies and echoing in the chamber was the only sound he made before the soft pad of his feet against the wet floor told me we were moving away from the spring and onto drier ground. 

When I opened my eyes to glance at Searlus' face, his features were soft and thoughtful. He must have sensed my gaze because he looked at me then and gave me a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. He set me down before a tray table holding an assortment of towels, robes, and perfumes. The silence became unbearable and wished to know his thoughts so badly. For a horrifying moment, I thought I may have pushed him into doing more than he was prepared to do.

"Are you all right?" I asked apprehensively. "Did I-was it not...?" I didn't know what to say.

He draped a robe over my shoulders and sighed. "I'm unsure of how to act or what to say," he chuckled nervously.

I took his hands in mine and scoffed. "Say whatever is on your mind. I must know your thoughts."

"Well," he cast his eyes to the ground, "I do not wish to part with you this evening. I was thinking about how to ask you," he cleared his throat, "to stay with me tonight." 

I felt my heart swell in my chest and had to keep myself from jumping with joy. "I would love nothing more!" I laughed and swayed our hands with delight.

His broad smile faltered briefly. "Only I think that we should just... well..."

"Sleep?" I asked smugly. He nodded with a guilty quirk of his brow. "Yes, that is fine. I'll get my night things and --"

"No, I'll send for them," he added quickly and hugged me close to him. "Stay with me," he whispered.

Again, my heart glowed with love and longing, and I reassured him that I would sew our hands together if he wished it. Under our robes, we discreetly removed our wet things and made our way to his room. The fire and candles were already lit, and I walked in slowly, taking everything in. I recognized the vast ceiling, and the decor from my short stay the night I sustained my head injury. The bed, as I suspected, was massive and sat on the ground with no frame but adorned with thick blankets and giant pillows. The thickness of the bed was substantial enough that I could sit upon it easily. I tested its firmness by standing on it and jumping to my heart's content. Once I was satisfied, I let myself fall back, flat on my back.

Searlus loomed over me and smirked. "I should have known that the first thing you'd do is test the bed." 

I giggled mischievously. "Would you like to test it with me?" He tilted his head and raised a brow. "I'm jesting! I said we'd sleep and we will. But first, chocolate. I'm craving something dark and - oh! Raspberry. Mousse! Chocolate mousse with raspberries." I clapped my hands with anticipation. 

He chuckled and dragged me off the bed toward the fire. "Anything you desire, my heart."  

There was barely a moment where we were not touching. We ate our deserts sitting side by side on the floor, drying in the hearths warm. I commented on his choice of tapestries in the room. Each one depicted a sad romance from mythology. The one that stood out the most was of a man, lost and distressed and a woman's shade floating away from him in the distance. "Orpheus and Eurydice," I pointed and frowned, "I despise that story," I grumbled. "It's sad and stupid. After losing her to Hades, he went through all that trouble to get her back only to blunder at the last moment because of doubt." I shook my head and scoffed. "Why do you surround yourself with such depressing stories?"

Searlus studied the image and nodded. "These were my reminders that I was not alone in my loneliness. In a strange way, they gave me solace, knowing that I was not the only one fated to a loveless life." He looked at me and smiled. "I suppose new tapestries are in order."

"Absolutely," I kissed his hands lovingly. 

We climbed into bed, and I clung to Searlus as he read love poems aloud. I vaguely remember him whispering about how much he loved me and needed me before my eyes closed and sleep overtook me.

Morning came, and I stretched and reached for my beast but did not find him. I sat up and was disappointed to find myself alone. A note was left on his pillow.

**Good morning, my heart.**

**I had an urgent call to attend to. Enjoy your breakfast and come find me in my lab if I have not concluded my meeting. Our evening together consumes my every thought, Belle. I am eager to see you. Every moment we are apart is spent thinking of you.**

**Your slave,**

**Searlus**

I kissed the note, snickered devilishly, and heaved myself out of bed. I dressed and ate quickly and ran for the lab. The door was open, but I peeked inside as not to interrupt whatever business Searlus was working on. I did not wish to speak to the council today. I heard no voices and saw Searlus standing at the window, looking out. I skipped in his direction and wrapped my arms around his waist. 

"Good morning, my love," I purred and nuzzled his back with my nose.

He sighed deeply. “Not entirely, but much better now that you are here,” he replied and pulled me around to face him. He lifted me with ease and kissed me with passion, even slipping in his tongue between my lips and into my mouth.

I responded in kind, feeling my need for him instantly. I whimpered and murmured onto his lips. “Oh, my love, take us back to bed.” 

He buried his face in my neck and groaned. “Minx,” he hissed, “if you had it your way, we’d never leave my bedroom.”

“What astounds me is that you would have it another way,” I growled and nipped at his jaw.

Searlus chuckled and set me down. “Believe me, I would it have it your way if not for my doubt to control myself in such a state. Which, I suppose is a good segue into that.” He thumbed over his shoulder to the tall table behind him.

I peered around him and saw large chains strewn on the table. My mind had trouble comprehending for a moment before I finally raised a devious brow. “Well, well.” I walked over to the table and ran a delicate hand over the pristine and shiny links until I rested it on a cuff. I glanced at Searlus and smirked. “Are these for what I think they’re for?”

He seemed abashed while he walked to the other side to face me. “They can be.”

I liked my lips. “Oh, Searlus,” I hissed sensually and made way around the table like a cougar on the prowl.

My beast grew concerned and meandered away from me until we switched places. He seemed to be suppressing a smile when he said, “There for your _protection_ , not my _pleasure_. 

His words did not deter me and I raked my nails over the chains. The cuff was perched precariously on the edge and I was able to easily slide one of my hands through it. You may find they’ll serve the _dual_ purpose--!!” The cuff slid off the table and fell to the floor bringing me down with it and anchoring me to the ground. “Ooof!”

“Belle!” Searlus raced to my side and lifted the infernally heavy thing. “Are you all right?”

“Goodness! It’s as heavy as a cannon!” I exclaimed and rubbed the angry mark on my pale skin. 

My beast took my arm and led me to a cabinet where he fished out a balm. He rubbed the formula on wrist gently and scoffed. “That stands to reason. It must hold _me_.”

“I think they’ll do,” I grumbled. “I don’t think we need those but if it’ll make you feel more comfortable, then so be it. I certainly don’t mind rough play, you know.”

He nearly choked on himself. “Is that so?” He croaked. “Then I assume, you’ve used such things in the past?” He refused to look at me and busied himself with searching his cabinet.

I chuckled and slithered my way into his arms. I looked up and reached for his face for him to look at me. “If you really wish to know, then I shall tell you. Or perhaps I should just _show_ you?”

He swallowed hard and scoffed lightly. “I know you think I am naive when it comes to these things, but I’ve, um, read things and, erm, done things too. So, anything you say will not surprise me.” Regardless, he seemed nervous.

“Mmm. I would love to see you do those _things_ you’re referring to.” I waggled my eyebrows suggestively. “How about now?" 

He cleared his throat. “The cuffs aren’t ready yet.” He shrugged. I narrowed my eyes with suspicion. “I was going to enchant them as well. I’ll also need to test them,” he continued with his feeble excuses. “But I think we should wait until our guests leave us in peace before we do any of that.” A shadow passed over his face.

“Guests?” I ask confused. 

He looked into my eyes and I found he appeared deeply concerned. “Yes. You see, the urgent call this morning,” he sighed, removed a letter from his pocket, and handed it to me. “Armand arrives in three days.”

My shock was apparent. I ripped the paper out of his hand and read it. My stomach began to sour. “Not just him,” I whispered in horror as I read the most important part of the letter aloud. “Prince Armand and his _wife_ Princess _Amelia_ of Fleur!?” I shook the letter in his face. “Armand is married to your former fiance?!”

Searlus pursed his lips with worry. “Did I never mention that?”

My mouth dropped open in shock. “And they’re  _ both _ coming _here_?”

His scowl and guilty face only solidified the frightening truth of the letter in my hands. Searlus' past was coming to haunt us both in a mere three days time. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you azeran for looking over this chapter for me and catching my blunders!
> 
> What did you all think? The plot thickens!


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